Frequently Asked Questions
Now and again, we like to take time out of our busy raniew schedules, shopping expeditions, Gerard Butler drooling sessions, and our workshop classes for budding Romance authors to answer our loyal and dedicated readers. As we see it as counter productive to keep answering the same questions over and over again, we thought it best that we compile all your questions so that your most burning queries might be instantly satisfied. Feel free though to please continue to email us (at ladies@ripmybodice.com) with all your thoughts and questions on our website. It shows us that you care and we like to think that you do. Even if it is just pretend.
Who is Juan? Does he really exist? Can I hire him for a day?
Juan is our friendly Cabana boy — part time masseur, manicurist, shoulder to cry on, and full time bartender at our ripmybodice HQ. As part of our now legally binding contract with him, he can be found shuttling shirtless between the offices of the ripmybodice ladies, his well oiled, firm, toned and tanned skin glistening under the lights, his well defined pecs and abs like chiseled rock all toned and tanned, his low slung jeans clinging to…wait uhm yeah. He’s real. And no. You cannot have him.
Do you gals read other types of books besides Romance novels?
If you mean if we have read other types of books in our lifetime as fabulous connoisseurs of unspeakably decadent and indulgent literature then yes. We believe we have indulged in a little Enid Blyton, Mother Goose and Nancy Drew in our formative years. But you’re asking if we’ve forayed into other genres in the last oh say two to five years then uhm. No. Not really. Do the newspapers count?
What do you say to people who think the Romance genre is “trash”?
Nothing because we’re kind of passive aggressive. But we will have you know that we have a natural ability to memorize the faces of people and that Ma’mselle Mimi has a very scary, not so secret fascination with serial killers. She knows how to get them, how to get the job done, and how to hide the bodies. And we know a bunch of really good lawyers.
So you guys just basically sit around all day reading Romance novels and reviewing them?
Oh ho ho we wish! No no, in a perfect world we’d be able to do that but sadly no, the harsh realities of life are cruel indeed. No we sit around all day, drinking martinis, reading Romance novels, sun-tanning on our roof top pool, teach writing classes, comfort and counsel the occasional writer who has skewed off the desired path (Ms Judith McNaught and Ms Julie Garwood, we want you to know, that our doors are always open for you), scowl at badly dressed people, and we write reviews. Oh and sometimes we get massages from Juan. Sigh. Isn’t it sad when your life doesn’t quite turn out the way you really want it to?
So are you gals like really pretty?
Yes.
Are you gals like, really Barbie dolls?
Yes.
Do you have any internship opportunities?
Yes. Please forward your curriculum vitae and a recent photo to our email address below. Please indicate in your cover letter to us, your top ten favourite books and your top ten most hated books, whether you are adverse to (if male) being half nekkid or (if female) seeking half nekkid men, and whether your favourite color is pink. Please be prepared to answer our standard ripmybodice interview quiz where such questions like “what was the name of Clayton Westmoreland’s horse” have been known to make potential candidates cry.
How do I get my very own avatar up next to my comment? How come you guys have so many spam bots? How do I post a comment? How do I turn on my computer?
All technical enquiries of any nature must be forwarded to Ma’mselle Mimi because Sheridan and Lola are largely computer illiterate. Sheridan for one, has post-its with step by step instructions on how to post up reviews, featuring bonus drinks for each successfully completed step. For example, “turn on computer - woohoo! sprinkle yourself with fairy dust and go get yourself a drink!”
Are you gals cool with advertising?
Of course! We would love to help you, help us, help you, help us, help you make some money. Any way we can. We take most forms of payment - cash, credit, ARCs and lap dances. Please write to us to find out more!