“Scotsman” by Juliana Garnett
Once upon a time, there lived a fair English maiden named Catherine, who loved her brother and her mother, but not so much her father. Her hair was like spun gold, her skin - fair and soft and her breasts made grown men cry. And it was the fate of Catherine, to be forever entwined with the very hard, the very bronzy, and the very well hung Alexander Fraser. @!#(&$ bitch.
“His Woman” by Diana Cosby
“O let me tell you,” sings I,
(La Lola the Troubadour)
Of the lov’ly young lass Isabel
Who was denounced as a ho
“The Highlander’s Stolen Bride” by Melanie George
If like me, you sometimes enjoy a light, non emotionally wrenching, predictable yet humorous read with a fair bit of sex thrown into your Romance novel, it may be time to pick up “The Highlander’s Stolen Bride” by Melanie George. Though I have yet to find an author as well versed in Scottish/Highlander Romance as Julie Garwood (Dear Ms. Garwood, we have beseeched thee a thousand times to return to the wild beauty that is the Highland Laird. Make this attempt #1,0001. Do not delay. Get thee to your editor post-haste. Any brainstorming sessions with the Ripmybodice girls can be arranged on condition that the lead heroine is named Sheridan. - XOXO, Sheridan Sakura Carlotta), Melanie George ain’t too bad at all (plus, kudos Ms George for picking such a well tanned and toned model for the cover. Rrrwwoar!).
“The Devil Wears Tartan” by Karen Ranney
Because Davina lifted her skirts and lost her cherry
To the Devil of Ambrose she had to marry
Though she knew him not before their wedding day
She had “no choice”, “no hope” for societal redemption; no way!
“What man would agree to marry before we meet dear Aunt?
For a relationship built on love and trust is what I want!”
“Some Like It Wicked” by Teresa Medeiros
With the exception of the Golden Age of Julie Garwood (i.e before she decided to go all America’s Most Wanted (but not by Lola) and start featuring FBI heroes), Teresa Medeiros writes some of the best Scottish historicals around. Thankfully, she appears to have reverted to form after the last vampire book she did. (Read it, forgot it, so over it. “But what was it about Lola” you ask. “Umm… I dunno… a vampire?”)
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“In the Highlander’s Bed” by Cathy Maxwell
“There wasn’t enough sex Lola! No steam, sizzle or spark. It was like reading about warm melted but now coagulated cheese. Tres tragic!!!!” wailed Sheridan, throwing the back of her hand against her forehead, ever the drama queen. Peering back at her from amidst a mound of last season’s clothes, Lola frowned and replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about. Then again, I rarely do when you are in one of your moods. Don’t just stand there with your feather boa and tartan plaid. Come help me. I’m trying to organize some of my clothes for a yard sale. We’re low on the funds and Mimi’s refusing to hit the clubs for us. Something about not liking it when men smack her ass in exchange for a fiver. Go figure.”
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“Highlander Unchained” by Monica McCarty
[voice-over] “He is Lachlan Maclean, born approximately 250 years ago (I think) in the Highlands of Scotland. He is not immortal and he is not alone (very soon because Santa’s gonna make it right for failing to bring Matthew Farrell to Sheridan’s door since she was 18). For centuries we (i.e. Sheridan Sakura Carlotta)) have waited for the time of the gathering. When the stroke (and breadth) of his mighty sword and the fall of Sheridan’s silk robe will release the power of the SexyHighlander. In the end, there can be only one.” *cue theme music*
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“Highlander Unmasked” by Monica McCarty
Today, we send out another tribute to American Idol; the show we have come to know and love so well here at ripmybodice.com HQ. Fond memories I will have of this season’s showing; Lola dancing along and winking at that dude who was found out to be a male stripper, all of us doing shots whenever Paula appeared a bit loopy, of Mimi convincing us that she can sing better than Syesha and us bleeding from the ears, of myself licking the TV screen whenever David Cook came on and then passing out whenever he smiled. Good times indeed. And so, to commemorate the wonder that is American Idol, I shall once again, re-create the magic of Idol mania via the wonders of sock puppetry *cue music : Na-na-na-na-na-na-na NAAAA*:
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“Highlander Untamed by Monica McCarty”
Having only recently been let back into the ripmybodice.com offices after my harmless joke, I was happy to find that: (a) my pre-ordered Gucci Hysteria bag was still sitting in its packaging and had not been opened by any of the girls; (b) Juan had thoughtfully folded and tabbed several pages of this month’s In Style magazine that he thought I would be interested in; (c) no heads of dead anythings were to be found anywhere in my office (though I did find a stick figure drawing of what I think is supposed to be me (the there was an arrow saying “Sheridan, this is you. Hope you had fun in Mexico! XOXO- Mi”), being eaten alive by lizards); and (d) Lola had kindly restocked my TBR pile while I was away. Refusing Sven’s offers to feed me with more goddamn meatballs but accepting his offer of whipping me up a mandarin bellini, I picked up the first book in my now Yao Ming high pile of unread books, ignoring the pink post-it on top which said “You must read this. Sexy Highland chief. Why aren’t all Scottish men like this? Must discuss. Come find me. Am making buttons in the boardroom with Juan. PS: Mimi left you a drawing to prove she ain’t mad at you anymore. XOXO - Lola”.
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“So In Love” by Karen Ranney
In “So In Love,” you’ve got it all: angst, star-crossed lovers, the big misunderstanding, the secret baby and Scotsmen. Jeanne du Marchand and Douglas MacRae were young lovers who met in Paris. She was 16, the cosseted only child of a French aristocrat and he was 17, the youngest son of a wealthy Scottish clan. Ah young love. But fate cruelly tore them apart when idealistic and naive Jeanne (she was 16) becomes pregnant with Douglas’s child. Didn’t think they were just busy carving their initials into a tree did you?
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To-Be-Reviewed Pile: