For those of you unfamiliar with this particular thread of posts, once in a while, the RipMyBodice girls get together over a few bottles of fine aged whisky, fried chicken and pancakes to muse about what they have read, what they wish they didn’t and what they wish they could. Any authors, editors, publishers lurkin’  about on this website, take note! We offer up potential best sellers after the jump, inspired by our favourite holiday of all time, Halloween (when else can a girl get lucky with a vampire, werewolf or demon?):

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1. In a world where men are genetically modified lions and panthers, he is different. Unique. Distinct. Half man, half spider monkey, he is deadly and agile, filled with rage at his creator for turning him into the monster that he is as part of an experiment to create an indestructible army of spider monkeys for the military. Despite the shame he feels, he is unable to turn away from the beautiful young daughter of his creator for her gentle spirit and banana smelling breath melts his icy heart. He yearns to carry her away and eat the lice from her hair while having wild monkey sex with her, leaving the world he has come to know far behind. But he knows their love is one that can never be, for the world he can show her, is the same world they are in, only upside down, thanks to his ability to hang from a tree. Tortured, he flees the laboratory he has come to know, and the woman he has loved for so long, until one day, he finds word that she is held ransom for his DNA. Broken-hearted and depressed, she never understood why he left so suddenly that day. Was the banana milkshake she forced herself to drink every morning too much for him to take? Did he know she carried a bag of peanuts in her pocket only for him? Will she ever get to tell him that he had her at his first “ooh ooh ahh ahh?” Proposed Title: Monkey See, Monkey Please Do.
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1. While out sailing the treacherous seas, the dashing and sinister pirate lord raids another vessel and captures all onboard, including a rather badly disguised cabin boy. But due to overexposure to the sun, the pirate lord is a bit out of it, and so fails to recognize that the spunky, feisty cabin boy is actually an aristocratic lady who has disguised herself in the hopes of avoiding ravishment at the hands of the dashing and sinister pirate lord (Why God why??) The stupid, aristocratic incognito young lady ends up drawing more attention to herself when she repeatedly tries to grab at the pirate lord’s sword. After questioning his inappropriate response to the feisty cabin boy and fearing that he has spent too many days at sea without A Woman, the pirate lord discovers the truth when he stumbles onto the cabin boy freeing her breasts from confinement. (”How dare you come barging in here without knocking!” “How dare you not tell me you have breasts!”) Filled with great relief, and thus deciding to fill the heroine with something else, the pirate lord consummates their resplendent love. But it is revealed that his life is in danger because he is actually a duke who’s being targeted by his greedy cousin. He then leaves the heroine back in London, as he is fighting his feelings for her, and because she has a tendency to get sea-sick. But the pirate lord finds himself unable to forget her, and sails back to London. She is by now the diamond of the season, and the pirate lord is filled with dismay and jealous passion. Will the pirate lord be able to win her back? Will the heroine be able to overcome her mal de mer? Will the heroine always suspect that her husband is sexually confused? Proposed title: Sea of Love     
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What makes a good book? The Plot (that is, apart from a sweaty hard-muscled multi-talented (in the bedroom) Alpha Male).

We at RipMyBodice have put our fabulous, perfectly coiffured heads together to come up with ten amazing romance novel plots we think will sell BIG. Besides providing great reviews and entertainment to our readers, we’ve decided to add “giving divine inspiration to authors” to our list of talents. Remember, you read it here first.

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1. Plucky Debutante and Broody Earl/Duke/Lord/Viscount at Ball (Masquerade ball sold separately)
A wealth of historical/regency Romance novels fall in this category, some good, most bad, all somewhat predictable. But hey what can we say? It’s the broody, cynical, jaded earl/duke/lord/viscount that gets us everytime. He’s the dark haired one with the piercing eyes standing negligently against a pillar, who has been burned by love before but yet, forced by his mama/society to carry on his bloodline and so, seeks a wife who’ll give him no trouble and who will remain faithful to him after popping out his heirs, while he continues his relationship with his actress/singer/courtesan mistress. That is of course, until he sets eyes on our plucky debutante heroine whose beauty is painful to the naked eye, and whose wit and razor sharp tongue is entirely refreshing to said earl/duke/lord/viscount (and his little friend). Throw in a sinister plot to harm the heroine, jealousy, a ride around the park, a stolen kiss/groping session in the night on a balcony or hidden alcove, a little segment on how our plucky heroine enjoys her freedom and would rather not marry our hero, a wedding and a nervous bride on wedding night scene and you pretty much have every historical/regency book ever written. Examples are too numerous to count.
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