In search of the answer to the ultimate question “How Do I Snare Me A Hot Man?” Lola and Sheridan have traversed the globe for no place is too far, nor mountain too high for them or their band of merry Sherpas (on whose shoulders their LV trunks lay). Their unquenchable thirst for this knowledge has since led them to one of the highest mountain tops in the furthest regions of inner China, and to a man the locals know only as Shifu.

There, they found a man with a beard of flowing white, looking at them solemnly. “Look Sheridan, it’s Gandalf!” cried Lola in wonder. “Don’t be an idiot Lola,” hissed Sheridan. “It’s Dumbledore!”

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1. While out sailing the treacherous seas, the dashing and sinister pirate lord raids another vessel and captures all onboard, including a rather badly disguised cabin boy. But due to overexposure to the sun, the pirate lord is a bit out of it, and so fails to recognize that the spunky, feisty cabin boy is actually an aristocratic lady who has disguised herself in the hopes of avoiding ravishment at the hands of the dashing and sinister pirate lord (Why God why??) The stupid, aristocratic incognito young lady ends up drawing more attention to herself when she repeatedly tries to grab at the pirate lord’s sword. After questioning his inappropriate response to the feisty cabin boy and fearing that he has spent too many days at sea without A Woman, the pirate lord discovers the truth when he stumbles onto the cabin boy freeing her breasts from confinement. (”How dare you come barging in here without knocking!” “How dare you not tell me you have breasts!”) Filled with great relief, and thus deciding to fill the heroine with something else, the pirate lord consummates their resplendent love. But it is revealed that his life is in danger because he is actually a duke who’s being targeted by his greedy cousin. He then leaves the heroine back in London, as he is fighting his feelings for her, and because she has a tendency to get sea-sick. But the pirate lord finds himself unable to forget her, and sails back to London. She is by now the diamond of the season, and the pirate lord is filled with dismay and jealous passion. Will the pirate lord be able to win her back? Will the heroine be able to overcome her mal de mer? Will the heroine always suspect that her husband is sexually confused? Proposed title: Sea of Love     
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A swarm of Mimi’s mutant killer bees have escaped from her secret lab (i.e. her office) once again and have attacked our web servers here at RipMyBodice. Due to this unforseen event, we are now hiding up on the roof as the bees have quickly taken over all our offices. We are in trouble. Men with nets and knowledge of computers will be coming any day now to rescue us….or so they said before laughing and hanging up. Fear not though dear readers, we have managed to escape with our laptops and stash of books. We also have a wet bar up here consisting a far bit of alcohol. Thus you, our lovelies, will not have to go too long without one of our reviews/raniews. Please do however, excuse our website during this time of great upheaval.

XOXO,
Lola, Sheri, Mi

Dear readers,

We come to you, desperate. Yesterday we received word from the government to which we belong that we are in violation of not having paid Juan and Sven monies for the many services which they have rendered to us. We’re not sure who squealed to whom, or when it became illegal in this country to provide payment in the form of a butt pinch, a boob flash and a warm bath. Bah. Capitalism.

Having not been able to convince Mimi to charge for viewing her breastage, we had to kick off our Louboutins and use our pretty heads to come up with a way to pay Juan and Sven (with money.. again, bah.). After much thought and deliberation (mostly over the hotness of Gerard Butler), we have decided to sell what we have in our office.
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A collaborative effort between Scribe Sheridan Sakura Carlotta and Linguist La Lola

A is for “Alpha”, our RipMyBodice battlecry/ The reason we get up each morning (die Betas, die!!)

B is for “Black Dagger Brotherhood” and our reason for living/ The release of a new BDB book is much cause for screaming

C is for “Chicago”, the city not the Broadway show / The city of choice for Ms Judith McNaught; the place where Sheridan hopes to meet an industralist billionaire whose seed he wants to sow
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Hola chicas!

By now, most of you should have received a little token of our appreciation in the mail; assuming you had forwarded us your email addresses before our carrier pigeons left the building. We’re sorry it took so long to reach each and everyone of you. It wasn’t as easy training pigeons as we thought it would be. Don’t worry, next year we’ll use owls instead! I mean, it worked for Harry so I see no reason why it wouldn’t work for us right? Right??

We apologise for the lack of man flesh in the envelope. The RMB budget is running on low this year (already!) so we really couldn’t splurge on postage. I mean, we’re already eating them crappy meals from the clearance bin at Tescos (oh for shame!!) and downing as much wine as we can at communion in order to get y’all something bigger and better next year! So. Thanks again for all your support and love, for liking our reviews, your comments, and fantastic recommendations! Strawberry Bellinis on da house!

XOXO
Lola, Sheri, Mi

Hola RMB readers,

A month back (Ok fine, 2 months) we’d promised to send you guys a little something as a way of saying “Thanks for listening to us swoon over gorgeous, built Alphas and bitch about the heroines who don’t deserve them.” To those of you who have written in with your addresses and demands to know what it is, no, it is not Gerard Butler.

Anyway, we’re sorry it’s a little late, but we’ve been busy reading, reviewing, raniewing, shopping, drinking, eating, drinking and whipping Juan and Sven into submission (this is as fun as it sounds). But we’re going to send it out next week. Pinky swear! So if anyone else still wants to get a little “The RMB girls love me and I can prove it!” gift, drop us an email with your address!

XOXO
Lola, Sheridan & Mimi

Our dearest darling RMB readers, authors, fangirls, critics, poison-pen writers and that weird guy with the dreadlocks who’s always sniffing around our garbage,

We are One! (And by this, we don’t mean we are united in the face of adversity (i.e Pansy heroes with limp noodles and the annoyingly clueless heroines who love them) although we are too). We’re a year old, and as fresh and supple as a baby’s butt (but far nicer smelling).

As we traipse around the pink donut of the RMB offices in our Louboutins and Jimmy Choos, Juan and Sven sniffling with emotion at our 6-inch heels, we promise to always be truthful, gorgeous and snarky.

And so, we thank you all for your support, your comments, your words of encouragement, and baseless disapproval (don’t think we have forgotten about you EDGAR).

We hope you will continue to enjoy our reviews and ranviews in the morning over vodka on the rocks or after a long day’s work over double vodka on the rocks. If you come across real true non-imaginary 6 feet of good looking macho muscled manliness with an insatiable appetite for.. physical activity and a penchant for.. kinky experimentation, well, you know where to find us!

To show how much we LOVE you, we have a little gift (please don’t be expecting a diamond ring or Sven wrapped in only a ribbon) for those of you who want it! Just drop us an email at ladies@ripmybodice.com with your mailing address and we’ll send you our lovely present!

Happy reading!

Lotsa love and kisses,
the RipMyBodice ladies
Lola, Sheridan and Mimi
xoxo

Our dearest fans!

We’ve been approached by one of our own (ie. someone who reads more romance novels than there are newspapers in a year) to help complete a survey. Not just any old boring survey but a ROMANCE NOVEL related survey. We’ve all had a go at it - Lola nearly chipped her nail while she was typing away furiously on why books NEED a true blue ALPHA Alpha Male and not some pansy ass wimp, and Sheri actually put down the vodka bottle for 15 minutes *gasp!* to give her 2 cents worth of what was sorely lacking in the romance novel industry - advance copies to fab review sites *cough*like us*cough*.

If you’ve got some time to spare or have a whole bunch of things to say, go here and help out one of our readers who is trying very hard to earn her MBA degree from the London Business School.

We quote:
“We are looking at the romance genre books industry and trying to come up with future trends and development opportunities. Our objective is to come up with recommendations that will make this industry successful and thriving in the next few years - in turn, allowing us readers to enjoy many more wonderful books and stories.”

What makes a good book? The Plot (that is, apart from a sweaty hard-muscled multi-talented (in the bedroom) Alpha Male).

We at RipMyBodice have put our fabulous, perfectly coiffured heads together to come up with ten amazing romance novel plots we think will sell BIG. Besides providing great reviews and entertainment to our readers, we’ve decided to add “giving divine inspiration to authors” to our list of talents. Remember, you read it here first.

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