In case you’ve missed the signs before: A RipMyBodice guide on “Seizing The Moment”

1. If a mysterious group of hott alpha males move in to the mansion next door, and unexpected sightings of wild leopards/ cougars/ cheetahs/ panthers/ zebras (ok maybe you might want to skip the zebras) are reported in your neighborhood, do not call animal control. The chances of all of them being shape-shifting warriors, with one of them becoming your alpha lover are quite high. He is the one for you. 

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In search of the answer to the ultimate question “How Do I Snare Me A Hot Man?” Lola and Sheridan have traversed the globe for no place is too far, nor mountain too high for them or their band of merry Sherpas (on whose shoulders their LV trunks lay). Their unquenchable thirst for this knowledge has since led them to one of the highest mountain tops in the furthest regions of inner China, and to a man the locals know only as Shifu.

There, they found a man with a beard of flowing white, looking at them solemnly. “Look Sheridan, it’s Gandalf!” cried Lola in wonder. “Don’t be an idiot Lola,” hissed Sheridan. “It’s Dumbledore!”

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Reasons why the RMB girls will each be owning 40 cats in the near future
It was just the other day that Mimi had arrived back at the RMB offices muttering something about wanting to find her carving knife, right after her second date with Mr. X. Now we could have told her that Mr. X ain’t gonna be Mr. Right (who by the way, is the poorer cousin of Mr. Alpha Right), since Mr. X possessed neither the good looks, charm, a robust bank account balance, nor the tortured soul of an Alpha Male. Having relayed this story to Mimi’s Grand Aunt Mimsy over tea at the Waldorf the other day, she had rolled her eyes heavenward (while sipping daintily on her Darjeeling) and exclaimed “Darlings! I’ve known you girls forever, and I don’t want to see you three gorgeous girls end up alone with 40 cats as your only companion, and smelling like a combination of catfood and catnip!”

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So in the spirit of clean slates for the New Year, let’s talk about books we’re looking forward to. A brand new year hopefully means a bumper crop of great reads. What can I say, I’m an optimistic little bunny. As was archly pointed out to me by Sheridan, when I told her that I was pretty sure Britney would grow out her hair, become the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig and turn over a brand new leaf. (Hey, 1 out of 3 ain’t bad.) So these are the books that I’m pretty excited about reading, whose arrival over the horizon will be greeted by girlish squeals of delight.
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It’s awful! Sheridan’s left for an early winter holiday to London, and Mimi…well, I think Mimi’s huddled in her office and I haven’t seen her for days. All I heard were mutterings about daggers and grenades and stockings made out of human skin, and let me tell you, I hightailed it out of there. As for food, I think the elves bring Mimi buckets of KFC and she’s good to go.
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Ever read a romance where you went, “yeah that was ok, but I wish they’d focused on the secondary characters instead. Now that was a story.” You haven’t? Well, just pretend the answer’s yes, will you? Sometimes second best isn’t so bad. Sometimes the sidekick does a Winona Ryder at Saks and steals the show. Sometimes Nicole rises up and punts Paris over the border. Sometimes Lex Luthor is more interesting than Clark Kent, despite being follicle-challenged. Sometimes secondary characters should get their own books. So we present to you…
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You ain’t Alpha until you’re a Judith McNaught hero

1. Be richer than that Greek guy (not Onassis). Judith McNaught (”JM”) heroes are invariably described as being richer than Croesus, with money pouring out of their wazoo. (This is more attractive than it sounds). Able to buy and sell small African nations with their pocket change, the JM Hero’s wealth may have been inherited by virtue of his acute business acumen, or inherited from his older than God bloodline. Whatever babe, so long as you know the money’s there. The immense wealth of our JM hero also allows him to shower jewels, luxury cars and yachts on the fortunate object of his affections, but always tastefully done of course. *gnashing of teeth in extreme jealousy*. Also see point 5 for uses of wealth.

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1. Always err on the side of caution and assume the worst in the case of any misunderstanding. Did you find a stray paper clip stuck to his shirt? He MUST be having an affair! Or, he never really learnt how to trust you and he never will; thanks to his scarred childhood. Never give your man room for doubt. Always seek to create optimum miscommunication, misunderstanding, disappointment and heartache. It’ll only make the realisation of wrong all the more sweeter.
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Romance cliches we know and love

Ever get the feeling of deja vu when you’re reading a Romance novel? You stop reading, glance at the book cover, and wonder to yourself whether you’ve read the book before but can’t remember it due to all the alcohol you’ve drunk, or whether it’s just you but something sounds very familiar. Ever get the feeling of deja vu when you’re reading a Romance novel? We have. And no, it’s not just you, it is not the Matrix, nor is it the alcohol (though we’re sure it’s been contributing somewhat to the occasional memory loss). We present to you, the top 10 Romance cliches a seasoned Romance reader would have undoubtedly run into at some point:

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“In Death” series by JD Robb
The “In Death” series is truly the juggernaut of the romance world, a behemoth which has acquired a life of its own. Set in the semi-distant future, it traces the path of Lieutenant Eve Dallas, a cop in the NYPD, and her relationship with her scrummy hubby, Roarke (”Call me Roarke. Just Roarke.”) Not only is Roarke practically perfect in every way, he also has fabulous fashion sense, has impeccable taste and is basically the epitome of urbane sophistication. The man has class coming out of his ass. (Who says La Lola ain’t classy?) It could just be me, but if we didn’t read so many scenes with Roarke getting it on with Eve, I could be inclined to think that the man swings a little a bit to the left.

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