Hola all you readers and RMB fangirls out there,
Given the popularity of our Proposed Plots and knowing how you little devils are almost as batshit bonkers as us, we’ve decided to throw down the gauntlet (sadly, not a gauntlet belonging to a tall, dark and hung medieval warlord) and issue you a challenge: come up with a proposed plot based on the title below.
LOVE ME TENDER, DRILL ME DEEP
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“Hi Larissa!” chirped Sheridan. “Thanks for meeting me here”
“Oh my god you’re covered in blood! And that gash across your - we need to get you to a hospital! Why are you standing in a parking lot? How are you still standing?” cried Larissa Ione, once Sheridan came into view
“Oh no, this is just paint blood. It’s all special effects see? *Sheridan rubs off a little of fake blood pooling from the plaster wound gaping across her chest* I figure this will help.”
“Help how” responded Larissa, now probably wondering why she had agreed to meet the RMB girls in a deserted parking lot
“Help to get the demon boys to take off my clothes and touch me of course! See here’s the plan - you lead me to Underground General Hospital, and I act all injured and stuff, then Eidolon comes along and has to heal me right so I take off my clothes and jump him. Then Shade comes and I jump him too. Oh and let’s not forget Wraith. Well, he doesn’t need to be in the same room I guess I can just jump him in my mind *Sheridan taps her temple* and then Lore will wonder what all the action is and then he’ll come in and th -”
“Let me guess. You’ll jump him too?”
“YES!”
RMB: So Nalini, thank you for meeting us here. In the most forested area of San Franciso we could find using google maps. I assure you, that there is a deep purpose for why we have insisted that we conduct an interview with you here - totally of course, unrelated to the fact that we want to know where the Changelings live. *Lola stage whispers to Sheridan “I thought that was the sole purpose. If not we could’ve just go back to the Honky Tonk Bar! It’s 2 for 1 night. Maybe even 3 for one if Mimi gets on that bronco again! ” *Ahem* Okay so we lied. But we understand you probably have some sort of promise going on not to expose, more importantly, the Alpha Changelings to human females so we have devised a way to assist you out of this conundrum. But first, tell us -
For those of you unfamiliar with this particular thread of posts, once in a while, the RipMyBodice girls get together over a few bottles of fine aged whisky, fried chicken and pancakes to muse about what they have read, what they wish they didn’t and what they wish they could. Any authors, editors, publishers lurkin’ about on this website, take note! We offer up potential best sellers after the jump, inspired by our favourite holiday of all time, Halloween (when else can a girl get lucky with a vampire, werewolf or demon?):
Nervously we waited at our table, our eyes trained to the door of the classy establishment we insisted Gena Showalter meet us at to conduct the interview. While Mimi trotted off to get the girls another round of drinks, Sheridan checked a sweaty pit while wondering if she should have applied a double dose of deodorant. It was the RipMyBodice girls’ first ever interview with an actual person that wasn’t a make believe Alpha Hero, a lifesized cardboard movie cut-out or Juan/ Sven in dress-up. Finally, Gena Showalter breezed through the double doors, looking like a million bucks.
“Thanks for meeting us here!” the girls trilled, gracefully rising to their feet simultaneously to adorn GS with handshakes and airkisses. “As soon as you agreed to have us interview you, we knew of the perfect place!” clapped Lola enthusiastically, swinging her arms around to reveal the decorated interior of “The Good Time Bar”, which was celebrating it’s monthly “Honky Tonk Night”. While Lola signalled to the friendly bartender in the leather steson, fu manchu and nipple revealing white wifebeater, Mimi reached for the glittery tape recorder, ready to forever record down all of Gena’s answers to our pre-prepared hard-hitting, no nonsense, intellectually stimulating questions.
Date: 1 September 2009
From: buddingeditorwriter@hotromance.com
Subject: Need assistance
Dear RipMyBodice Girls,
Firstly, I have to say that I totally love you guys! How you manage to write such great reviews, keep up with the latest fashion, and not end up in the state penitentiary for drunk and disorderly conduct I will never know but if you can help me with this, you’d totally be my heroes! I work in the Romance writing industry and every month or so we’re asked to pitch ideas for potential Romance novels in 30 words or less. It’s got to be snappy, with a title that’ll just grab you by the hair and lure you to buy the book. Do you guys have any ideas?
Hopeful,
Miss Stressed Out.
PS: Do you think you could loan out Juan and Sven to me for a weekend or so? I’ve got some muscles I’d like them to work on.
We just can’t get enough of the Lords of the Underworld here at RipMyBodice HQ and got to thinking, which of them we would want chained in our closet as our own personal plaything (our only regret being that we can’t accomodate all of them (it’s okay, renovation works are going on as we type)). After a lot of hair-pulling, screaming, coin tossing and epic chicken fight showdowns, we decided that the best way to settle this once and for all, would be by way of a RipMyBodice quiz. Remember ladies, no cheating!
Dear Mr Important Recruiter,
I am applying for a job as a secretary. I can type pretty fast and am good at organization. More importantly, I believe I am qualified to be a secretary because of all the extensive research I have done by reading Harlequin romances. As you may know, Harlequin romances always feature secretaries who fall in love with their bosses. I have not fallen in love with my boss (possibly because I do not have one) but I would like to, because male bosses seem to be young, good looking, hung like racehorses and extremely rich. I would like to work under someone like this please. Take that any way you like.
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After much yelling (at the computer screen and at each other), hair pulling, and coffee cup hurlings (at the computer screen and at each other) we’ve finally set up our very on Twitter page! Though we may be fashionably late to the whole Twitter scene, we promise to make up for lost time with much enthusiasm, our trademark snarks, occasional words of wisdom, and life lessons (like How To Drink A Body Shot Off Your Cabana Boy).
So come follow us on Twitter our dear readers, as we update you on what’s going on at RMB HQ, what we’re reading now and who we’re stalking (on Twitter and in real life). Just search “RipMyBodice“ and you should see a familiar icon pop up on your Twitter search page. However, we’re still trying to get our Twitter homepage properly set up so do bear with us through this technologically trying time in our lives.
XOXO,
Lola, Sheridan & Mimi
To spread the Christmas cheer, the RipMyBodice girls have taken it upon themselves to do a spot of carolling around their neighbourhood. With Juan and Sven in tow (both appropriate dressed with reindeer antlers, red painted noses and one large christmas sock each), the girls and their spiked eggnog now bring to you, their favourite christmas carol of all time: The Twelve Days of Christmas.
To-Be-Reviewed Pile: