“Mona Lisa Darkening” by Sunny
So does anyone know if Sunny is going to write any more novels in the Mona Lisa series or is “Mona Lisa Darkening” it? I know she’s got some Lucinda demon princess series going on, but I like me my moon coochie dammit!
OK, that came out wrong.
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“Born of Night” by Sherrilyn Kenyon
“Hey Mi, got a minu - Mimi where are you going I’m talking to you!”
Caught in the process of leaving, Mimi turned and replied evenly, “you have a portable keyboard with you. Nothing good can come out of this so I thought if I just upped and left, you would not notice and you would therefore inflict torture on someone else.”
* Sheridan pouted* “I’ll be quick I promise!”
“Torture is never quick” Mimi retorted, braiding her hair into princess leia buns to cover her ears. “Fine. I’ll sit here for just one song. However, if you so much as attempt to break into your interpretation of Chicago once again, I will hurt you. I will hurt you good. 6 hours of my life that I will NEVER get back Sheridan. NEVER!”
Startled by the sudden growl in Mimi’s voice, Sheridan was momentarily thrown but quickly recovered like the consummate professional that she is, immediately retrieving a pair of giant sparkly sunglasses and a shiny pink feather boa from her props bag. She plugs in her electric keyboard and starts playing the first chords of Elton John’s classic song, “Tiny Dancer”
“Big Bad Wolf” by Christine Warren
Dear Sheridan,
I hope this letter finds you well.
Given that you have been away from RMB headquarters, I have been unable to discuss “Big Bad Wolf” with you. As you may imagine, this has left me distraught because I would like to share my feelings for Graham Winters with the world notwithstanding the failure of my repeated attempts to procure a recurring spot on Oprah. And so I have decided to pen you this missive instead.
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“The Darkest Whisper” by Gena Showalter
Dear Diary,
Today was the day that Lola finally lost it. I could see it coming for a while now and after reading Gena Showalter’s “The Darkest Whisper”, she finally snapped. For there I was, sipping on a little jug of mulled wine while flipping through the latest issue of Vogue when suddenly, I heard a loud “NOoOOOOOoOOoOooOOOOO!!!!!!” coming from the direction of Lola’s office. Ever the concerned citizen that I am, I paused mid flip, then reached for that extra blanket Juan had kindly left out for me. Truly, I thought nothing of the further ensuing commotions, bangs, yelps and mutterings; figuring that perhaps once again Lola had been bested by Mimi in a game of drunken Twister until - God. It’s so difficult to even say it but I must, for the first step to heal is to reveal. Diary, it was horrific! It was a crash! Then a bang! As my office door flew open and against the flattering lights of my office I saw - I saw Lola, decked out in paper mache feathered wings, aluminum foiled claws and powdered white skin!
“Deep Kiss of Winter” by Gena Showalter & Kresley Cole
- Untouchable by Kresley Cole
O Lord, before I lay me down to sleep tonight
Please my one prayer answer, to set my soul a-flight
I’ve asked You for a lot over the years I know
But if you would take time out of your busy day you’ll see that I pray for this with every inch of my soul
For dear Lord, in my next life, I want to return not as a Victoria Secret’s model or as a queen bee
But as, sweet merciful Lord, a beautiful, petite yet deadly Valkyrie
“Heart of the Dragon” by Gena Showalter
(An RMB re-interpretation of “Gaston” from Walt Disney’s Beauty and The Beast (why yes, we don’t have anything else better to do, thanks for asking))
Sheridan: Who does she think she is? That girl Grace has tangled with the wrong man! No one (but me) has claims to Darius!
La Lola: Heh Heh. Darn right.
Sheridan: He’s hot! So hot! But it’s Grace he loves! Why, it’s more than I can bear!
La Lola: More beer?
Sheridan: What for? Nothing helps. I’m depressed.
La Lola: Who you? Never! Sheridan you’ve got to pull yourself together. *Lola suddenly looks up, startled, as Sheridan has climbed up on her desk and is preparing to sing a love ballad to Darius*
Sheridan: *ahem*
“White Star” by Elizabeth Vaughan
After 0.01 seconds: Am in great pain. Falling asleep by the pool when mercury’s ready to pop out of the thermometer is not a good idea. Apparently when the girl at the IPL hair removal salon tells you to stay out of the sun for 24 hours, she is not lying. Arms now look as if I have been sprayed by a radioactive chemical agent. Not exactly the look I was going for. Will try and console myself with reading “White Star” by E. Vaughan. Pick up book.
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“Here Kitty, Kitty” by Shelly Laurenston
Dear Lola, Mimi, Juan and Sven,
If you’re reading this, I am probably on the next flight out to South Carolina in the US of A (and if I am unable to convince Mister Airline Ticket Man to let me purchase a ticket with all my worldly savings ($46.82), then I guess I should be back in time for dinner so save me a plate ok?). You see my friends, I am on a mission to find Nikolai Vorislav, the gorgeous shape shifting tiger with a Southern accent, deep pockets, hot body and crazy ass sex drive. Though I am different from the heroine (being that my lady bits do not emit thumping noises - audible to my own ears at least), I am pretty sure I will be able to turn Nik around in his obsession over Angelina to me. I think. No no, I’m sure of it and you know why??
“Raine: Lords of Satyr” by Elizabeth Amber
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta’s thoughts and notes on “Raine: Lords of Satyr” (also known as Please God Help Your Child Sheridan Maintain Her Sanity And Heal Her Of Her Recurring Tendency To Purchase Books Based Solely On Their Covers Amen); written concurrently as she reads this book and tries very hard not to scream “ARE YOU SH*TTING ME” as loud outbursts of sound tend to draw complaints from the neighbours.
(1) Meditated briefly to recall pertinent facts of the Satyr story as set out in Nicholas’s book and mentally prepared self. Assured self that having at least read the first book, this second book in the series would be more of the same and therefore would receive no major surprises (the kind that’ll leave a girl staring wide-eyed at her ceiling cos she’s too frightened to go to bed). Feel better! Open book.
“Fur For All” by Christine Warren
“Hello? Pappy?”
*crackle of the telephone line* “Who is this?”
“It’s Sheri! Hi Pappy how are you?”
To-Be-Reviewed Pile:
