“Desert Prince, Bride of Innocence” by Lynne Graham
OK this is maybe likely to get me into a whole lot of trouble and possibly result in some kind of fatwa being launched against Ripmybodice (note to self – remind Sheridan and Mimi to be on standby to activate Emergency Plan involving dressing up in black Armani Prive jumpsuits and camouflage print Jimmy Choo pumps, in case we need to make a quick getaway.) But has anybody realized that a lot of the Sheikh romance novels out there aren’t very, well, realistic?
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“The Italian Billionaire’s Pregnant Bride” by Lynne Graham

Sheridan watched as Lola ran her fingers up and down the Romance section of the bookstore, and smiled tentatively at the Pale Scary Lady who looked less than impressed by Lola’s fondling of the books. “Lola can we go now? I think Pale Scary Lady is about thisclose to sneaking up on us and then garrote us with a length of brown packing string” whispered Sheridan, nervously waving at the Pale Scary Lady who had now narrowed her eyes at Lola’s attempt at molding herself against the M to P shelf. “But I haven’t found anything yet!” protested Lola. Ignoring Mimi’s shouts of “I have!” from across the the Murder, Mystery, Supernatural aisle, Lola turned to Sheridan who held a pile of Harlequinn Romance books and picked up the first book in the pile.

“Hmm. “The Italian Billionaire’s Pregnant Bride”" read Mimi out loud from behind Lola’s shoulder. “Ooooh. What do you suppose the book is about?”

“Well Mi, probably about an intergalatic half man half snake warrior who comes to planet earth in search of a bride and ends up marrying and eloping with Harry Potter because he speak parseltongue”  mused Sheridan, making her way to the counter.

“OOH!” exclaimed Mimi, looking at Sheridan with uncontained excitement.

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“The Contaxis Baby” by Lynne Graham

So for about an hour and twenty minutes yesterday, I was immersed in a world of jealous Greek billionaires, put-upon Cinderella types and the dreaded attempt at revenge by the hero. I too want to be the focus of some industrialist’s plot for revenge because of my unforgivable sin of bankrupting his family/ screwing with his brother/ accidentally-on-purpose running over his family cat Popples. Because then, at the end, after having done all sorts of demented tricks on me like some twisty pipe cleaner, he will receive an epiphany and find out that I had actually tried to save his family fortune/ his brother is gay and Popples wasn’t actually a real cat but a cybergenic machine made up to look like a real cat that had been implanted there as a spying tool by his enemies.

That’s right. This is what goes on in my head.

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“The Desert Sheikh’s Captive Bride” and “The Greek Tycoon’s Defiant Bride” by Lynne Graham

Lynne Graham, how many hours of enjoyment you have brought me. OK maybe hours is a bit of a stretch since your books are Harlequin and consequently, I have seen thicker pancakes. But you are my new heart twinge quick read guilty pleasure now that Diana Palmer has firmly established herself in that no-mans land— Walker, Texas Ranger territory.

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“The Disobedient Mistress” by Lynne Graham

On those days when I’m feeling a bit antsy and want a quick romance fix without getting sucked into a full-length novel, I grab a Harlequin book because the book gets straight to the point. Or at least, it should in theory. Because sometimes I can do without the hero and heroine pussy footing around trying to “feel” each other out in an attempt for emotional conflict, but which I really know is a poorly disguised attempt by the author to meet her word count and not have her editor show up at her doorstep with a hatchet. The downside of this is that some (ok fine, a lot) of the Harlequin books are pretty… wait a sec, there’s a French word I’m looking for. Oh yeah. Crappy. And they all kind of meld together in my mind as some sort of super Harlequin monster: The Billionaire Cowboy Fireman Tycoon Greek-Spanish-Italian Sheikh’s Conveniently Innocent Bought Secretary Mistress Bride’s Secret Twin Babies. Read the rest of this entry »