“Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me” by Bella Andre

“Hey Lola, I just got this postcard in the mail from Sheri. Apparently she’s off to Napa for the weekend?” chirped Mimi while strolling into Lola’s office. “Oh yeah she sent me one too” replied Lola, surreptitiously reaching into her dustbin to retrieve Sheridan’s postcard. “Why would Sheri send us each a postcard to tell us where she’s gone to?” mused Mimi, ignoring Lola’s glare as she rested the heels of her Louboutins on the edge of Lola’s desk. At the sound of knocking, Lola and Mimi both turned toward the door, only to find Juan, also holding a postcard. “You too?” asked Lola. Nodding, Juan hands Lola his postcard as Mimi begins to read aloud the contents of hers:

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“Wild For Him” by Janelle Denison

DATE: February 27, 2010

NOMINATION FORM FILLED IN BY: La Lola / Sheridan Sakura Carlotta / Ma’mselle Mimi

THIS BOOK IS A: Historical / Scottish Historical / Contemporary / Paranormal / Others (It’s a superfreak, superfreak)

STATUS: Hot under the collar

WHAT ARE YOU NOMINATING: That Janelle Denison’s book be entirely re-edited to feature Sheridan Sakura Carlotta as the lead heroine.

WHY: Ben is hot hot hot! (Duh)

IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE: Ben’s love-monkey

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“Game For Seduction” by Bella Andre
On Wed, Feb 10, 2010 at 10:16 AM, La Lola wrote:
Oh my God, I am freezing! And you know Sheri, I think Sven may need more clothes than just his g-string and pom pom hat while he’s outside shoveling the snow because I distinctly heard rumblings of “Nein, these crazy vomen are turning my meatballs frozen!”
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“Desert Prince, Bride of Innocence” by Lynne Graham
OK this is maybe likely to get me into a whole lot of trouble and possibly result in some kind of fatwa being launched against Ripmybodice (note to self – remind Sheridan and Mimi to be on standby to activate Emergency Plan involving dressing up in black Armani Prive jumpsuits and camouflage print Jimmy Choo pumps, in case we need to make a quick getaway.) But has anybody realized that a lot of the Sheikh romance novels out there aren’t very, well, realistic?
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“Game for Anything” by Bella Andre
Set to the music of the classic “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond (Or Mark Salling – aka The Hotness To Infinite Degree)

Where it began, I know exactly when – You
Took Julie’s V-card with your schlong
Now you’re quarterback, whoooo
But with an image bummer
As I’ll describe in this song
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“The Tycoon’s Rebel Bride” by Maya Banks

Some producer/writer in Hollywood should totally come up with a made for TV series feature bonanza based on these bite sized mini Romance novels served up by Silhouette. Compelling stuff. Maybe feature it on Hallmark since not only do the plots feature happily ever afters (thus fulfilling the feel-good element) but also, important life lessons. Take for example “The Tycoon’s Rebel Bride” wherein I have learnt that it is important and possible, to go for what you want in life. Who cares if you end up looking like some desperate, crazed psychotic woman? It’s called focus.

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“Flyboy” by Karen Foley

DATE: October 19, 2009

NOMINATION FORM FILLED IN BY: La Lola / Sheridan Sakura Carlotta / Ma’mselle Mimi

THIS BOOK IS A: Historical / Scottish Historical / Contemporary / Paranormal / Others (It’s a superfreak, superfreak)

STATUS: Sober

WHAT ARE YOU NOMINATING: That this month’s leftover petty cash goes to Sheridan’s bid to buy those Louboutin leopard print booties. And also that the below mentioned candidate be entered into the ripmybodice.com Alpha Hall Of Many Candy Hottness

WHY: Mama Sheridan needs a new pair of shoes for autumn duh!

IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE: Pistacchio gelato ice-cream!

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“The Italian Billionaire’s Pregnant Bride” by Lynne Graham

Sheridan watched as Lola ran her fingers up and down the Romance section of the bookstore, and smiled tentatively at the Pale Scary Lady who looked less than impressed by Lola’s fondling of the books. “Lola can we go now? I think Pale Scary Lady is about thisclose to sneaking up on us and then garrote us with a length of brown packing string” whispered Sheridan, nervously waving at the Pale Scary Lady who had now narrowed her eyes at Lola’s attempt at molding herself against the M to P shelf. “But I haven’t found anything yet!” protested Lola. Ignoring Mimi’s shouts of “I have!” from across the the Murder, Mystery, Supernatural aisle, Lola turned to Sheridan who held a pile of Harlequinn Romance books and picked up the first book in the pile.

“Hmm. “The Italian Billionaire’s Pregnant Bride”" read Mimi out loud from behind Lola’s shoulder. “Ooooh. What do you suppose the book is about?”

“Well Mi, probably about an intergalatic half man half snake warrior who comes to planet earth in search of a bride and ends up marrying and eloping with Harry Potter because he speak parseltongue”  mused Sheridan, making her way to the counter.

“OOH!” exclaimed Mimi, looking at Sheridan with uncontained excitement.

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“Start Me Up” by Victoria Dahl

“MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” bellowed Sheridan as she opened the sliding doors leading to the RMB pool

“What”

“Oh I didn’t see you there! Oh for heaven’s sake! You can’t sunbathe topless anymore! Didn’t you get the memo Lola and I sent you? We can’t afford another fine for disturbing the peace” Sheridan ended in a mutter, shielding her eyes from the sight of Mimi’s unbound breasts. “I want to run a review by you and it’s done to your favourite song - “Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna. Let me know what you think okay?” Sheridan asked while dragging her boombox towards Mimi.

“Why - ” started Mimi, whose remaining words were drowned out by the loud opening strains of the song and Sheridan’s singing

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“Impetuous” by Lori Foster

Now the premise of this book is supposedly (and loosely) based on the whole Cinderella/ Ugly Duckling storyline. Carlie’s a frumpy school teacher whose bordering on spinsterdom and who thanks to her BFF, gets shoved in a sexy harem girl outfit and dragged to a costume party. The male lead in this story is Tyler, the too-sexy-for-my-pants lawyer who has no lack of gorgeous vapid model-like girls on his arm but who, his brother claims, secretly yearns for a stable normal girlfriend who’ll kiss away his childhood traumas (mommy was the town’s easy rider and daddy didn’t love him none) and love him for him. Now check it - Tyler’s brother is married to Carlie’s BFF and so having spent a reasonable amount of time in Tyler’s beautiful presence, it is understandable that Carlie has somewhat of a teensy weensy crush on him though at this point she’d rather eat dirt than admit. *Sheridan starts chanting “eat dirt! eat dirt! eat dir- Oh hey Lola. Napping wer- OUCH!”*

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