Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s just too much
“Deep Kiss of Winter” by Gena Showalter & Kresley Cole
- Untouchable by Kresley Cole
O Lord, before I lay me down to sleep tonight
Please my one prayer answer, to set my soul a-flight
I’ve asked You for a lot over the years I know
But if you would take time out of your busy day you’ll see that I pray for this with every inch of my soul
For dear Lord, in my next life, I want to return not as a Victoria Secret’s model or as a queen bee
But as, sweet merciful Lord, a beautiful, petite yet deadly Valkyrie
For they seem to have all the luck with the yummiest men in the Lore
Take this recent example to wit, Daniela the Ice Virgin Snore
Yes, yes she may be pretty with a hot body to boot
But Lord aren’t I more interesting? I mean, look at me! I’m damn cute!
Oops, sorry Jesus I did not mean to swear
And perhaps with Daniela I should not compare
Please don’t chalk this as a black mark against my plea
I’ll be good from now on, I promise! You’ll see!
In order to sway You to my way of thinking
I thought it’d be helpful if I even promise to give up drinking
Yes Lord, I want a man from the Lore, I’m desperate it’s true
A werewolf, a demon, a vampire, any of them will do!
Make him like Murdoch, the vampire in this tale
A man who would not inspire me to take the veil
For this vampire Murdoch is glorious, scrumptious and my baby daddy to be
Oh how I wish that his claim of “Mine” referred only to little old me
He’d kill all those who dared me harm
Ripping off their heads and arms
Then over my wounded fire arrow punctured body he’ll crouch protectively
And then whisky me back to his place to undress me to my panty
In order to save my life he’d care not for his own wounds or his need to nourish himself with blood
So crazed about my well-being he’d be, tracing all over to get more ice for my tub
For as part Icere I am nourished by the cold
And Murdoch would do everything in his power to see that I am whole
Then after the freezer is stuffed with ice and the air-conditioning has been turned down low
He’ll keep vigil by my side, pacing slow
And as I slept in recovery
He’ll wash my hair, ensuring it blood free
Oh sweet Jesus, a man like Murdoch I must have in my next life!
I promise, I swear, I’ll be his most obedient wife!
‘TIs unfair Father, that little Danii gets all the fun
When a man’s touch burns her fair icy skin like the sun
And yet, she bloods Murdoch, making her his Bride
And she’s the one who on him gets to go for a ride
Bah! I say and Pah! as well
For to be in that shower stall with Murdoch, I would cheerily walk through hell
And for him to growl at every men ogling me
I would gladly do time in purgatory
Though Father I’m not so sure about his use of an icicle stick
That serves as a double for his impressive wick
Now if you think I’m being fussy
Please note I have also discussed this with Lola The RMB Hussy
Whispered I did while the lights went down during This Is It
That Murdoch had used an ice stick to Danii’s holy pit
She gasped in horror, her Michael Jackson hat askew
“You must put this in your review!”
Indeed I will Lord, but first I thought I’d pray
So You can take this my sole request into consideration this day
Oh wait! I see that Gena Showalter’s story is next
Heh perhaps I’ll get back to you after I finish that text
It is possible I may have a second prayer request to add
(or maybe third since the last to remove the shoulder pad fad)
Amen.
Julie Bo Boolie said,
November 16, 2009 @ 9:05 pm
meh.. I don’t see it any different from the sex toys in the Lora Leigh books (viz. the icicle). I’m not averse to the use of accessories in the bedroom and ice can be a lot of fun. Just saying.
I really liked how the timeline of the book worked and included all the brothers’ stories in it. I’m still most partial to Conrad but this was a good one too.
Frannie said,
November 16, 2009 @ 11:51 pm
The awesomeness of Murdoch (and your prayer) notwithstanding, this wasn’t one of my favourites. Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian, and find it difficult to stay warm for much of the year, so all that ice, regardless of where and how applied …..brrrr!
And maybe you could add a p.s. to your prayer - that in future the publisher refrain from trying to stick it to Cole’s loyal fans by putting her books out in hardcover.
Fifi Trixibelle said,
December 1, 2009 @ 7:16 am
Nah, don’t think LL’s gone near ice.
Bernie said,
December 12, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
Girls where are you?? I have checked the site everyday and no new reviews. Did you take DEC. off? I miss you! After e-mail I look at Rip next.
Bernie said,
December 20, 2009 @ 12:16 am
Come on now Girls where are you??? Gone for good or just having some Christmas Cheer somewhere warm???
Naughty Ashley said,
December 21, 2009 @ 9:26 am
I will admit that I would TOTALLY be willing to run around buck naked in the snow for Murdoch. Doesn’t that coumt for something? And I would offer my neck up (among other things:) to him like a piece of Godiva Chocolate. Eat all you want honey. I’ll reap the rewards later.
Amy said,
January 8, 2010 @ 1:29 pm
Well. Where did everyone go?!?
Bernie said,
January 8, 2010 @ 10:35 pm
Hi Amy,
I wonder if they are gone for good? I do miss them.
Bernie
Pan's Consort said,
January 13, 2010 @ 11:16 pm
I hope they are just working on their tans and preparing more reviews in Tahiti. Please ladies, send us a postcard to let us know you are all ok. I love this site. So much funnier than the “Smart Bitches” reviews. Has anyone tried the “Contact Us” feature?
Bernie said,
January 14, 2010 @ 9:58 am
Yes tried that. Didn’t go through. So sad anyone have any review sites to recommend? They will be missed. Anyone have any LAST WORDS?
Pan's Consort said,
January 14, 2010 @ 11:19 am
How odd they would just abandon ship. I know a few people who adore this site. The only other place I trust for reviews is All About Romance http://www.likesbooks.com/
AAR is a respected site, but none of their reviewers are as creative or as witty as the Divas here.
Bernie said,
January 14, 2010 @ 9:36 pm
So true, I also use AAR now the others are so so. Oh well I will keep this on my favorites and will check in. Bernie
Victoria M said,
January 21, 2010 @ 11:48 am
I just discovered this website and I’m loving it. Will they be back? I hope so. I’m laughing so hard, my ribs ache. Excellent job, ladies.
Amy said,
January 23, 2010 @ 11:59 pm
*sigh* Still no sign of the girls? I miss my RMB fix!
Monkey said,
January 28, 2010 @ 10:35 am
hope all is well!
LadyCurvyA.K.APHR said,
January 30, 2010 @ 3:39 am
Me too … :/
Frannie said,
January 31, 2010 @ 9:03 pm
I know it’s likely a huge amount of pressure to continually be so clever and funny, and maybe the RMB girls are burnt out, but I do miss them and will keep checking back from time to time. And the comments were generally really good too!