Message in a bottle
“Fur For All” by Christine Warren
“Hello? Pappy?”
*crackle of the telephone line* “Who is this?”
“It’s Sheri! Hi Pappy how are you?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“Sheridan. Your only granddaughter”
“You are not from the IRS?”
“No Pappy. I haven’t filed my taxes since ‘97. Nor am I from the super secret federal department based out in Area 51. Sheridan. SHER-YEE-DEN. You know, long black hair, flawless skin, big luminous eyes? Likes to read romance novels? Sometimes pretends she’s engaged to Matthew Farrell?”
“Sheri! How are you my child?”
“I’m good Pappy! I hope they are treating you well down at the centre”
“Yes yes. Very well. Although I must say girl, that they keep giving me male nurses to tend to me. I don’t like that and you must speak to them at once”
“That’s cos you kept squeezing the butts of the female ones without their permission Pappy - not to mention the fact that you would corner them with your walker and then ask them to check your catheter. And you darn well know you’re a Depends man.”
“Pshaw. I don’t believe that - how do you think I managed to get your grandma, God rest her soul, to marry me?”
“Pappy didn’t you knock her out and then drive 200 miles to Vegas and have her marry you against her will?”
*crackle of telephone line* “I’m sorry I cannot hear you child what was it you are calling me about?”
“Oh I just wanted to know if you had any messages for me”
“Messages?”
“Yes! To take to maybe the Felix of the Werecat population of Manhattan?”
“Felix?”
“Yes! It’s like the Alpha of all the werecats. In particular, I’m wondering if you have any messages you’d like me to pass on to Rafael Del Santos who is you know, the reigning Felix at the moment.”
“Rafael who?”
“Rafael Del Santos. Or you know, Rafe! He’s about 300 pounds, probably over 6 feet tall, all bronzey, good looking, smooth like silk and sexier than George Clooney showing up on my front porch dipped in chocolate. I kid you not Pappy! I have surely found the man of my dreams.”
“Who is this man?! He sells chocolate?”
“Oh no thank God. Actually I’m not sure what he does - other than sit on the Council of Others and run Virolac, which really is this nightclub for vampires, werewolves, werecats, demons etc. God I REALLY need to organise that road trip with the girls to find this club! Happiness can be found Pappy! Right in the heart of Upper East Side, Manhattan.
“I like gossip girl”
“OMG! So do I! But seriously Pappy you need to focus, and then you need to give me a message to take to Rafe. Then I will don my new black Burberry trench, stiletto boots and head out into the night and stalk him for about half a block before he turns around and hauls me up against the wall; supporting my soft willing body with his, as he sniffs me up and down and runs his sharp teeth across my neck. WOOWHEE!”
“Child…have you been sneaking into Pappy’s emergency medicine cabinet again?”
“NoOOooo. I’ve been reading this book you see. This Christine Warren book called “Fur For All” and hot damn if that shouldn’t be on the ticket of the next US Presidential Election. So this book, is all about Rafe. Rafe, Rafe, Rafe. Don’t you think Rafe is a sexy name Pappy? Because Rafe is a sexy sexy man. Alpha to the max, possessive and aggressive! Just the way I like them. Plus, I’ve always liked the idea of saving a species from extinction.”
“Sheri you’ve lost me. Who’s going extinct??”
“Why, the felix population of Manhattan that’s who! Keep up Pappy! Cos you see, long long ago, a Felix made a witch fall in love with him but because Felixes need like two gazillion tons of catnip to keep their libidos down, that long ago Felix cheated on that wee little witch and she cursed him good - making sure that the Felix population will decrease steadily until a Felix falls in love with a witch or something like that. Anyway, haven’t you always bugged me for little ones?”
“HUMAN little ones Sheridan.”
“Pshaw. Minor technicalities Pappy. We have to focus on the positive! Being that a) Rafe lives in a high rise building in Manhattan where the elevator rides are long and each cabin is soundproof therefore facilitating baby making on the move; b) Rafe is a sexy beast; c) Rafe’s inlaid art deco table at the enterance of his apartment has practical uses (i.e. not just a pretty table my friend!); d) Rafe’s sharp teeth can cut through my clothes any time! ANYTIME!; e) mirrors are Rafe’s friend; and f) YOU NEED TO GIVE ME THAT MESSAGE NOW!”
“Sheridan are you sure you’re well?”
“Where’s the message Grandpa.”
“What message?!”
“Ok you know what, this is a ploy isn’t it? Cos in the book, Tess’s grandpa wanted her dead. Do you want me dead Pappy? Is this what this is about? Huh? You want me to die a loveless Felixless sexless Rafeless existence is that what this is about?!”
“* crackling heard on the line * ”
“Pappy??”
“Hello Sheridan? This is Doctor Stevens. Would you like to come in to the hospital for a minute to chat? Just you know, let’s get to know each other.”
“Erm, oh! Heh. Well, Doctor. No no it’s fine. I’m fine!”
“I have a message fo-”
“I’ll be right there!!”
Julie Bo Boolie said,
July 31, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
Adding to wish list right away…
Read She’s No Faerie Princess and liked that one so looking forward to this one too
Thanks!
Julie Bo Boolie said,
July 31, 2009 @ 8:37 pm
Hmmm does this book come in a printed version? I need actually pages to turn!
Julie Bo Boolie said,
July 31, 2009 @ 8:37 pm
actual .. gah!
judy said,
July 31, 2009 @ 9:35 pm
Ok - looked this book up on both Amazon and Ellora’s Cave - neither has it listed!! Where to get it?
Amanda said,
July 31, 2009 @ 9:42 pm
Rafe was great, but I still like Graham the best! Wait until you read Fur Factor!
Julie Bo Boolie said,
August 1, 2009 @ 12:36 am
http://www.diesel-ebooks.com/cgi-bin/item/parent-9781843606819/Fixed-Fur-For-All-eBook.html
this is the only place I could find it.. I don’t think there is a paper version as I’ve yet to find an ISBN number attached to it. I know one of her books has been adapted and is being published as Big Bad Wolf … but this one isn’t it
Hazel said,
August 1, 2009 @ 6:08 am
My favourite Others book. It’s just hilarious and a blast to read through. It’s rare for me to like the hero AND heroine. Tess was saucy but charming and Rafe, is one hell of a sexy beast.
Highly recommended. I was alternating between giggling and reaching for anything to cool me down because the love scenes sure are hot.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
August 1, 2009 @ 11:23 am
Hazel I think it’s probably my favourite Christine Warren book as well! Rafe was…*fans self* wow. Just wow. My only complaint was that the book wasn’t as long as I had wanted it to be (i.e. like LoTR long!)
Hey Julie Bo Boolie, that’s where I got the book from myself! I couldn’t find a book version of it anywhere either!
Amanda I cannot wait to read Fur Factor. In fact, I’m going to hunt that baby down asap. Thanks for the tip-off!
Fancy said,
August 1, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
My first Christine Warren book is ‘Wolf at the Door’, and Rafael is actually the highlight of the book for me. Seriously. After his appearance, I feel like dropping that book and just go read his story asap. But upon checking out Christie Warren’s FAQ on her website, Rafael’s story is one of those that will be ‘rereleased as expanded novels’. So I’m holding out for the longer one. Can’t wait!
I do hope it will be LoTR long too ;D
Bridget Locke said,
August 2, 2009 @ 12:13 am
mmmmm….Rafe. That is all.