Gah.
“Politically Incorrect: Stalked” by Jaid Black
Whatever you think about Jaid Black, I got to admit that her books make for compulsive reading. I read some of the stuff that’s on the page and I swear to God, my jaw’s hanging so low that Juan could grow some petunias in my mouth. (He could also do maybe some more interesting stuff instead but it’s summer and my boy really loves his gardening.) So though I can’t say that I even really like all of Jaid Black’s books, I gotta give her props. The lady has chutzpah to write some of the things she does.
“Politically Incorrect: Stalked” is a quickie from Ellora’s Cave, running at a very paltry 32 pages. Regina Rose is the latest 18 year old singing sensation who finds herself butt naked, tied up in a cold basement and at the mercy of a captor who claims to be her biggest fan. And who should the deranged psycho turn out to be but Adam Bennett, her one-time crush when she was 15 and whom she left behind in order to pursue the big lights in LA. And although she thinks of the gorgeous bricklayer (yes, BRICKLAYER) from time to time, her life has moved on. That is until she finds herself abducted by Adam’s even more whacked out brother Johnny Bennett, who’s kidnapped the pop star for his big brother’s birthday present. What, you can’t just treat him to dinner at Sizzler?
Besides the fact that Adam is, oh I don’t know, committing a federal crime and all, that’s also the whole thing about how he’s 35 and she’s 18. What the?! You do realize good sir, that when you were 17 and getting jiggy with it in the backseat of your car with some girl, the object of your lustful obsession was but an embryo? And so Adam rationalizes that since he couldn’t have her when she was 15 and he was 32 (what scruples you have, being afraid of getting busted for statutory RAPE), he has waited like the gentleman he is so that she’s now legally 18 and THEN he can just rape her because he’s chivalrous like that. So we’re treated to lots of charming anecdotes as we go into the mind of a rapist, and discover how Adam really really really wants to eat some cherry pie. Of the Regina variety. Excuse me while I barf.
So poor Regina is submitted to the forceful attentions of Adam and Johnny, the Brothers Grimm but hey it’s all good because after all, she really starts to enjoy herself and wow you must get a really good workout being a bricklayer because Adam has a tight butt and apparently it’s ok to be a class A psycho if you’ve got hot cross buns. And if Adam gets jealous of her being with Johnny (and by ‘being with Johnny’ I mean he forces her, and not that they like pina coladas and taking walks in the rain together), this MUST be the hallmark of a romance hero, no?
Let me think for a second.
Um, no.
So what if there’s the occasional sob and “please don’t kill me” but it’s ok if she wants it in the end right? After all, what relationship doesn’t have teething problems? Nothing says commitment like telling a man that you’ll be his sex slave forever just as long as he doesn’t kill you. I am so aghast by this that I don’t even know what to say. Actually, I do know what to say but I can’t because this is (supposed to be) a PG site. Just know that it involves lots of asterixes on my computer in place of words.
Unfortunately, it’s plots like these that give romance novels a reputation akin to the bottom of a charred frying pan. And as I tell myself that it will probably end with some nausea-inducing queasy excuse for an epilogue where Regina has popped out a couple of kids with her bricklayer kidnapper/ love of her life and is deliriously happy because she’s no longer chained up in the basement. Some women are content with the little things in life.
AND THEN…
*spoiler*
Jaid Black goes and does the unbelievable cop-out of “And it was all a dream.” Or in this case, a weird ass psycho fantasy that Regina had. Because in reality, she’s a forty-something year old schoolteacher and not a rockstar, and she’s been married to Adam Bennett for the past 20 years. And this is all some kind of birthday role-playing wish fulfillment that he’s granted her because them middle aged folks, they’s like to play games like that.
Yes, that sound you hear is my head hitting the keyboard. Hard. I don’t know which is worse. That the book could be about some poor 18 year old getting raped or that the book is actually about some 40 year old schoolteacher who fantasizes that she’s some 18 year old nubile young thing (talk about fantasies) who could get raped. What kind of schoolteacher is this and what on earth does she teach at school?!? And if there really is a 17 year age gap (although I really don’t know what to believe at this point), then Adam Bennett is 57 years old and playing this sort of games with his school-teacher wife! Is he really a bricklayer then? I am too grossed out for words. Can he even get it up is what I want to know. And so for his wife’s birthday surprise, Adam fulfilled her long-time fantasy of getting abused by 2 men and so hired this other guy to act as his brother. And he was more than happy to do this for her, because she had hired a hooker for his birthday the year before to fulfill his 2 women fantasy. What, Pottery Barn’s no good? Some people really need to seek advice on what to get other people for birthday gifts, s’all I’m saying.
Can you say ick? Because I don’t know about you, but I definitely need a shower. And not in the “wow this is really hawt I need to cool down” sort of way. More of a “yeah hose me down with cold water in a decontamination chamber” vein.
But yeah, Jaid Black. You gotta admit that she’s pretty adventurous when it comes to her plots. And I hate to say it, but my taste isn’t quite that adventurous.
Julie Bo Boolie said,
July 28, 2009 @ 9:18 pm
Jaid Black is out of my personal comfort zone. I’d have to read a month of Nora Roberts and Johanna Lindsey’s to get that taste out of my mouth.
TJ said,
July 29, 2009 @ 2:09 am
asbdfabfkjsa.
No.
And no again.
Fifi Trixibelle said,
July 29, 2009 @ 4:06 am
Hmm, my love still sees me as the hot 19 year old he met and I’m 50. But he better not tie me up in the basement next week…
Brandy said,
July 29, 2009 @ 6:35 am
Egads, NO thank you.
dlamb8 said,
July 29, 2009 @ 9:13 am
umm… yeah.
i think i’ll pass.
La Lola said,
July 29, 2009 @ 6:40 pm
Really, when I was reading this e-book there were so many times I just went, “she did NOT just go there.” Weird ass.
Bridget Locke said,
August 2, 2009 @ 12:12 am
*snicker*
I admit to reading this book. And then laughing with disgust (if that’s possible). This book was so out of it, it was just plain bizarre.
GarrettKristine26 said,
April 6, 2010 @ 3:35 am
Set your life more easy get the loan and all you need.