A reviewer’s prayer
“The Blackmail Baby” by Penny Jordan
Before I lay me down to sleep
And lie awake and count them sheep
Something off my chest I must confess!
That has me scratching my head in excess! -
I don’t know what it is with authors and their love of shift-1
Because it realy makes reading their books a lot less fun
Take for example, this latest book
Which had an exclamation mark in almost every nook!
Hard enough a time I had getting over the names of the characters
“Imogen” and “Dracco” sound like the names of the poor children of silly Hollywood actors!
Truly, a little uninspired I was about this latest read
(I totally should have gone out with the girls intead for some mead!)
The story begins with the young “Imogen” lass; or “Imo” as Dracco so tenderly calls
Who for Dracco her father’s assistant she did fall!
And when her papa died she found herself at 18 to be wed!
To Dracco himself and nervously anticipated sharing his bed
But enter on her wedding day the heroine’s evil stepmother Lisa
(Who later on in the story settles largely in Ibiza)
Lisa is a vindictive jealous bitch who wants Draco for her own
And so insinuates to Imo that Dracco’s bubblestick she had blown!
She dares Imo to find out if Dracco is in love with a certain miss
And so Imo does just that, almost immediately after their wedding kiss
(Between Dracco and Imo that is, lest you be confused)
And finds out that indeed, Dracco is in love and so Imo’s heart was bruised!
Imo flees from the church and onto a plane
Straight to Rio never to be heard of again!
Until of course four years later when her father’s money becomes accessible to her
And she finds that since their parting, Dracco has been somewhat of an entrepreneur
Doubling, tripling even her father’s fortune and business
But Imo doesn’t care, she still thinks Lisa is his mistress!
Imo’s main goal is to take her share of the money and go
Back to Rio and to the nuns and children she’d known
But Dracco’s all like - You want the money?! I want a son!
And so! The plot! It has begun!
“This is blackmail!!” Imo cries out in shock -
“I will never forgive you for making me tend to your [s]ock!”
Unfazed by her words, Dracco responds “give me a baby and then you will be free”
But who knew that in fact, Dracco was in love with Imo to an intolerable degree!
For years ago he had confessed his love to Imo’s dad
Saying “good sir! Your daughter I do love and want to wed!”
Imo’s father however charges him with a promise to hold
Not to confess his love until Imo is at least 21 years’ old!
But this to Imo Dracco does not tell!
For he wants her to fall in love with him as well!
And so he brings Imo to her childhood home
And there in her love nest his fingers try to roam!
But Imo is reluctant and resistant to his charms
Until one night she finds herself lying in his arms!
The morning after she says to him that what they had shared was special indeed
But Dracco dismisses her and off to London “on business” he speeds!
Hurt and confused, Imo takes to the garden to potter
But not before she is confronted by Lisa the plotter!
Who continues to drive more doubts into Imo’s frail (stupid) mind
Until Imo decides to run again and leave Britain behind!
Thinking Imo’s run away again and now gone for good
Dracco to his liquor cabinet began to root
But lo! He finds that Imo returns (for reasons I cannot recall)
Which is a good thing because then from her solicitor she receives later a social call!
Who tells her the promise made between Dracco and her dear dead papa
And so in Dracco’s arms she finally surrenders her tata(s)
Alls well that ends well as misunderstandings are torn asunder
And Imo and Dracco live happily ever after in a world of shift-1 wonder!
And so Lord, before I sleep tonight
Give me dreams of dashing men and dream-like flight
Make them Alpha, make them strong
Let them all be wearing thongs
And tomorrow when I wake, may I be happy as a lark
Without, oh please, without seeing any exclamation marks!
dlamb8 said,
July 15, 2009 @ 10:39 pm
great review! made me lol!
have i mentioned how great it is that you’re back?! well, it is!
*please note intended excessive use of shift-1
Renee said,
July 16, 2009 @ 11:54 am
OK, so the story totally lost me at his nickname for her. Imo? That’s the name of a brand of imitation sour cream, here. (Insert joke here.)
However, i loved your prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oops. My finger slipped on the shift key.
Actually, I had that problem with Kenyon’s Fantasy Lover. All the exclamation! points! drove me nuts.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
July 16, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
dlamb8 - thanks for the warm welcome back, and I’m glad you liked the review. Rhymezone.com is my friend indeed.
Renee - I didn’t know what was worse. As pretty as the heroine supposedly was, I kept seeing Imogen Heap in my mind complete with lilly pads, leaves in her hair, an umbrella and a stuffed toy frog. Made it very difficult to concentrate. I’m glad you liked my prayer!
PS - re: “finger slipped on shift key” *narrows eyes* Uh huh.