“The Blackmail Baby” by Penny Jordan

Before I lay me down to sleep

And lie awake and count them sheep

Something off my chest I must confess!

That has me scratching my head in excess! -

I don’t know what it is with authors and their love of shift-1

Because it realy makes reading their books a lot less fun

Take for example, this latest book

Which had an exclamation mark in almost every nook!

Hard enough a time I had getting over the names of the characters

“Imogen” and “Dracco” sound like the names of the poor children of silly Hollywood actors!

Truly, a little uninspired I was about this latest read

(I totally should have gone out with the girls intead for some mead!)

 

The story begins with the young “Imogen” lass; or “Imo” as Dracco so tenderly calls

Who for Dracco her father’s assistant she did fall!

And when her papa died she found herself at 18 to be wed!

To Dracco himself and nervously anticipated sharing his bed

But enter on her wedding day the heroine’s evil stepmother Lisa

(Who later on in the story settles largely in Ibiza)

Lisa is a vindictive jealous bitch who wants Draco for her own

And so insinuates to Imo that Dracco’s bubblestick she had blown!

She dares Imo to find out if Dracco is in love with a certain miss

And so Imo does just that, almost immediately after their wedding kiss

(Between Dracco and Imo that is, lest you be confused)

And finds out that indeed, Dracco is in love and so Imo’s heart was bruised!

 

 

Imo flees from the church and onto a plane

Straight to Rio never to be heard of again!

 

Until of course four years later when her father’s money becomes accessible to her

And she finds that since their parting, Dracco has been somewhat of an entrepreneur

Doubling, tripling even her father’s fortune and business

But Imo doesn’t care, she still thinks Lisa is his mistress!

Imo’s main goal is to take her share of the money and go

Back to Rio and to the nuns and children she’d known

But Dracco’s all like - You want the money?! I want a son!

And so! The plot! It has begun!

 

 

“This is blackmail!!” Imo cries out in shock -

“I will never forgive you for making me tend to your [s]ock!”

Unfazed by her words, Dracco responds “give me a baby and then you will be free”

But who knew that in fact, Dracco was in love with Imo to an intolerable degree!

For years ago he had confessed his love to Imo’s dad

Saying “good sir! Your daughter I do love and want to wed!”

Imo’s father however charges him with a promise to hold

Not to confess his love until Imo is at least 21 years’ old!

But this to Imo Dracco does not tell!

For he wants her to fall in love with him as well!

 

 

And so he brings Imo to her childhood home

And there in her love nest his fingers try to roam!

But Imo is reluctant and resistant to his charms

Until one night she finds herself lying in his arms!

The morning after she says to him that what they had shared was special indeed

But Dracco dismisses her and off to London “on business” he speeds!

Hurt and confused, Imo takes to the garden to potter

But not before she is confronted by Lisa the plotter!

Who continues to drive more doubts into Imo’s frail (stupid) mind

Until Imo decides to run again and leave Britain behind!

 

 

Thinking Imo’s run away again and now gone for good

Dracco to his liquor cabinet began to root

But lo! He finds that Imo returns (for reasons I cannot recall)

Which is a good thing because then from her solicitor she receives later a social call!

Who tells her the promise made between Dracco and her dear dead papa

And so in Dracco’s arms she finally surrenders her tata(s)

Alls well that ends well as misunderstandings are torn asunder

And Imo and Dracco live happily ever after in a world of shift-1 wonder!

 

 

And so Lord, before I sleep tonight

Give me dreams of dashing men and dream-like flight

Make them Alpha, make them strong

Let them all be wearing thongs

And tomorrow when I wake, may I be happy as a lark

Without, oh please, without seeing any exclamation marks!