Hymen - The Final Frontier
“The Contaxis Baby” by Lynne Graham
So for about an hour and twenty minutes yesterday, I was immersed in a world of jealous Greek billionaires, put-upon Cinderella types and the dreaded attempt at revenge by the hero. I too want to be the focus of some industrialist’s plot for revenge because of my unforgivable sin of bankrupting his family/ screwing with his brother/ accidentally-on-purpose running over his family cat Popples. Because then, at the end, after having done all sorts of demented tricks on me like some twisty pipe cleaner, he will receive an epiphany and find out that I had actually tried to save his family fortune/ his brother is gay and Popples wasn’t actually a real cat but a cybergenic machine made up to look like a real cat that had been implanted there as a spying tool by his enemies.
That’s right. This is what goes on in my head.
Anyway, Lizzie Denton is fortunate enough to be one of those lucky lasses who’s the target of some billionaire’s Kill Bill-esque quest for vengeance. In this case, it’s Sebasten Contaxis, Greece’s No. 1 Eligible Bachelor (at least until the next Lynne Graham book) who blames her for the death of his brother, who died in a car accident after apparently being dumped by Lizzie. Little does Sebasten know that Lizzie had caught his brother working out the mattress with her stepmother and so broken up with him. But because Lizzie can’t reveal the truth, lest it implicate her stepmother, she ends up taking the fall for it – being kicked out on her butt by her dad, jobless and without a place to live. See, I don’t get this kind of self-sacrificial behavior because it’s so too good to be true. I mean, if that were me, I’d be taking out a full page ad in every paper in town, going, “My Horndog Ex Slept With My Step-Mother And They Didn’t Even Bother Changing The Sheets!”
Lizzie meets Sebasten in a club and she’s all impressed with him because he’s gorgeous, all the women are coming on to him like flies and the bouncers/ waiters are tripping all over themselves to serve him, so she thinks he owns the club. He just thinks she looks hot. They go back to his place and after a wild night of hot sex, Mr I Have An Ice Popcicle For A Heart is feeling kind of tender towards his mystery girl. Plus the fact that she got him to sign her never before used V-Card might have something to do with it. As Sebasten acknowledges, he’s this macho billionaire and therefore has this thing for taking on the mantle of The Deflowernator.
As a side point, what is up with the whole wanting to be the one who plucks the flower anyway? Coz it’s just a piece of skin right? Is it one of those, the hero has to go where no man has gone before? I can see the movie tagline now: Hymen – The Final Frontier. But dude, is it really that important to plant your flag on virgin territory? Will any other orifice do? I mean, will some billionaire like the idea of my ears then? Or my right nostril? (Don’t ask about the left one, it’s complicated.)
Anyhoo, after they share a night of hot Greek sex, Sebasten then finds out that Lizzie is the femme fatale who’s responsible for his brother’s death, so he decides to exact revenge on her by making sure that she’s within his power so that he can dump her publicly. This entails him arranging for her to go for an interview at a recruitment firm owned by him (she does not know this) so that they place her with a multi-national company which is also owned by him - as a minimum wage lackey (she also does not know this). And when she has to sell off her things just to afford a place to stay, he makes sure that he controls the people who buy her jewelry and car and that they give her a low price so that she’s destitute. This Sebasten is cruel, ruthless and wields a lot of power. Me likey!
But then, if Sebasten is all convinced that he wants to wreak revenge on Lizzie, how does that explain him trying to take care of her after that? And him being all jealous and possessive of her. Like when they get into an argument and she tells him that she doesn’t want to see him, but he still drives over in his Lamborghini to her dumpy flat, and sees her getting out of the car of this older guy. Then Sebasten goes ballistic and demands to know what’s going on and whether she’s cheating on him and he’s so jealous he can’t see straight, but then has to sheepishly back down when she tells him that the old guy was her father. *sigh* And then Sebasten has to take revenge on Lizzie but he doesn’t question why he’s now so reluctant to hurt her in any way. Like how he tries to give her back her jewelry and car that he’d secretly bought back for her. *sigh* *sigh*
Of course Sebasten eventually realizes the error of his ways and the stupid dumb-ass’s first reaction is to be deliriously happy that the girl of his dreams didn’t actually cause his brother’s death. But Lizzie is not willing to forgive him and the only reason why she speaks to him again is because she gets pregnant. This is not a spoiler, because check out the title of the book. And at first Sebasten is appalled because he’s young and single and gorgeous and rich, so what does he want with a baby? But then he grows to love the idea, except he can’t convince Lizzie of it due to his earlier macho ranting about not wanting to be tied down. And when Lizzie wants to live separately, poor Sebasten is devastated because all he wants is to make a family with Lizzie and his baby girl. Awwwww…..
But in the end of course, everything works out. Why wouldn’t it? You have (1) an uber hawt billionaire totally head over heels for his wife (2) said wife, who will forever after be able to have a hold over her husband because she got him to sign her V card and is now giving birth to their child (3) a very depressed Lola, who desperately wants some wealthy Greek God to come after her for revenge, and will settle for a pair of ears and her right nostril.
Bridget Locke said,
May 26, 2009 @ 12:42 pm
I-yi-yi! Okay, this is why I refuse to read categories. I HATE the overbearing mysoginist “hero” and the idiot heroine. *headdesk*
I like strong characters (male & female), but not uberobnoxious, headdesk-banging, over the top characters who are just so far beyond wrong. And the heroes never grovel in these books. Or, if they do, it sooooooo doesn’t make up for how evil they were all throughout the book until the very last page.
I’ve been reading the Highlander books by Karen Marie Moning and I find it fascinating that to a one EVERY SINGLE HEROINE is a virgin. Every single one. It boggles the mind!
PS. I am now curious about your left nostril. That is your fault, since you mentioned it.
lauren said,
May 26, 2009 @ 11:17 pm
Well I guesss any fo the heros would first say that God no they don’t want any virgins, but it just so happens when they find out that they just had a virgin they show their true pompos colors and are proud to be the only one that could break through her defenses so to speak, and of course along with all the possesivness comes the fact that they don’t have to worry about any former possessers.
I’ve read HPs that have non virgin heroines, and I have to say something was missing in the dynamic, it makes her seem a little less defensless against the hero, and him seem a lot less barbaric and more modern. In other words its a seemingly small thing that really does effect the dynamic of the realationship, at least for these kinds of books, that is.
lauren said,
May 26, 2009 @ 11:19 pm
Oh, by the way I can’t remember why Id idn’t like this book, I think it was before I really appreciated what HQ is.
Bridget Locke said,
June 1, 2009 @ 6:37 am
I can’t post on your most recent blog (cuz you disabled comments…boo!), but that is actually book 1 in the Others series. Just an FYI.
Secondly, I’ve given y’all an award. Yay! http://goodandbadbooks.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-won-some-awards.html
Shela said,
June 2, 2009 @ 2:12 am
Bridget, I’ve been reading a few books from Karen Moning’s Highlander series lately too and I found it funny that all of the heroines are virgins but Lauren’s explanation seems the most probable– Karen wants to use virginity to strengthen the Highlanders’ sense of possession and make them fall deeper in love with the heroines. But I do agree that it’s a bit mind-boggling… and redundant, but it doesn’t make me like Moning any less. Her writing is great!
Shela said,
June 2, 2009 @ 6:35 am
La Lola,
I took in your review this morning and decided to check it out and upon finishing the book, I conclude that I do in fact love a good tear-jerker. I get annoyed by whiny heroines, insensitive bastards who think a “no” is a “yes,” and soap-opera storylines but this wasn’t such a letdown.
I really did cry at some point but I praise LG for not making Lizzie a snobby rich bitch (she was a pretty tough cookie) and Sebasten finally came around in the end (though LG never really elaborated on that, she just said he did). I was a bit annoyed by how LG made every wife/mistress a complete whore though.
Of course now I’ll have to pille on some makeup to conceal my swollen eyes. Bahhh.
Lola said,
June 2, 2009 @ 5:52 pm
Sorry for the late response guys but what’s a girl to do when she was quarantined by Mimi and Sheridan just coz she came back from a trip down to Mexico wearing a Miss Piggy shirt? *shoots dirty look*
Bridget: me and my left nostril, well that’s between me and God only. And thanks for the award! *big hug*
And lauren, you’re totally on point about the virginity thing changing the dynamics of the relationship. Obviously the love for a tiny bit of skin is alive and well in HP heroes.
And glad you liked the book Shela! Welcome to the blog!
Rebecca said,
June 16, 2009 @ 12:29 am
Ladies, I am disturbed. I was given a reading suggestion by someone I work with, and I thought you should know about it. The Sleeping Beauty Chronicles by Anne Rice (as A. N. Roquelaure). I managed to get through the first book, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, and I just don’t know if I can go back for the other two. It is, at best, interesting.
Kudos on the review! I have a special place on my shelf for Lynne Graham, and her men.
Amy said,
June 24, 2009 @ 11:00 am
Hello? Is everyone alright? No posts in a while, and I’m missing my fix!
Shela Tat said,
June 28, 2009 @ 12:02 pm
Yeah, ditto– where are you, ladies? EARTH TO SHERIDAN, LOLA AND MIMI! Please don’t tell me you’ve been swept into the arms of delicious 14th century highlanders and you didn’t even think to bring me with you.
*tear*
Typ0 said,
July 4, 2009 @ 4:56 am
Coming out from the silence because i miss you guys! Where are you?!!
judyboody said,
July 7, 2009 @ 12:12 am
Anyone have any idea what’s going on here? I’ve even posted a question about the site on the Amazon.com romance threads, hoping someone knows why this site has been stagnant for 6 weeks!
La Lola said,
July 9, 2009 @ 10:21 am
Rebecca, I have read the entire Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice, to the disgust of Sheridan and Mimi. And I don’t quite know if it’s the kind of thing we review here on RMB, coz it isn’t romance quite frankly. Unless you consider romance to be between body parts, then you know, Beauty’s vagina falls in love with many, many d*cks. Not to say that I didn’t like the series. Teehee.