Roses are red my love, violets are blue
“My Surrender” by Connie Brockway
You know, after reading the Rose Hunters trilogy by Connie Brockway, I have now but one simple goal in life. To be given yellow roses and a pledge of absolute allegiance for that seems to be the way to win an Alpha Male into my panties. For you see, with a simple rose, I will be able to ask nay, COMMAND that my dark and delicious hero stop playing around, take off his pants, and just take me to task. Preferably with something hard.
This story sees the last sister in the series, Charlotte Nash, wed the dark and oh to sexy for his own good, Mister Andrew “Dand” Ross. Bah. How convenient that there isn’t a fourth super sexy broody hero who gets paired up with a fair maiden named Sheridan Sakura Carlotta. Anyway, the plot starts with Charlotte practically forcing her way into the world of espionage and intrigue; using her status and reputation as an unwed frivolous flirt (who has got half the dandies in London by the balls and down on their knees) to further the cause of Mother England. Enter Dand, who thinks it a horrific idea that a) he thinks the last Nash sister is too sexy for her shirt, skirt, petticoats and pussy cat; b) the last Nash sister is too bold and daring for her own good; c) thanks to his brilliant brain he has deduced that it is up to him to keep the last Nash sister safe; and d) see a).
The plot thickens (as does Dand (hur hur)) when it transpires that the lecherous and somewhat sinister Frenchman St Lyon may be involved in some sort of scheme against the Crown, thus requiring dear Lottie to investigate. Now to do so, Lottie would require a personal invitation from St Lyon to his castle. In order for her to do that, she would need to be a “fallen woman” (as St Lyon won’t touch virgins with his ten-foot pole). Now dear reader, if you are still with me, this therefore means, that Lottie and Dand had but no choice, but to play lovers for a good part of the book, which really made me want to stab myself. Dand is nothing but tender and passionate (when in the public eye so as to put on a good show), and teasing and charming (albeit a bit of a bastard but only because he’s terrified of what Lottie has gotten herself into). When he coaxes Lottie to explore his body so as to become accustomed to it, I sighed longingly while reaching for a bottle of Chianti. Life as a romance reviewer is hard y’all.
According to the “script”, Lottie and Dand were to convince the ton (and therefore by extension, St Lyon) that after an intense and passionate love affair (through which Lottie becomes a woman of ill repute), which would end dramatically, thereby signalling to St Lyon that Tart Lottie is back on the market. Because this is a romance novel (and Connie Brockway seems intent for me to ruin my liver), Dand falls for Lottie and becomes increasingly agitated at the thought of her going to St Lyon and accepting his advances. Somehow or another, Lottie realises the night before she has to go to St Lyon, that she had to rid herself of her physical virginity and seeks out Dand with a rose (apparently the equivalent of the “bat signal”), who comes rushing to her side thinking she had changed her mind or in danger. When he hears that she wishes for him and him alone to transform her into a woman, he rages, begging her not to ruin him, not to send him to another level of hell. When Lottie calls his bluff and threatens to find another able bodied man to do the job, Dand loses it and bids her to call the scheme off. And just when you feel the stirrings of a heart twinge (as you read how Dand goes on his knees to beg her not to make him do this), Connie Brockway shoves you right off the brink as Lottie plucks a rose from her display and throws it on the floor next to Dand, and commands that he spread some of that sweet lovin’ her way. At this, Dand grabs Lottie and carries her off into the bedroom. *Sigh* Just…don’t mind me as I down the remains of this bottle.
While watching Lottie sleep, Dand resolves to find another way to find out St Lyon’s involvement and is determined to convince Lottie of his brilliant scheming. However when he awakens, he realises that she had left at the crack of down to St Lyon’s castle and he goes mad with rage and jealousy; charging after her and then stalking her around the castle with searingly broody hot sexy looks of intensity. I got to say, Charlotte/Lottie isn’t my favourite Nash sister. Her “act” of being the frivolous town flirt honestly resulted in her being a complete caricature of herself and honestly, I think Dand deserved a lot better. You know who Dand deserved? Me. That’s right people. Always good to put things into perspective.
Now all I need to do, is to successfully hunt down the second book in the Rose Hunters trilogy because the fact that I haven’t been able to read them in order is making me supremely uncomfortable. And find a man who will not hesitate to obey my commands at the drop of a rose. *Scrambles to leave a note for Juan* “Dear Juan - Things to do tomorrow - 1) Need more alcohol (please retrieve from wine cellar); 2) Move TBR pile off coffee table and onto floor as creaking sound from table scares me; 3) Buy many many yellow roses and deliver them to every good looking man you see within a 10 mile radius of the RMB headquarters; and 4) Keep fingers and toes crossed for me! XOXO, Sheri”
Jennifer B said,
May 17, 2009 @ 5:08 am
Hmph, I could sure use a “Dand” (or the modern day equivalent) in my life.