Always look both ways before buying an Egg McMuffin
“The Desert Sheikh’s Captive Bride” and “The Greek Tycoon’s Defiant Bride” by Lynne Graham
Lynne Graham, how many hours of enjoyment you have brought me. OK maybe hours is a bit of a stretch since your books are Harlequin and consequently, I have seen thicker pancakes. But you are my new heart twinge quick read guilty pleasure now that Diana Palmer has firmly established herself in that no-mans land— Walker, Texas Ranger territory.
No secret agents or underground drug lords or ex-mercenaries who make their way to the world’s most dangerous small town aka Jacobsville. Instead, you have brought back within my sheltering arms, Mediterranean billionaires, semi-feisty downtrodden heroines, tragic misunderstandings, secret babies and oodles of heart twinge. How I long to reach into your novels and shake the heroes incessantly for being so pig-headed, aggressive and all-round sexy. Truly the hallmark of a great novel.
In “The Desert Sheikh’s Captive Bride”, Prince Rashad is the heir to a glorious golden kingdom, who first meets Tilda when he’s a student at Oxford and she’s a waitress in a bar, forced into servitude by her unscrupulous stepfather. I loved all the flashbacks to their relationship, when you see Rashad helplessly smitten by shy Tilda and trying to woo her. Like when his rich, unscrupulous friend Leonidas Pallis, a Greek billionaire pays for her to go and dance in a cage for him against her will, he’s so appalled and upset by this that he insists on sending her right home in his Ferrari. But through a misunderstanding, Rashad thinks that she’s only after him for his money and the fact that she can become a princess. Would that be so bad if it were true?
Admittedly, this is a pretty stupid misunderstanding because Rashad thinks that if she loved him, she would totally snuggle up with his golden scepter and crown jewels. Hunh. This is a real double standard dude because if she slept with you, then she wouldn’t be worthy to be a princess because how then could they fly the bloody bedsheets from the window? (I know these things.) But if she doesn’t sleep with you, then she doesn’t love you enough? Dude. You’re lucky you’re royal. And I am also wondering whether you bought your way into Oxford.
But anyway then Rashad gets a security dossier informing him that Tilda got jiggy with loads of men and so he dumps her. And years later, when he sees a photo of her in some newspaper again, he’s determined to have his revenge and declares that she must become his mistress, in exchange for this debt that he has over her family.
You know, Rashad is a pretty big idiot. But it’s still fun to read especially when he learns the truth. He and Tilda eventually marry because when he brings her back to his palace, he very high-handedly announces in front of witnesses that she is his woman. Which of course kicks into gear this little-known law of the kingdom, which is that if a member of the royal family announces his possession of a woman in front of witnesses, they have to get married. One would have thought that the royal courtiers in educating the crown prince would have mentioned, “Hey Your Highness, just remember, when you greet Queen E, don’t ask her “how’s it hangin’?” Oh and remember not to stake a claim on any woman in public. Because that won’t fly man.”
So Rashad now has to marry his much despised mistress and on the wedding night, huzzah! No chickens were harmed in the making of this story because no vials of chicken blood need to be used given that Tilda still possesses the Holy Hymen. That’s right. Fly the bedsheets from the flagpole proud! But then Tilda flees the palace and Rashad is hot on her heels, eager to reclaim his wife. I particularly liked the scene where he tells her that they’ve both paid enough after his father’s chief minister fabricated the report, and Tilda goes, “you were fraternizing with supermodels, actresses and socialites. Tell me how you paid.” And then Rashad pales in anguish. I love the whole hero paling thing! Because increasingly, this is done less and less often, which is a mistake, because complexional fade is such an easy way of displaying the hero’s anguish! Thank you for bringing back the hero paling thing Lynne Graham!
And in the second book, we see again Leonidas Pallis, Rashad’s best friend and Greek playboy in his own right. Leonidas had a one-night stand with Maribel, a shy student at Oxford (it’s always the shy ones!) and again, big misunderstanding ensues because Leonidas asks Maribel to go out and buy breakfast, Maribel goes to get the Egg McMuffins, she gets hit by a car and so lands up in hospital, he thinks she ran out on him so he leaves, she thinks he split after enjoying the goods so she hates him. Then of course she gets pregnant, he realizes this after she has the baby, and they have to get married for the baby’s sake. Honestly, why does Maribel have to be the one to go out and buy the breakfast? Just coz she has estrogen? Oh yeah, because he’s a hot, ruthless Greek shipping tycoon. Well. OK then. Just this once yah?
You know, everytime I read these books, I always think that a kid is better off with two parents who aren’t married but love him, than two parents who are married but can’t stand each other. But romance novel kids don’t really need to worry I guess because daddy’s a gorgeous looking Greek Tycoon with golden eyes and black hair, who owns a shipping fleet and gets everywhere by helicopter. And mom’s a feisty academic who for reasons unknown to all of daddy’s supermodel ex-girlfriends and me, manages to snare the attention of daddy.
But you know, even with all the what the? moments, there’s still something very enjoyable and guilty pleasurish about Lynne Graham’s books. I believe I may have found my Diana Palmer replacement! Oh joy!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
March 30, 2009 @ 9:33 pm
Oh to bring back the many dreams I had a a young woman! I think these stories hit the spot because we all have had the guilty pleasure of the daydream of being “forced” into sublime bliss. Um, at least I’d like to think I was not alone in this.
lauren said,
March 30, 2009 @ 10:42 pm
Excuse me while I go yonder and hunt down book number two, for what is better then a heroine getting hit by a car and the hero walking out on her afterwards?
Kodhi said,
March 31, 2009 @ 6:48 pm
Don’t you just love how dim and clueless her heroes are when in love?
And isn’t that just the most ridiculous reason for a big-misunderstanding ever? He thinks she doesn’t care because she left the morning after, not knowing that she was hit by a car, and she thinks he’s an ass because she was in the hospital and he totally didn’t care. And thus they angst for years when a 5 minutes phone call could have cleared up the problem.
Anyho, glad you are enjoying them Lola, but space out the cracks or you might end up getting an aneurysm or whatever over the amount of secret babies and secret pregnancies in her books (Nobody has ever heard of contraceptives, EVER). I know I came close a few times.
lauren said,
March 31, 2009 @ 10:21 pm
I concure, all Presents should be read with a warning that too much at one time can become maddening.
Lola said,
April 1, 2009 @ 11:13 am
“we all have had the guilty pleasure of the daydream of being “forced” into sublime bliss. Um, at least I’d like to think I was not alone in this.” Lola weeps with the relief of knowing that she is not alone in her deviancy.
“what is better then a heroine getting hit by a car and the hero walking out on her afterwards?” I don’t know lauren, I’m kinda holding out on some of the books Kodhi mentioned previously!
It’s true Kodhi, because now I have some kind of ultra HP monster in my head. A little like the rat king they talk about on 30 Rock, where all the rats tangle up into one ball of gross icky ratness, until one king rat triumphs. OK, sure sign I have been reading way too much HP. Got. To. Get. Help.
jessica said,
April 5, 2009 @ 11:32 am
Oh wow must track down her books. need Diana Palmer replacement immediately.