Love song for a vampire
“Eclipse”* by Stephenie Meyer
As told from the tiresome perspective of Bella, to be sung to the classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by the fabulous Bonnie Tyler
Breaking down, every time I think of how you’re
So gorgeous and broody and you just got back to town
Breaking down, I don’t care if everyone’s a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Breaking down, every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that you’ll see I only sit here and cry
Breaking down, every time I look at my skin
So sad I don’t sparkle and then I see the look in your eyes
Breaking down Bright One, I think you’re perfect—
You don’t even fart
Breaking down Bright One, I’m a wannabe
Vampire tart
Breaking down, every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Breaking down, every now and then I have a
Dream of that wolf and to me somebody should do some harm
Breaking down, again and again I get the
Readers very angry and I know they wanna escape and cry
Breaking down, every now and then I wanna
Pet Jacob all over but then I see the look in your eyes
Breaking down, Bright One, I think you’re perfect—
You don’t even fart
Breaking down, Bright One, I’m a wannabe
Vampire tart
CHORUS
Climb into my room tonight
And whisper in my ear, “Bella”
I pray my body you will bite
(I’ll be leeching on forever)
Oh Edward Cullen why won’t you bite
Know you’re scared you’re too fierce a lover
But the sex is hot only if you’re nine
My love, climb on top of me and sparkle and shine
Background: *Sparkle and shine!*
I don’t know what to do, you keep me in the dark
Oh please on my pasty human body won’t you mark
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Lucky for you I’m still so tight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But coz I’m just a vampire tart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time it was you in my life
But now I kinda like Jacob’s bark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
Breaking down Bright One
Breaking down Bright One
Breaking down, every now and then I know
you’ll always be the vamp that Carlyle wanted you to be
Breaking down, so what if no one else gets it,
you’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Breaking down, every now and then I know
there’s no one in the universe as magical and sparkly as you
Breaking down, why can’t I make up my mind
Keep choosing ‘tween you and wolf boy even though it’s so cruel
Breaking down Bright One, I don’t deserve
Your beautiful heart
Breaking down Bright One, secretly I’m
Just an uber sl– *censored*
CHORUS
And Edward kiss me tonight
Wave goodbye to my sweater
And if you’ll only hold me tight
I’ll forsake that furry creature
Who knows why over me men would fight
Maybe my panties are black leather
But the sex is hot only if you’re nine
My love, climb on top of me and sparkle and shine
Background: *Sparkle and shine!*
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
I pray my body you will bite
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But coz I’m just a vampire tart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
I wanna be a vamp but won’t be your wife
Even though you’ve called me your narc
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
Turn around Bright One….
Turn around Bright One!
* La Lola’s Note: “New Moon” will be bypassed because Edward Cullen was missing for about three-quarters of the book. Although I had intended to write a review of “New Moon” focusing on Edward’s unaccounted for absence for several months, detailing how he was actually with me and our numerous exploits, this has been rendered difficult by my laziness.
Julie Bo Boolie said,
January 31, 2009 @ 10:43 pm
I’m team Jacob through and through. Edward is kind of creepifying in a stalker kind of way whereas Jacob is warm and fuzzy and furry.. and knows how to fix things. Plus hello? Alpha leader of the pack! mmmmm
Still he wasn’t the one for Bella… but he IS so yummy in part two of BD.. sigh!
Renee said,
February 1, 2009 @ 3:31 am
That. Was. Awesome.
Yeah, I don’t get the sparkly Edward appeal, however. Though that just leaves Jacob for ME!
Take the Esme out of Renesme ::shudder:: and what do you get? That’s right baby–Renee!
Julie Bo Boolie said,
February 1, 2009 @ 5:11 am
yeah.. I gotta shudder along with you at the Renesme … yick!
Lady L said,
February 1, 2009 @ 8:24 am
Edwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna be a vampire tart too!
LOL I hated this book the and the only one I liked from this series is the fourth one.
Sophie said,
February 1, 2009 @ 10:06 pm
How about sparkly Jasper appeal - or just a general coveting of the Cullens?
I actually froth over them, like the teenage girl I am.
Gwizz said,
February 2, 2009 @ 5:05 am
I am actually wary of this series - there has been so much hype and also angst over it - especially over the last book - is it really worth it even though most fans hate at least one book in the series??
dlamb8 said,
February 2, 2009 @ 6:24 am
best. review. evah!
La Lola said,
February 2, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
JBB, Renee: Team Jacob? You are one of THOSE I see.
Lady L, my favourite was still “Twilight” I must say. It was straightforward and romantic. She’s just an annoying girl, standing in front of a sparkly boy, asking him to love her.
Hiya Sophie, I’m kinda meh about Jasper I think. If I had to choose another vampired other than Edward, it’d probably be Emmett.
Try Twilight Gwizz, and see how it goes! You could always just stop after the first book.
*curtsies at dlamb8” Thanks very much!
Theresa said,
February 3, 2009 @ 1:49 am
That was awesome! I was laughing so hard that my boss asked me if I was okay! Thanks for brightening my Monday.
La Lola said,
February 3, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
Oooh Theresa is your boss hot? Is he a Judith McNaught alpha panther businessman type? Do you have one of those relationships like in Harlequin? Coz if so, your possibilities are endless!