“Eclipse”* by Stephenie Meyer
As told from the tiresome perspective of Bella, to be sung to the classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by the fabulous Bonnie Tyler

Breaking down, every time I think of how you’re
So gorgeous and broody and you just got back to town
Breaking down, I don’t care if everyone’s a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Breaking down, every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that you’ll see I only sit here and cry
Breaking down, every time I look at my skin
So sad I don’t sparkle and then I see the look in your eyes
Breaking down Bright One, I think you’re perfect—
You don’t even fart
Breaking down Bright One, I’m a wannabe
Vampire tart
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“Enticing the Prince” by Patricia Grasso

“Enticing the Prince” by Patricia Grasso is all about the bling, and less about the Romance. At least, that’s what I got out of it. My mind was so filled; nay, consumed by the images of all the fantastical jewelry Katerina creates in the book, that there wasn’t much space to remember (and therefore obsess) about Prince Drako Kazanov. Which is a crying shame I guess cos he’s a stinkin’ rich Prince whose nickname is the Dragon. Then again, said Prince had also commissioned from Katerina a giant gold and diamond dragon pendant (complete with ruby flame) which, kept looking ridiculous in my mind’s eye on a dark haired blue eyed aristocrat. Like seriously. Where would you wear that to your Highness? Are you using it as a mirror to reflect your handsome visage? To look up the skirts of women? Is it to attract the honeys? Are you intending to break out in lyrical rap at some point? Are you going to start a dance crew by the name of “Dragon and the D-Boys?”Do you think it brings out the colour of your eyes? Please advise.

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“Kiss of a Demon King” by Kresley Cole
Dear President Obama,

So I know you’ve got your hands full your first week on the job, what with rescuing the economy, holding onto your blackberry and closing down Guantanamo and all. But as a concerned citizen of the world, I would like to draw your attention to a matter which requires your urgent action. This is the RMB girls’ campaign for you to confer a congressional medal of honour on Kresley Cole for writing the best book so far this year (Yes technically, we are less than a month into the new year, but think big picture Barack!)
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“Heart of Stone” by Diana Palmer
So Sheridan is always asking me why I read Diana Palmer. Maybe it’s because I read and loved some of her 80s classics like “Betrayed by Love” and “The Case of the Mesmerizing Boss” (Don’t ask). When that woman’s on form, she can do heart twinge like there’s no tomorrow. Plus “Lawless” was a pretty recent book and I had so many heart twinges reading it I would have suspected I was getting angina, if not for the fact that I’m like practically 12 (NOT in dog years Mimi! *shoots dirty look*).
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“Enslaved” by Jaid Black

Well. *taps index finger on chin* What can I say. I must be giving Stockholm Syndrome a whole different meaning because I thought “Enslaved” was actually pretty good. Possibly because the birthing process wasn’t so horrific this time around, and there was barely a mention of an egg (though the word “hatch” was used). Yes so what if you know, there’s inappropriate touching of inappropriate places and decidedly inappropriate times? (I do believe bringing somebody to climax while on a battlefield is such an instance but hey, what do I know right?) Kil is by far, my favourite warrior in Jaid Black’s intergalatic world of erotica and inappropriate behaviour. So. Join me, gentle reader! Again! You and I will explore, a whole new world (don’t you dare close your eyes), a hundred thousand things to see. So hold your breath, it gets better. I think.

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“Like No Other Lover” by Julie Anne Long
So let’s say you manage to find yourself a time-machine, and hop your way back to the 19th century. And you’re invited to a week-long house party in the country! You would do well to follow the example of Miss Cynthia Brightly, presently impoverished, formerly the toast of the ton, and see what that brings you. So here are La Lola’s “10 rules for behaving at a weekend houseparty.”
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“To the Limit” by Cindy Gerard

This is a story about a girl named Eve

Who herself thought to deceive

That she wasn’t still in love with her deflowerer McClain

McClain the bastard who plucked her cherry and never called again

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“Tempted by the Night” by Elizabeth Boyle
So if you’re planning on reading “Tempted by the Night” by Elizabeth Boyle, be ready to suspend your belief and sense of reason because girls, does this book have some real “what the?” moments.
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“Dark Prince” by Christine Feehan

 ”Once upon a time, there lived a man named Mikhail Dubrinsky . Except, he was not really a man, but a vampire; a lonely, broody, aristocratic, colour blind vampire, who was slowly but surely descending into beastial madness as he had been unable for hundreds of years, to find a mate,” whispered Sheridan, as lightning crashed through her candlelit office, illuminating the features of Lola and Mimi who had gathered in Sheridan’s office with a tubs of popcorn for the RMB girl’s monthly spook night jamboree (seriously, we’ll take just about any excuse for a party). Her hair piled up high above her head like two sugar dusted rolls ala Gary Oldman in Francis Ford Copplola’s ”Braham Stoker’s Dracula” and dressed in a little velvet capelet, Sheridan had gathered the girls to discuss the first book in Christine Feehan’s very popular “Dark Series”.

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“His Mistress by Morning” by Elizabeth Boyle

What would you do if you had a magic ring that granted one wish? Well, Lola would probably wish for Edward Cullen rubbing me down with baby oil as I snacked on a plate of nachos. But for those of us who don’t have such simple dreams, you might be like Charlotte Wilmont, and aim for the stars.
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