Santa-baby, so hurry down my chimney tonight
Dear Santa,
As you already know, I have been a very good girl this year. I have (largely) refrained from making as many snarky comments as I would normally have (thinking it doesn’t count though right??), and have tried to use my time as wisely as possible to the benefit of others. Why, just the other day I removed a piece of lint that found its way to the back of Lola’s black tweed Chanel jacket. I have been nothing but a paragon of good deeds and virtuous behaviour (largely because you have yet to send to me an Alpha Male of my own but let us not point fingers during this time of Jesus’s birth). Let us forgive, forget, and hug it out. Please find enclosed therefore a $10 bill (to sweeten the deal), my secret cookie recipe for triple chocolate cookies (please send my regards to the Missus!) and my list of things that I expect to find under my tree come Christmas morning.
Top 5 things Sheridan Sakura Carlotta wants to find under her tree come Christmas morning:
(1) Edward Cullen. In all his naked sparkly glory. As you know dear Santa, I am attracted to all things that glitter, even though it is not all gold. Imagine to my surprise that Edward glitters like hott fairy moondust sprinkled with a generous dose of FABULOUS. How well he would accessorise me as we romped together in the spring sunshine. I would endeavour to kiss each sparkly fleck and you must know Santa, that once I put my mind to something, there my mouth and tongue will follow. Because I read whatever few chapters ”Midnight Sun” I managed to find online and…well. KILL ME NOW. Seriously. Please. Because reading those few chapters from Edward’s perspective made me want wrap myself in tin foil (shiny side up) and stand in an open field with a metal baseball bat as a lightning storm looms in response to the terrible injustice done against me (largely being the fact that the entire Twilight series is not a biography of my life as Edward Cullen’s personal type of heroin). Also, please note that though Robert Pattinson’s intense stare did frighten me at some points during the movie (is it just me or is one of his eyes bigger than the other), I wouldn’t mind it at all, if Edward looked exactly like, and sound like Robert because I find the fact that Rob is musically inclined intensely attractive. I want to jingle Edward Cullen’s bells!
(2) The perfect pair of non-bone crushing/blister inducing yet gorgeous-beyond-words “come f*ck me now! (only Alphas need apply)” heels that I don’t need to break in, or have my bones of my feet broken in for. Yeah. You would think that all the money I have spent on shoes would have found me a pair of those by now. So Santa, if you could perhaps have one of your elves make them, that would be great. Shoe size 7 please! Thanks! Because I am confident that these shoes are the key to bringing all the boys to my yard (having sadly no milkshakes to share). Plus, think of all the fun I will have (with items (1), (3) and (5) in my heels!).
(3) A Changeling warrior. Naked. Santa of all the Changeling warriors we have featured (and have yet to feature due to our busy schedules), I am most enchanted by Clay. It is true. But then I find my thoughts straying to Lucas and then, Zach. So Santa I am leaving it up to you. Surprise me with a kitty kat of my very own! Let him be big and hard. The biggest and hardest and most perfect specimen of a man you and I have ever seen, possessive as hell, dangerous, drop dead gorgeous and eager to throw me onto his back while spiriting me away to his tree house. Just think of all the adorable leopard cubs you will be visiting next Christmas! Aww!
(5) Oprah’s credit card. In these hard economic times, it’ll be good to have a ready access to a bajillion dollars. Seriously. Think of all that I could do with the money and unlimited credit? I will finally be able to fulfil my life long dream of challenging Victoria Beckham to a Birkin bag face-off, hire P.Is to stalk my favourite actors thereby finding out their personal dwellings and bribe my way into their beds, purchase unlimited number of books (without ever worrying about creasing the spine or getting water on them and thus, incurring the wrath of pale scary lady), show the annoying brats on “My Super Sweet Sixteen” how it’s really done, buy the house next to George Clooney and a pair of super powered x-ray vision googles, buy up every single Romance publishing houses and Little Brown, install myself as The Editor Supremo, and have my favourite books rewritten (featuring myself as the heroine of course!).
(4) Daniel Craig. In all his naked muscular-ness. Oh alright, you may let him keep his tie if that offends your genteel sensibilities (and if you find it disconcerting to ride in an open sleigh with two naked men, one more glittery than the other). And his arm-sling (for I will need his arm to be in the best possible condition for all the various activities we shall be engaging in). Having watched Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace and a particular scene in a certain movie involving two rather squeeze-a-licious buns, I can safely say that I now know Daniel’s soul. He is the stuffing to my turkey.
So Santa, I urge you to please consider my demands this year. Honestly Santa, you must know that I can jingle and rock like the best of them and so, I will be waiting in my bedroom come Christmas morning, with tinsel. And maybe a Santa hat.
Filled with the spirit of Christmas lovin’ and eager the share it with (1), (3) and (5),
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta
PS: Before you say no, I urge you to recall when was the last time you saw Rudolph.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
December 23, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
(ATTACK OF THE SPAMBOTS RESULTED IN COMMENTS BEING DELETED. Deepest apologies from the RMB girls):
Dulce: Thanks for the sexy visual of Daniel Craig au natural donning a tie, which would probably be designed by Tom Ford. He is no longer sporting the arm sling. Unless you want him to use it for kinky reasons.
I would love to get Oprah’s credit card, also. That would so furnish my trip around Europe and Asia and I can hook up with the Craig and Takeshi Kaneshiro (the most gorgeous/talented Asian man I have ever laid eyes on). Happy Holidays everyone!
Sheridan: No problem Dulce! There’s plenty more where that came from. Perhaps one of him in his sunglasses only? Rrrwwoar! Happy holidays!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
December 23, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
(ATTACK OF THE SPAMBOTS RESULTED IN COMMENTS BEING DELETED. Deepest apologies from the RMB girls):
jessica: DId you steal my wish list? Well, really Daniel Craig (YUM!) and Oprah’s credit card. I already have the f*ck me shoes and you can keep Edward Cullen.
Sheridan: I’m excited beyond reason that you are giving Edward Cullen up. Edward!! Happy holidays jessica!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
December 23, 2008 @ 12:22 pm
(ATTACK OF THE SPAMBOTS RESULTED IN COMMENTS BEING DELETED. Deepest apologies from the RMB girls):
Dulce: I thought I was the only one, who Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson does nothing for. BTW, Sheridan the tie can come in tres handy, if you catch my drift.
Seasons Greetings to all! 
Sheridan: Dulce you have a dirty mind and I like it!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
December 23, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
(ATTACK OF THE SPAMBOTS RESULTED IN COMMENTS BEING DELETED. Deepest apologies from the RMB girls):
jessica: Sheridan my shoes aren’t stilletos per se-they have a chunky heel but really sexy.
Merry Christmas.
Sheridan: Hola jessica! Well, “come f*ck me” shoes do not discriminate between the chunky heel or the stiletto. Now I know why I can’t find a decent pair! They’ve all been snapped up by you lot! Merry Christmas!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
December 23, 2008 @ 12:26 pm
(ATTACK OF THE SPAMBOTS RESULTED IN COMMENTS BEING DELETED. Deepest apologies from the RMB girls):
jenny: I too have those f*ck me shoes ;))) made by myself with old stilettos ( it’s all about accessory i’m telling y’all) still missing oprah’s bank account and the f*ck me perfume ( contemporary love potion my dears)
PS: Merry Xmas to y’all at RMB!
Sheridan: Thanks jenny! Huh. Looks like everybody wants a piece of Oprah’s bank account. Well it’s a good thing there’s probably more than enough to go around. A very merry christmas to you too!