She works hard for the money
“Overtime, Under Him” by by N. J. Walters, Susie Charles, and Jan Springer
With a title like “Overtime, Under Him,” tell me, how could I resist picking up this book? Sure, I was hoping for more of a conventional CEO-type thing, but hey, if it’s published by Ellora’s Cave, the nookie should be good right?
Yes and no. Yes, the nookie was scorch up the sheets hawt, but there were lots of moments when I exclaimed in my most genteel tone, “F*ck a duck!” Read on chickies, read on.
In “Unmasking Kelly,” Kelly Allen is a waitress, and has the major hots for her bar-owner boss Liam. Kelly is a big girl (size 16) and very self-conscious about it. So when Halloween comes, what better excuse to finally have that fling with Liam, while still being in disguise?
OK first, I can tell you that the idea doesn’t work for one major reason. Kelly is a buxom girl who’s six feet tall and with breasts the size of monster truck hubcaps. You cannot tell me that there’s more than one of these Amazons running around. Just because you slap on a mask, does not mean that you instantly become unrecognizable! Again, remember the monster truck hubcap breasts!
So when Kelly walks in as a saloon girl, first off, I cringe when Liam sidles over to her at the bar and coos “hello Mystery Lady.” Puhlease. How oily is that? If someone greets me as “Mystery Lady,” what I want to know is whether he’s 20 and still living in a dorm. And when he goes all macho on Kelly and asks her to take off her panties in the bathroom and pass them to him, she bashfully acquiesces. And then she very hastily passes them over the bar counter to him. Where he takes them and sniffs them. At the bar counter!! This guy is serving drinks to well-paying customers! He has no call to be taking women’s underwear, breathing it in like it’s air freshener, and then serving drinks! Unless you tell me that he was wearing a glove on one hand (maybe he was dressed as Michael Jackson) and holding the undies in the other. Shouldn’t a health inspector be coming along to check on these things? Is it possible to pick up some very icky germs when a man who is handling my beverage had not 5 seconds ago, been poking his nose into someone else’s underwear?
Also, why has nobody noticed Kelly handing over her panties to Liam? I mean, I doubt that her underwear is a wispy bit of cloth. Not that I’m saying it’s a parachute or that it can be used as a tent to shelter a Pakistani village (and all their goats) or anything, but surely SOMEONE must have noticed her handing her underwear over.
And then when the bar clears out (oh pitiful patrons, what you didn’t know about your drinks tonight!) Kelly and Liam get jiggy with it on the pool table. But not before Kelly uses a cue stick as a pole to dance around. Again, this place is possibly the most unsanitized Ebola-virus carrying plague of death in the world. But I suppose I should consider it lucky that Kelly only uses the cue stick to pole dance around. Because you know, for a moment there when she reached for the cue stick, I thought she was going to stick that somewhere and become a kinky popsicle.
After their adventures in pool-table love, Liam goes to the bathroom to wash up. (Yes, NOW you wash your hands Liam.) And Kelly gets cold feet, and decides to run for it before he gets back. Obviously, Kelly is not from Kenya, because she don’t run so good. Liam has time to (a) go to the bathroom (b) take a whizz (c) shake off Mr Bojangles (d) hopefully, please God, wash his hands (e) run across the bar to slam the door shut before Kelly can leave. Again, how slow does this woman run?!? They could possibly have fixed the hole in the ozone layer in the amount of time it took for Kelly to run to the door.
And then Liam admits, “I knew it was you all the time Mystery Lady.” To which Kelly goes, “You knew it was me and you slept with me anyway?” To which Lola goes, “You knew it was her and you still called her “Mystery Lady”??” And then Kelly professes love for him and he admits that he loves her too. When did THAT happen? In the amount of time it took for Liam to walk to the loo, he got shot in the butt by Cupid? How far away is this toilet anyway? Maybe it’s in Kenya.
OK, now the second story, “Velvet Strokes” was a lot better. Tom Danville is this Brit aristocrat who also paints nudes of his muse, Elizabeth. Elizabeth feels inferior because she’s a barmaid and thinks that Tom is ashamed to introduce her to his family. Tom on the other hand is wrapped up in his own crayola world, and so doesn’t realize what’s bugging her. They break up and 2 years later, Tom comes looking for Elizabeth again to act as his muse once more.
I think this story worked a whole lot better because Tom and Elizabeth actually had history. And when Tom realizes how he’s hurt Lizzy in the past, he feels really bad about it and resolves to change.
There was a weird scene though, where Tom’s cousin comes along and Tom needs him to pose with Lizzy for a nude portrait and the cousin is determined to make Tom jealous so he has sex with Lizzy in front of Tom. Menage seems to be the new thing in the playground nowadays, but this one totally caught me off-guard. What’s wrong with maybe sending Lizzy some flowers or sniffing her hair or something to make Tom jealous? I guess the cousin had to do the whole big gesture thing. *shrug* But except for the whole cousinly love thing, I quite liked this story. Especially the part where Tom snaps his pencil in half in rage.
And saving the weirdest one for last, is “Edible Delights.” Allie used to be the assistant to Max and Nick, 2 hotties who own an erotic apparel company. But they weren’t supportive of her when she wanted to design her own brand of edible lingerie, so she struck out on her own.
Now Allie’s back and Max and Nick want both her designs and Allie back in the sack. Three is definitely not a crowd with this bunch, because they get up to a whole bunch of shenanigans in a swingers’ club, which I didn’t find sexy AT ALL. In fact, it was kinda gross! I would only go in there wearing a hazmat suit ok, so getting jiggy with it on furniture and beds in a swingers’ club seems about as hygienic as cleaning out the toilet with your tootbrush.
Max is really a hyper-sexed up guy, which is pretty evident by the fact that when a collection of Allie’s edible undies arrive on his desk, he sits in his office eating the bra. Yes. He eats the cup. *blinks* What happened to a good old alpha male who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing women’s lingerie, much less eating it. I mean, if Allie was wearing the bra and he eats it off her, fine. I get that. But he was totally just sitting at his desk, munching on it like it was a Scooby snack! In Lola’s book, that’s weirdass dude.
And when Allie meets up with Max and Nick and they carry on “negotiations” in the swingers’ club? Lots of innuendo is traded and they try to come to terms. And when both guys get up from the table to get to the action, it is revealed that they are wearing tuxedo jackets, shirts and ties, AND COMPLETELY BUTT-NAKED BELOW. They’re not wearing boxers or anything. I think this is supposed to be sexy but really, all it does is make me laugh my ass off. Because you know, how dumb would they look?! Also, what crackpot business school did you guys attend that you think this is the way to conduct business negotiations?!
So, “Overtime, Under Him” lured me in with a great title, a pretty good second story (before it took a detour into Weirdsville), and 2 really off ones. *sad sniffle* I hope my luck is about to change soon.
Alexandra said,
October 23, 2008 @ 10:03 am
HAHAHA! I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this! I definitely won’t be reading this book and I’m sorry you had to, but it definitely adds to the entertainment factor of this site! I’m not really into threesomes in my romance readings or unhygienic practices (can’t get over the sniffing panties while serving drinks!). Hope your next read is a good one! I am rereading one of my favorite Judith McNaught’s, specifically Perfect. I love me some Zack!!! ;D
Lady of the Review said,
October 23, 2008 @ 2:11 pm
Ah…erotica. *sigh* I find erotica goes one of two ways: really, really good or downright hysterical.
I’ve come to the conclusion that most erotica authors forget that their readers are both smart and literate. LOL!
I recommend Lacey Alexander for the smokin’ hot. Sometimes her stuff can go both extreme and ridiculous, but I enjoy her.
I also like Mari Carr. I’ve only read one of her stories, but it was truly smoking.
Ellora’s Cave is okay, but I actually prefer Samhain and Liquid Silver.
Oh and Madison Hayes wrote an interesting Calendar Girl series. Plus-sized heroines and the dominant Alpha heroes who love them. *sigh*
Gummy Bear said,
October 23, 2008 @ 2:45 pm
*LOL!!* i swear, i wouldn’t be able to get thru the day without RMB! (husband hears me cackling away by myself in other room.. sticks his face in the doorway and i look over innocently… “it’s just Ripmybodice!!”). Yeah, EC can be a total gamble.. the short stories that i bought as ebooks that aren’t available in print.. not so great at all.
i like it better when i have amazon reviews or even better, RMB reviews!
La Lola said,
October 23, 2008 @ 8:52 pm
Oh Alexandra, I’m really thinking I need to be in a bubble bath with Zach to wash all this away. We can totally play “pop the bubbles!”
Hmmm… Mari Carr eh, LOTR? What was the book about? I don’t say no to erotica, but I like it if the books have an equal romance of love and sex. Because if not, I’d just head straight for the p*rn (So censored in a valiant attempt to avoid spambots)
Awww… glad you liked the review Gummy! Always count on us for reviews my friend. Always. Sometimes I find that Amazon steers you wrong! Because this book got 4 stars!
Tracy said,
October 24, 2008 @ 1:38 am
Ok I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a damn long time. You’re review of Unmasking Kelly had me holding my sides it was so funny.
cutepolishgirl68 said,
October 24, 2008 @ 2:23 am
“..munching on it like it was a Scooby snack!” RUH ROH- I just spewed out my water… As for the other underwear, I have never handed my panties over to some guy in a crowded bar, only under the table at the restaurant- HAHAHAHA!
Jasmine Haynes is a good erotica author as is Kate Pearce and some of Sharon Page ’s books. But it does seem that the whole extra person scenario is played out way too much. That’s why I really like Lisa Marie Rice, Sarah McCarty, and Shannon McKenna - all are one M/F believable stories with smokin’ Hawt sex. The guys all have heft and the girls are ones that you wouldn’t be calling Be-atch when her back is turned.
jessica said,
October 24, 2008 @ 3:43 am
I have never read erotic stories before, and based on this I don’t think I will anytime in the future. I’m just sorry you had to read this. But on another note, does anyone else want to take a bath in Lysol to get rid of those germs from the bar and swingers club? *Shudders*
Gwizz said,
October 24, 2008 @ 6:16 am
eeep! so sorry you read this blooper of a book, all of the stories seemed icky. I am personally holding out for the next Kresley cole book, Feb ‘09 is SOOOO far away..
Lauren said,
October 24, 2008 @ 10:23 am
Off topic, I just wanted to thank you for recomending Heart Full of Mircles, I am reading it and well, it was eveything you said it would be! Is it odd that I love that the heroine has a life threatening tumor.
La Lola said,
October 24, 2008 @ 6:38 pm
Arigato for your kind words Tracy. Just remember, if you split your side laughing, don’t send us the bill!
“does anyone else want to take a bath in Lysol to get rid of those germs from the bar and swingers club? *Shudders*” Yeah, you and me both Jessica!
Oh please Gwizz, do not mention KC! Sheridan has been pacing around every so often, and hollering, “I want a kiss from a demon king!!” It’s not been pretty I assure you.
Glad you liked it Lauren! And not odd at all, provided there’s a happy ending which, happily, there is!
CPG, too much information! Lisa Marie Rice and Shannon McK are awesome. I did read a review of Mac’s Law by Sarach McCarthy that sounds pretty good! Might give that a try. Has anyone read it?
Jen said,
October 27, 2008 @ 9:35 am
I laughed so hard reading this I’m sure my sister heard me way over there in Washington. Also, (and this probably makes me one sick person) but I want just as much to read the bad books as the good. Thank you and thank you again for your amazing site.
What a gift to the world. Ahh
Jen
La Lola said,
October 27, 2008 @ 10:55 am
*hi5* Jen and we’re so happy you love our little blog! The little blog that keeps on snarkin’, that’s us. Usually only Mimi’s um, chest, is recognised as a gift to the world, so it’s very nice that Sheridan and I are included for once! Stop by more often!
Lady L said,
October 31, 2008 @ 9:20 am
I read this post yesterday I think and let me tell ya, I obviously find it hillarious, what disturbes me is that I keep gigglin’ at odd moments each time I remember the part about guys not wearing any bottoms only tops of a tuxedo WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! what sort of brain thinks this stuff up??????????? is it a mixture of maybe drugs that brings this sort of thoughts to a human brain?????????????
Or maybe at the end of it there should be like a big page with bold letters that says “you’ve been punked!” cause seriously wearing only pants and a bow tie like the guys from chipendale’s is hoooooooot but who thought that only tops and no bottoms was sexy? a disturbed mind I tell you!!!!!
Lady L said,
October 31, 2008 @ 9:26 am
Oh I forgot and what about sitting butt naked in chairs used by swinger’s club, that sure as hell isn’t sanitary or remotely smart.
La Lola said,
October 31, 2008 @ 9:50 am
“I obviously find it hillarious, what disturbes me is that I keep gigglin’ at odd moments each time I remember the part about guys not wearing any bottoms only tops of a tuxedo”
I know, me too! At first I blinked at the page a couple of times because I wasn’t sure if I’d read it correctly. But sadly for me, it was indeed so. I mean, I know they weren’t wearing pants to cut down time to get to the good stuff, but that was pretty damn ridiculous.
Chanel19 said,
December 14, 2008 @ 5:50 am
But maybe it was a semi-formal event.
OK< I’ll show myself out.