How Will I Know If He Really Loves Me?
In case you’ve missed the signs before: A RipMyBodice guide on “Seizing The Moment”
1. If a mysterious group of hott alpha males move in to the mansion next door, and unexpected sightings of wild leopards/ cougars/ cheetahs/ panthers/ zebras (ok maybe you might want to skip the zebras) are reported in your neighborhood, do not call animal control. The chances of all of them being shape-shifting warriors, with one of them becoming your alpha lover are quite high. He is the one for you.
2. If you suddenly find yourself the victim of a stalker, fear not for your life but rejoice for God has blessed you richly. Go down to the nearest police station and file a report with the gorgeous, broody, dark and emotionally unavailable Detective (who really has recently retired as an undercover agent for the government) with whom you have much sexual tension with and you may find yourself being cuffed to his bed as he exorcises his dark past in ways that will make you squeal. He is the one for you.
3. If you suddenly find yourself the victim of a stalker, and you actually know a law enforcement officer (the definition of such to include navy SEALs (hot damn girl!), mercenaries, FBI agents, MI6 agents, criminal profilers (Hotch! Call me!!), a super secret black ops agent) because he is/was either your neighbour, the neighbour of your brother, your brother’s best friend, your best friend’s brother, etc., be sure to not so secretly let him know that your life is in danger and everything else will fall into place. He is the one for you.
4. If you have been engaged by a gorgeous and extremely busy billionaire to organize his mother’s surprise birthday party, do not let on that his mother is the biggest bitch since the dawn of evolution and that you’d sooner pierce your right nipple with a paper clip than celebrate the birth of that old bat. Instead, coo that she’s the mother you never had (which is true, because your mother was never the reincarnate of Lizzie Borden) so that he’ll be overwhelmed with your kind-hearted nature. He is the one for you.
5. If you find yourself overtly attracted to shiny baubles (and let’s face it, who isn’t) to the point where you are unable to tear your eyes away from the sight of that emerald cut diamond engagement ring that is winking at you from its little glass case at Harry Winston even in the case of an impending nuclear attack and you suddenly find yourself empowered with super strength and the grandniece of a loopy bat-shit crazy person, AND you find yourself oddly attracted to the gruff, growly, rich, immortal mysterious and built stranger who has been tasked to protect you, ignore the horns on his head or his claw-like fingers. Do not be alarmed, and do not run away in fear of the world you now know as The Lore. He is the one for you.
6. If you find yourself suddenly overcome with an adventurous and flirtatious spirit while sitting alone yet again in your local pub on a Friday night and are thinking of winking/flirting with the handsome strange who is staring hungrily at you, do it. Inevitably he will be the latest maverick employee/boss at your firm (and a billionaire at that) and he will spend the entire time pursuing you and convincing you that an office romance can work, to the utter dismay of that bitch of a colleague who thinks she’s The Hottest Thing Ever. He may also find new ways of “working” on your desk. He is the one for you.
7. If you are lured to the home of the reclusive billionaire who lives up on the hill and never ventures out into sunlight, do not believe his tale that he has photophobia. Upon discovery that he is actually a vampire, get down on your knees and give thanks that God has seen fit to send a vampire your way. Also try to ignore the fact that you faint at the sight of blood. And give up your favourite pepperoni garlic sausage. Bare your neck and your bosom to the mysterious, pale stranger who needs to discover the wonders of Benefit’s Jiffy-tan. He is the one for you.
8. If you are reclining in your plush seat in first class (only the best baby, only the best) and a mysterious and tired looking hottie is seated in the aisle across for you, go in quick for the kill. Do not, under any circumstances, allow the air stewardess to get her claws into him. Instead, wait for a bout of turbulence, stand up, and fall gracefully into his lap. As you gaze into his eyes, do not let on that you’re aware he owns 30% of Boeing. Instead, snuggle deeper into his lap and rub up against his Boeing, thereby demonstrating that you’d be a great way to fly. (Entrance into mile-high club optional but highly recommended). He is the one for you.
9. If you find yourself sitting mournfully at a pub in Scotland with your LV trunks stacked behind you, because your hotel lost your reservations thereby ruining your schedule to go look for Nessie as early as possible and you see a man sitting in the corner who looks vaguely like Gerard Butler, wait until the light catches half his face (to verify his identity). Once verification is complete and a small animal has been sacrificed to God for your amazing stroke of luck, commence building a fort of some sorts with all your trunks, around yourself and Gerard and proceed to have your way with him; dedicating each “way” to each of the fallen men from his movie 300. He is the one for you.
10. If you are working for an advertising agency and are assigned a football/ hockey team as your biggest clients, claim to know nothing about football/ hockey. Your chances of getting into an antagonistic relationship with the quarterback/ captain are extremely high, and words (and clothing) will most assuredly fly. Argue with him over his devotion to his sport and his feelings for you, which will most likely result in a climatic sporting event and/or proclamation of his love for you. Look forward to your face being flashed on the Jumbo-tron at frequent intervals. He is the one for you.
Alexandra said,
October 5, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
Oh if only I could be so lucky! All the men I run into are scrawny and poor! I’m still looking for my Alpha male and won’t settle for anything less, which is probably why I am still single!
Alice said,
October 5, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
Hilarious! But what happens if I run into rich stalking/murderous psychos or poor sweet, but ultimately useless weakling? Is there no one for me?!?!!! >_<
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
October 5, 2008 @ 9:21 pm
["I'm still looking for my Alpha male and won't settle for anything less"] - Hear hear Alexandra! It’s Alpha or nothing at all! Hopefully the helpful guide above will assist you in determining whether or not he’s the Alpha for you when the time ccomes!
Alice, between a “rich stalking/ murderous psycho” and a “poor sweet but ultimately useless weakling” , we’d say go for the former. At least you’ll be able to pay for self defense classes!
jessica said,
October 6, 2008 @ 6:00 am
Where can I find these wonderful Alphas? (SEALs, MI6 especially). I haven’t had any luck so far. Maybe I should move? But where oh where are these wonderful Alpha males hiding? I must find out…
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
October 6, 2008 @ 9:52 am
Again Jessica, we have no earthly idea where all of them are hiding. Under a manly rock? In Aladdin’s cave? But the search continues!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
October 6, 2008 @ 10:16 am
Who needs Jiffy-tan? I’m Irish and Polish so never having a tan is my world. Oh sweet deliciously vanilla-esque vampire please come my way *blink blink demurely*…as long as the sex is not strictly vanilla, I can handle the lack of melanin in your skin tone!
Lady of the Review said,
October 6, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
Oh, man! I actually snorted while reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! he-he
And I still haven’t found my strong, sexy, yet sweet Alpha man yet. I think it’s because I’m too tall and for the most part, “real” men are just too stinkin’ short. *sigh*
I’m adding this site to my blogroll. After reading this, how coud I not?
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
October 6, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
CPG wouldn’t you rather a honey chocolate-esque alpha male with a six pac that looks like he’s smuggling Yorkies (the chocolate, not the dog) under his skin? I’m not big with the pale look. I wonder if that means I’ve karmically ruined my chances with a vampire for the rest of my life. *ponders*
Welcome to our site Lady of the Review! Aww thanks for adding us to your blogroll. And don’t you worry. your Yao Ming sized hunka hunka burnin’ flamin’ alpha love is just around the corner! (When he rounds that corner, make sure you find out if he has a brother. Or brothers. Or cousins. Or friends. Then you come back here and introduce them to us.)
cutepolishgirl68 said,
October 6, 2008 @ 8:15 pm
SSC- I may prefer a hint of color in the skin (ask my Rico Suave) but I NEED a man that growls if any other male approaches me! I NEED a man that does not look at the cute waitress trying to get his attention! I NEED a fit man that takes pride in showing off his body to me and only me! IF I can get those things, I’m just saying his paleness would be not so relevant. *sigh*
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
October 6, 2008 @ 8:36 pm
I have finally picked up (and started reading) Nalini Singh and I agree with all your needs. Every woman needs a growly man of her own to cuddle, preen and mark her possessively. I’m sure the growliness can be trained CPG! He may not notice when another male approaches you (let’s face it, men don’t really have any sense of awareness whatsoever), but if you train him real good (hypnosis is another option), you can sorta make it such that when you snap your fingers, he’ll growl. On cue. No?
Lady L said,
October 12, 2008 @ 6:02 am
I just thought of something, you girls should do one of these for men aka heroes, to show them the way toward their HEA, I would really like to read that one, since I liked this one sooooo much.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
October 13, 2008 @ 8:45 am
Way ahead of you Lady L! Check out one of our more vintage countdown lists: http://www.ripmybodice.com/2007/04/24/she-is-the-one-for-you/ . But have no fear, we will be revising our list (to keep up with the changing times) soon. Glad you liked our post!
Lady L said,
October 14, 2008 @ 1:40 am
Nice Sheridan, thanks so much you rock, soooooooooooo funny, number tenth was James!!!!!
Yay, more “she is the one for you” moments lol, I’ll be waiting for them.
jenny said,
November 4, 2008 @ 11:32 pm
is the seven feet Alpha male coming from outter space to make you his mate for life counting??? since i’ve read the trek mi Q’an series by Jaid Black I’m still looking desperately at the stars waiting for him to come and kidnap me *saving money to buy a telescope*
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
November 5, 2008 @ 9:00 am
Fwah! What is this mi Q’an series??! Tell me more!
jenny said,
November 13, 2008 @ 9:59 pm
sorry i’ve kept you waiting! the trek mi q’an series is about four brothers all of them kings ( not of countries but planets!!!) who are looking for their mates. overall I loved the four first books but (there is always a but!) there are some scenes that are just bleh (they seem necessary since it’s an ellora’s cave book) it’s just special you have to read it to catch what i’m trying to say. I have the first book in ebook format do you want me to send it to you (if it’s not illegal of course!)?
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
November 14, 2008 @ 8:48 am
WOWEE! Yes please!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
November 15, 2008 @ 6:29 pm
[spambots ate your comment. thousand apologies *bows*]
Jenny: check it out at ladies@ripmybodice.com
Warning! You’d better open a window or drink cold cold chocolate martini while reading it ’cause the story is REALLY steamy
Sheridan - Got it!! You’re the best! (and thanks for that handy tip)