Come together, right now, over me
“In Bed With The Devil” by Lorraine Heath
Dear Oprah,
We hope this letter finds you well. We note our last few letters to you went unanswered but that’s okay. We’re sure you’ve been really busy with all the good things that you do both in the USA and in Africa. We understand that. We get that. Because like you, we too have been busy with our weekly manwich parties, our poolside massage days, and really, oiling up a Cabana boy takes up a lot more time than one would expect. Such is the life of an alpha female eh? This time, we write to you with regard to Lorraine Heath’s “In Bed With The Devil” and beseech you to include it in your next Oprah’s Book Club. We think you would love it, and would fit well with all the books which you have since featured in your book club list. Really dahling, Pearl S Buck has got nothing on this book and unlike that episode, let’s call it A Million Little Oopsies, you won’t have to worry with this book about one bit of fact checking.
Because surely it must be a true story that a street urchin who runs around in a gang of thieves, would be taken into the home of a duke as his long-lost grandson. And that the street urchin subsequently grows up to be a devilishly handsome earl who remains on the fringes of society. You identify with that don’t you Oprah? Because you’re always looking for inspirational stories. Well, Lucian Langdon pulls himself up by his bootstraps even though society views him with suspicion. And his well-muscled behind is awe-inspiring for sure! It’s enough to bring tears to our eyes. (Tears of lust are still considered tears right?) He wants to marry some boring-ass woman from his childhood called Frannie , and when Lady Catherine comes to him asking him to murder someone on her behalf (because he has one of those kind of reputations), he agrees to do so provided she teaches Frannie the ways to be a lady.
Women teaching women how to be better women. Isn’t that what it’s all about? And indeed, it’s all that and more in this book! There’s just enough of that dark and tortured element in Lucien that makes one want to stroke his silken hair while the other hand lovingly strokes his long, muscular and hard…thigh. Because really, what Catherine doesn’t know is that by making this request of Lucien, he will lose whatever is left of his soul to the darkness that has plagued him all his life.
Oh Oprah, what can we say about Lucien? Shall we tell you how we just want to cuddle his tortured self to our collective bosoms, as he fights the feeling that he’s unworthy? Or about how he can’t control his desire for Catherine even though Frannie’s the one he’s going to marry? Look at us Oprah, are our eyebrows still on? Because the looks that Lucian gives Catherine are scorching! We’re sure you know all about them scorching steamy looks eh? *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Think of the wide possibilities for different spin off programs you could have from this book: Modern Day Etiquette (on how to be a lady), Migraines & You & Dr Oz (since Lucien suffers from frequent migraine attacks), Amnesia: Not Just A Convenient Soap Opera Plot (since apparently Lucien’s migraines are the result of his hidden memories desperately trying to push through), and Abused Women Who Won’t Leave Their Husbands. Think of the ratings Ms Winfrey! Plus, should you wish, we would be more than happy to attend on any one of the shows to give our expert opinion on the matter. And we promise to pack as much snark as we possibly can in our LV trunks while making our way to your studio in Chicago.
As an alpha female yourself, I’m sure you can understand when we say that as alpha females, only an alpha male will do. And who better than Lucien, who can’t control his feelings for Catherine? He tells himself that Frannie is the one he desires, but why is it he longs to revert to ways of old and pick Catherine’s pocket? And when we say he’s picking her pocket, we don’t mean he’s turning to a life of crime. He’s jealous of anyone whom he thinks is making the moves on her, and angrily warns all of them away. And when they are at a dinner, it’s Catherine who he runs after as she leaves the table in tears. Think of all the millions of women who would benefit from reading a book about Lucien, with his brooding ways and need to be loved. It doesn’t take Dr Phil to tell us that turning all gooey over Lucien is because we secretly (ok fine, not so secretly) want an alpha male to call our very own.
Really Oprah, you could even do a show about nicknames and encourage everybody in America…nay, the world to get one. For example, Lucien is called “the Devil Earl” and you gotta admit girlfriend, that’s pretty sexy. I mean, that’s gotta be better than what Tom Cruise’s friends call him right? I mean, really. “TC?” Tsk. And unlike a certain someone, we promise not to jump on your couch when we’re in your studio and will at all times, maintain proper lady like decorum in your presence. We urge you to consider our request for Lorraine’s Heath’s book for admission into your Book list. Let it be the world’s book to live and love by in October. Haven’t you always encouraged women to get their groove on with their men? This book will do that! There’ll be babies popping out left right and centre Oprah! And all because of this great book. Though it may not rank very high on the steam-o-meter next to Sara McCarty or Lora Leigh, or any of them buckin’ wild cowboys that Lola loves so much, it’s still pretty sexy. Cos when Lucien grabs a hold of Catherine and ravishes her, YOWZA! Grab hold of Stedman Oprah, because this book is guaranteed to put any woman in the mood.
So make “In Bed With the Devil” your Book Club pick of the month! And don’t forget to send a free car (or three) our way for this great recommendation!
All our love,
Lola, Sheridan and Mimi
PS: Call us!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
September 11, 2008 @ 8:03 pm
I find that Heath’s books are either a hit or miss- but in this case I may have to get me some Lucien!
Hazel said,
September 12, 2008 @ 9:38 pm
Hi,
I’m restlessly awaiting Lisa Kleypas’ “Seduce Me at Sunrise” and through the all-knowing powers of the mighty Google has led me here. I think you gals are hilarious and because of your very positive review of this book, I decided to give it a go since I need a distraction in between my daily crossing of my calendar until Merripen Day.
I really enjoyed this book. I loved how you can see the “stages” of how their relationship develops. Attraction to grudging respect to friendship to passion then of course love. Both characters (Luke and Catherine) are both believable as well as the secondary cast who before you can say “Holy Series, Batman!” would probably get their own books too.
So, thanks for recommending this book while I go back to my calendar. *le sigh* Still about 18 loong days to go.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
September 13, 2008 @ 10:06 am
What’s up CPG! I really liked this book I have to say and am looking forward to the rest of the series. Nothing gets me right here *pokes heart* like a good rags to riches down and dirty story. Throw in a couple of alpha males and i’m sold! What can I say, I’m cheap that way. Let me know what you think about Lucien!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
September 13, 2008 @ 10:12 am
Hi Hazel! Welcome to our website! I’m glad to see that our daily sacrifices to google have come in useful. I would offer you our usual welcome drink but Lola has locked herself in our alcohol supply closet because like you, she too needed some distraction between now and Merripen’s book. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Guess what? You’re right! It is totally going to be a series. And a one I cannot wait to get my hands on! You can totally check out an excerpt of Jack’s book on Lorraine Heath’s website. *rubs palms together in glee*
17 more days to Merripen!
Lauren said,
September 15, 2008 @ 8:40 am
I loved this book, hers are certainly hit or misses, but this one I actually believed the h/H loved each other. And there really is nothing sexier than a man who goes from rags to richses, thug to Earl.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
September 15, 2008 @ 10:29 am
Lauren you said it best my friend! I can hardly wait for the entire series! (I especially can’t wait for Jack’s book to come out because seriously, what’s not to love? An underworld gambling/pimp lord made good? Holy smokes!)
Lauren said,
September 15, 2008 @ 10:38 am
I know, I saw that it’s out in Dec. the excerpt on her site is good.