Welcome to suburbia
“Temperature’s Rising” by Karen Kelley
This week, Sheridan fell into a vat of love juice (gutter minds people! gutter minds!!) and found herself loving a book that would have otherwise easily fallen into the category of Books that Wish She Hadn’t Paid For As Monies Would Have Been Better Spent Buying Booze. It’s all about the priorities people. Though there were no epic scenes of heart-wrenchyness featuring such classic elements as The Longing, The Manly Clenching Of Jaw Followed By Silent Manly Tears, Grovel, nor passionate speeches in “Temperature’s Rising”, Sheridan found herself charmed nonetheless by the oddball cast of characters that were featured in the book. She may or may not have laughed at some point. Perhaps it is a sign of impending global warming, or a foreshadowing of the apocalypse, for nay did once irritation pass her mind, and the This Is Stupid bat lay untouched.
Truly, Sheridan found the lack of an insane psycho killer out to maim, disembowel, defile, and/or sacrifice the heroine in a contemporary romance novel utterly refreshing. No offense to all Shannon McKenna fans out there but for once, Sheridan would very much like to read a straight up contemporary work of art that does not invoke nausea and disturbing dreams. For unlike Mimi, Sheridan does not enjoy dreaming about limbs hanging from the ceiling, limbs under her seat in a movie theatre. Indeed unlike Mimi, Sheridan has not downloaded the Which Serial Killer Application on her Facebook profile as many times as possible because she is convinced that Ted Bundy isn’t good enough to be linked to. *inches away from Mimi’s office*. “Mi if I haven’t accepted the application the first 300 times you sent it to me, that’s a pretty good sign that I am NEVER going to do it!” Sheridan yells, before yelping in fear and running into Lola’s office.
In “Temperature’s Rising”, the “villains” are small time crooks who have been burglarising the neighbourhood; one of whom is Georgio, an oily haired Italian Stallion wannabe who is probably as tall as Lola’s banana boat float and just as shiny, and his trailer park wife who is so ridiculous, you cannot help but laugh. The scenes involving Georgio and his wife (she who’s name I have forgotten but for the purposes of this review shall be named Boobs A’Trailer) are immensely entertaining to read and by the end of the book, you cannot help but feel really sorry for Georgio for he personifies the very essence of a hen-pecked male. Literally Georgio is so far away from Alpha, he’s like…a Zeda x 2.
Due the spate of recent break-ins, the Chief of Police orders a stake out of Georgio’s house, forcing thus the hero and the heroine to portray newly wed couples (never mind the fact that earlier, the hero had busted the heroine in for prostitution). Ahh, there’s nothing like a good “let’s pretend we are happy in love and pray would you allow me to cop a feel while we’re “pretending” because in all seriousness I think you’re hot stuff and I’m kinda in heat” plot. And in this book, you get that and the fact that the happy couple generates enough chemical sparks to light Springfield. Sheridan is convinced however that this is largely due to Conor Richmond, the charming, irresistibly sexy new guy in town who Sheridan would very much like to dip in chocolate, roll in rainbow sprinkles and consume. She would very much like to be the recipient of one of Conor’s knee buckling, eyes rolling back kiss that Jessica seems to be lucky enough to enjoy throughout the damn book. As all good things must be savoured to be enjoyed, Conor will thusly be locked in Sheridan’s Dungeon O’Sexy Love where other Alpha Males reside. Interested applicants wanting to apply for position of Dungeon Wardens please see La Lola immediately as vacancies are on a first come, first served basis only. Sweet tooths are a must.
Now incidentally, the Chief of Police is none other than Jessica’s match-making baby wanting father who would stoop to nothing to see his daughter get acquainted with Conor. Disturbing as that may be. For while sending over furnishings and food to the newly weds (so that they would never have to leave the house ergo the definition of a stakeout) had sent over oysters, chocolates, champagne and a heart shaped bed. Tee hee! Now there’s my kind of daddy. Wish mine were right now as we speak, hunting for an Alpha Male to impregnate his baby girl. *sighs sadly* Times have changed haven’t they.
And so, for a good time read in the park or by the pool or when draped across the warm hard body of an Alpha Male, Sheridan recommends “Temperature’s Rising”. No stress, no aggravation, no book hurling, hair tearing or alcohol induced coma. Perhaps Lola needs to read one of these. The poor dear has been walking around with missing clumps of hair for quite a while now.
cutepolishgirl68 said,
July 31, 2008 @ 8:38 pm
I like Karen Kelley’s books. I think they are refreshing and a fairly quick read when you just want to let go and not have to think very hard-(like when I hide in the bathtub at night away from my 3 kids, and I hear my husband tell them- “I think I hear your mother calling you!”- boogerhead that he can be sometimes…… Try “Close Encounters of the Sexy Kind” it’s a good read.
Brandy said,
August 1, 2008 @ 5:03 am
Ooh, the scene where the guy has to tell the Chief he arrested someone for prostitution and found out it was the Chiefs daughter? HILARIOUS!
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
August 1, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Hi cpg! I’ll definately be giving that book a try. The title is too cute for words! May I suggest an escape hatch in your bathroom and to the batmobile when you’re hiding in your bathtub with a good book. I’ll be happy to bling your getaway vehicle for you. And you’ve definately hit the nail on the head. Karen Kelley’s books (alright I’ve only read one so I’m not expert) are refreshing and non-aggravating. Tis almost like a quick romp in some sort of minty lemony spritzer. MmMmM…
Brandy I hear you loud and clear. I too chuckled through the scene where Jessica and Conor are in her daddy’s office and Conor’s thinking Jessica is trying to put some moves on the Chief. Hee! Though I particularly loved the scene where the both of them are trying to buy bedsheets for their heart shaped bed. Hah!
Fancy said,
August 1, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
I so agree with the no stress, no everything-you-mentioned-above about reading ‘Temperature’s Rising’. I second trying ‘Close Encounters of the Sexy Kind’ too. And ‘Cosmic Sex’ & ‘The Bad Boys Guide to the Galaxy’. Because if you read one of them, you must read the other two. Hilarious all of them! And sexy too of course
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
August 3, 2008 @ 1:04 pm
A series! *claps hands* Thanks for the tip-off Fancy! “Lola! Off to the pale scary lady we go!”