Bad to the bone: trois partie de trois (Part 3 of 3)
“Baddest Bad Boys” by Shannon McKenna, EC Sheedy & Cate Noble
“Deal with the Devil” by Cate Noble
From the RMB Enquirer
Guess who was seen engaged in a little summer lovin’ on his very own private island? Max “Devil” DeLuca, Italian Stallion and billionaire owner of his shipping conglomerate. The world’s most eligible bachelor, Max arrived at the island a few days ago, only to be joined by a mysterious lady. Who’s the new flavour of gelato this month you might ask? Is it a certain young heiress that he’s been seen keeping company with and who’s had her manicured claws dug deep into him? We have it on good authority that it’s none other than the young, beautiful widow of Max’s estranged cousin, Ellie DeLuca. That’s right! You read it here first! The very one and the same who, according to a very well dressed little birdie, Max had a tryst with before she vowed to honor and love his cousin. Scandalous you say? Want to know more? Sure you do.
Not having a reputation as one of the best investigative and well respected journalists for nothing (take that Anderson Cooper!), we have it on high authority that it was Ellie who made the first move towards Max’s famed nether regions. Indeed, sources close to Ellie have disclosed that she always had a thing for Max ever since she gave him her V-card many summers ago, and had never forgotten that magical night they had spent on the beach on their last hours together. Nonetheless, we were shocked to learn that not only did Ellie send Max a most provocative email about wanting to “negotiate” “new terms” of their agreement with regard the stock options left to her by her late husband, Ellie wanted to do so without a stitch of clothing on. Hey Max, you can come negotiate with us anytime sweetie! Have your people call our people! Sadly for Ellie, she was seen hastily retreating from Max’s apartment shortly after she had arrived, having been chased out by Max’s on again, off again good time girl, a certain Ms V. Did somebody order a catfight? We can hardly fault the very beautiful Ms V for wanting to stake her claim on Max. If we were fortunate enough to have a state of that Maxy pie, we would tie him to the basement.
We have also uncovered that before fleeing Max’s apartment like a Mexican running for the US border, Ellie had left Max a rather deliciously scandalous note on his bedside table. What did that note say you ask? Lucky for you, we managed to bribe our way to obtaining said note - [Editor's note: By the by, we would like to take this opportunity to inform you that our next issue of the RMB Enquirer will be in black and white] “one night - no commitments, no strings, just sex.” Who knew the seemingly shy Ms Ellie was such a wild sexual predator eh? Certainly not us and perhaps, not even her late husband since like you, we’ve heard many whisperings of his numerous indiscretions. Maybe Ellie has an itch that only Max can scratch with his long hard muscular … arm.
Max was later seen leaving his penthouse in a hurry, zooming off in his luxury sports car. Little birdies wearing Hermes scarves and giant Chanel shades tailed Max in pursuit of the truth. Was he in search of the fair damsel do you think? In any event, the fair damsel was reported to be in a fair bit of distress. Alas, we… I mean, the little birdies didn’t quite beat Max there, it being rather difficult to drive with sunglasses at 2am. But listening in on our police radio scanner, a call from Ellie’s residence had come through, claiming that an unidentified intruder had broken into Ellie’s house while she was asleep. Fortunately Il Diavolo was on hand to save the day and to sweep young Ellie off her feet. Literally, as we have, through a series of chemical tests done on shards of broken glass strewn across the floor ala CSI style, determined that Ellie had hurt her foot while making her rather death defying escape through her bedroom window. Who said you couldn’t learn anything from TV eh? An interview with the detective on the scene confirmed that this unidentified intruder is none other than Ellie’s cyber stalker who has been sending her rather naughty emails these last months. Now if you have been following this very entertaining column of ours (and shame on you if you haven’t!), you would know that no one threatens the loved ones of Il Diavolo and gets away with it. Now darlings if you think we’re insinuating that Ellie and Maxy have become “more than friends”, you obviously underestimate how much we don’t like getting threatened by Max’s pittbull attorney and printing retractions.
Of course, access to dearest Max’s private island is strictly out of bounds. Formerly used as a trysting place by Max’s illustrious ancestors, the latest Senor DeLuca does not appear to have brought any birds of paradise to his island nest of love. Until the fragile young widow Ellie landed on the island in a high-speed boat, and was quickly whisked away. The area over the island may be a no-fly zone for our helicopters and nobody would believe us if we tried to infiltrate dressed as chambermaids, but we managed to snorkel in using reeds as breathing implements, just to bring you the latest scoop!
Eyewitness reports tell us that Max and Ellie locked themselves in their room, not even emerging for food, which is not to say that other kinds of eating did not take place. Days later, Max looking VERY determined, bundled Ellie off to a magical grotto on the island, so that he could immerse himself in her magical grotto. How did we get close enough to tell you may ask? Never underestimate our quick-thinking, and the fact that we always have flamingo costumes on hand at all times.
Just before we were thro…um, kindly escorted off the island with yet another restraining order, we spotted police officers swarming Chateau DeLuca, as Ellie’s cyber stalker somehow managed to find his way onto the island as well. Perhaps the whole reeds thing wasn’t quite as innovative as we thought it would be. Rest easy however dear readers! Ellie and Max were unharmed in the incident and sources close to the couple note that they are in love, and are since, like every hero and heroine in a romance novel, living happily ever after. Until our next issue darlings! XOXO -
La Lola said,
July 14, 2008 @ 9:43 am
This is true CPG, I thought Max was a whole lot of scrumptious, with his larger than life… personality and fabulous protectiveness. I especially liked the scene where he was recounting how he kissed her on her wedding day and was like, “You should have married me”. Aww….