Bad to the bone: deux partie de trois (Part 2 of 3)
“Baddest Bad Boys” by Shannon McKenna, EC Sheedy and Cate Noble
“Mimi, where are the wieners?” Sheridan hollered, hands on her hips as she supervised the powering up of the grill by Sven and Juan.
“There aren’t any, it’s Sven and Juan remember?” trilled Mimi in reply.
“I meant the sausages! Honestly Mi, your mind would be homeless if it weren’t for the gutter.”
“So how’s the barbeque coming along girls?” Lola staggered out into the sunshine, a watermelon the size of Kentucky nestled in her hands. “All set for the 4th of July? I made a vodka watermelon! Just like Jamie Oliver told me to! God bless America!”
“He’s British, Lola,” said Mimi snarkily.
“Oh,” Lola said, deflated. She perked up again. “But the second story in “Baddest Bad Boys” features something that’s really American!”
“Monster truck rallies?” asked Mimi.
“Outlet shopping?” shot Sheridan. “Put the corn at a 180 degree angle to the steak Sven! No, that’s 360 degrees. No, that’s 90 degrees. No, that’s 183 degrees…”
*sounds of muttering in Swedish*
“I heard that!”
“Camping!” Lola said triumphantly. “I don’t have any experience with this of course, but I have it on good authority that Americans love camping! And in “After the Loving” by E.C. Sheedy, which is the next story after The Thomas Clown Affair, Tommi Smith (really, who comes up with these names?) is on the run from her embezzler turned would-be murderer ex-boyfriend. And she seeks refuge at the cabin home of her friend’s brother, Mac Fleming. Mac had always had a crush on Tommi (he’s 5 years younger than her, got a bit of an Ashton-Demi thing going on here) but he always thought of her as having margarine thighs.”
“What the hell are margarine thighs?” demanded Mimi, who was happily cutting the vodka-watermelon into pieces. “Are they oily and contain trans-fat? He can’t believe they’re not butter thighs?”
“No, they’re called margarine thighs because they spread easily,” retorted Lola.
Mimi groaned, and decided to help herself to an extra big slice of watermelon.
“Anyway,” Lola continued, ignoring Mimi. “Mac always thought that Tommi was one of those girls eager to partake in free love, and so while he always lusted after her, he never thought that he could make a future with her. And when he’s tasked to take care of her and protect her from the bad guys, they both realise they’re wildly attracted to each other. But Mac is honest, and tells Tommi that he’d like to have a no strings attached affair. Basically it’s wham, bam, thank you Uncle Sam.”
“Has anyone seen my ribs?” Sheridan shouted from the grill.
“Not since you decided the Nicole Ritchie diet wasn’t your thing!” Mimi shouted back.
“Hilarious Mimi,” huffed Sheridan. “I would laugh except I don’t think it’s funny. I was referring to the smokey-mountain ribs that I marinated in Grandpappy Carlotta’s secret family recipe that’s been in the Carlotta clan for 3 years!”
“Fascinating though this is I’m sure,” Lola persisted. “Let me just tell you about the rest of the story. There were so many mixed signals from Tommi. First she’s like, “how dare you tell me that you want no-strings sex! Take that!” *piak* (sound of a slap). Then she’s all, “I’m glad you were honest with me and weren’t trying to lead me on with talk of commitment. Let’s have some X-rated cuddling!” *smooch* Finally it’s her going “You should want more from me than X-rated cuddling! I am a person with feelings and values and a brain! I knit!” OK fine, I made up the knitting part. But really, after listening to her change tune so many times the harp strings have snapped by now, I feel like girl cartoon birds dressed in skanky bird clothes should be flying around my head.”
*KAPOW*
Sparks flew from the direction of the barbeque.
“I didn’t know we were having fireworks,” said Lola excitedly.
“I think that was our dinner,” was the sardonic reply from Mimi.
To be continued…
Kohdi said,
July 4, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
“margarine thighs” ahahahaha, *keels over dead from laughter*. Anyway, I only read the McKenna story, the other two bored me to death. You should get the All about Men collection, it’s got Mac, the clown’s the brother story which was quite hot, and this sizzling story which was my first McKenna ever, with a hot biker who stalked (yes, cos we all know stalking = teh hotness) his girl over several states and canned peaches. *fans self*
Kohdi said,
July 4, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
Oh, and hot spring.
La Lola said,
July 4, 2008 @ 4:05 pm
We hear you loud and clear Kohdi! The hot springs… mmmm…… Check this out http://www.ripmybodice.com/2007/08/12/id-rather-fall-in-chocolate-than-love/
Kohdi said,
July 5, 2008 @ 8:53 pm
Guess I should have paid attention huh ? I much prefer McKenna shorts than her full length novels, all of the yummy goodness without nasty psychotic villains. Well excluding this latest one of course.
And I hate liquorice too, nasty stuff, don’t know how anybody could like it, it looks like car tyres and tastes like one too