“Temperature’s Rising” by Karen Kelley
This week, Sheridan fell into a vat of love juice (gutter minds people! gutter minds!!) and found herself loving a book that would have otherwise easily fallen into the category of Books that Wish She Hadn’t Paid For As Monies Would Have Been Better Spent Buying Booze. It’s all about the priorities people. Though there were no epic scenes of heart-wrenchyness featuring such classic elements as The Longing, The Manly Clenching Of Jaw Followed By Silent Manly Tears, Grovel, nor passionate speeches in “Temperature’s Rising”, Sheridan found herself charmed nonetheless by the oddball cast of characters that were featured in the book. She may or may not have laughed at some point. Perhaps it is a sign of impending global warming, or a foreshadowing of the apocalypse, for nay did once irritation pass her mind, and the This Is Stupid bat lay untouched.

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“Sullivan’s Woman” by Nora Roberts
“Tell me again why I’m doing this,” whined Sheridan, perched on a bar stool.

“Don’t move Sheri!” barked Lola, sketching away furiously on a drawing pad. “I told you, I just finished “Sullivan’s Woman” by Nora Roberts and it featured an artist as the hero. So I’ve been moved by the artistic spirit!”
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“Desire and Surrender” by Katherine Sutcliffe
“I don’t know what’s up with my reading this week,” sighed Lola gustily as she and Sheridan enjoyed their weekly fried chicken ritual. “I’ve been left with a couple of real clunkers! First there was that Diana Palmer one, and now I’ve read another weirdo one from Katherine Sutcliffe. Did I do something terrible in my past life like bathe in the blood of a thousand virgins or something? Or wear shoulder pads?”
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“Warrior Angel” by Margaret and Lizz Weiss
(Sheridan enters the tiny booth, sits, pulls down her black veil with her Chanel leather gloves and bows her head)

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been a while, since my last confession. Father, lately I have been confused and confuddled and thus I seek you and the Lord’s divine presence and wisdom. You see father, I want to go to Heaven. Yes I know, we all do but you don’t understand father, I sometimes spend nights worrying about my association with Ma’mselle Mimi and whether our Father will hold it against me; what with her being the devil’s handmaiden and all. Just the other day father I caught her in the act of almost sacrificing a white dove paper mache. I immediately feigned a fainting spell, crawled on my belly outta that office and then ran to my cupboard and hid like the good God fearing girl that I am. Indeed father, I fear for my soul. Heaven is a place I truly inspire to go after I leave this good earth, for t’will be a place of peace and serenity, where one can have manwich parties all day long with gloriously naked Alpha Males, where every night is a full moon and hott Alpha werewolves roam the streets, where the soles of one’s Louboutin’s never get scuffed, and where lemon meringues rain from the sky! *claps* So you see father, entering them pearly gates is on my to-do list and if I have to kic…gently nudge St. Peter at the gates, then you know I will.

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“Fearless” by Diana Palmer
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That, my friends, is my review of Diana Palmer’s latest book, “Fearless.” You know, this is a non-profit site. We don’t get paid to read these books, and we have so far only received one ARC. (God bless Jenna Peterson for not only having written one of the best books this year, but also one we didn’t have to pay for). Every dollar spent on buying books is a dollar less that we have to fund our latest shoe acquisitions. Which means, I actually paid money to read “Fearless”. In hardcover!!!!!!!! Money that would have been put to better use rolled up and used to clean the dirt out from under my toenails! “Fearless” must have been so named because that’s what Diana Palmer is. Fearless that she can write a book like this and not expect every person who reads it to hunt her down and toilet paper her house.
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“Master” by Collette Gale
So I read Colette Gale’s latest book. Mimi and Sheridan tried to dissuade me. “Remember when you finished ‘Unmasqued’ Lola? Everytime you heard harp music you squealed and clamped your legs so tightly together an ant couldn’t have crawled through,” warned Mimi. “Plus you couldn’t join us for our weekly “Down a pint of whiskey and make lewd comments at Gerard Butler” night until a month later!” chided Sheridan.
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1. While out sailing the treacherous seas, the dashing and sinister pirate lord raids another vessel and captures all onboard, including a rather badly disguised cabin boy. But due to overexposure to the sun, the pirate lord is a bit out of it, and so fails to recognize that the spunky, feisty cabin boy is actually an aristocratic lady who has disguised herself in the hopes of avoiding ravishment at the hands of the dashing and sinister pirate lord (Why God why??) The stupid, aristocratic incognito young lady ends up drawing more attention to herself when she repeatedly tries to grab at the pirate lord’s sword. After questioning his inappropriate response to the feisty cabin boy and fearing that he has spent too many days at sea without A Woman, the pirate lord discovers the truth when he stumbles onto the cabin boy freeing her breasts from confinement. (”How dare you come barging in here without knocking!” “How dare you not tell me you have breasts!”) Filled with great relief, and thus deciding to fill the heroine with something else, the pirate lord consummates their resplendent love. But it is revealed that his life is in danger because he is actually a duke who’s being targeted by his greedy cousin. He then leaves the heroine back in London, as he is fighting his feelings for her, and because she has a tendency to get sea-sick. But the pirate lord finds himself unable to forget her, and sails back to London. She is by now the diamond of the season, and the pirate lord is filled with dismay and jealous passion. Will the pirate lord be able to win her back? Will the heroine be able to overcome her mal de mer? Will the heroine always suspect that her husband is sexually confused? Proposed title: Sea of Love     
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“Lord of Scoundrels” by Loretta Chase
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. But unlike other heirs, the young prince was not beloved by his royal parents. The young prince’s mother fled from the kingdom with her lover, abandoning the young prince. And his father, repulsed by the young prince’s rather large probiscus, exiled the prince to a barren and hostile land known as Eton. There, the young prince was put through much trials and tribulations at the hands of the other young nobles like having his head dunked in a latrine, and being called such epithets as “Big Beak” and “Devil” given his rather large olfactory organ. And so the young prince, determined to live up to his name of the Devil’s Son, decided to be the most spoiled, selfish and unkind man around. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the young prince tried to disguise his self-doubt by trifling with many, many ladies in his kingdom, before moving to conquer the women in a neighbouring kingdom known as France. If he could learn to love another (and not just play with her enchanted rose), and earn her love in return, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?

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“Unlawful Contact” by Pamela Clare
Synopsis of this season’s “Prison Break 6: Love will set you free”

Characters:

Marc “Hunt” Hunter: a Marine-turned DEA agent-turned accused murderer-turned incarcerated felon-turned escaped convict. Once upon a time the first love and cherry picker of Sophie Alton. Always and forever a hot piece of finger lickin’ goodness. Has always carried a torch (figuratively, as well as literally carrying his own torch) for Sophie Alton, whom he Made A Woman in the backseat of his chevy.

Sophie Alton: investigative reporter from the I-team and defender of justice. Like Lois Lane, but less annoying. Unfortunately also cursed with Lois’s inability to recognize her one true love. In this instance, has fantasized about Hunt for years, but is unable to recognize him once she sees him again. The orange jumpsuit must have been pretty blinding.
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“A Rake’s Guide to Seduction” by Caroline Linden
My dearest Anthony,

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Assuredly, the heat that is generated by the sight of your manly and firm buttocks doth maketh my heart quicken with longing. (And leads to much awkwardness, as I am caught by Mimi smiling dreamily to myself and squeezing the air with my greedy fingers. Have pretended that I was dreaming of the donuts we had yesterday for dessert. Suspect she does not believe me.)
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