“In the Highlander’s Bed” by Cathy Maxwell

“There wasn’t enough sex Lola! No steam, sizzle or spark. It was like reading about warm melted but now coagulated cheese. Tres tragic!!!!” wailed Sheridan, throwing the back of her hand against her forehead, ever the drama queen. Peering back at her from amidst a mound of last season’s clothes, Lola frowned and replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about. Then again, I rarely do when you are in one of your moods. Don’t just stand there with your feather boa and tartan plaid. Come help me. I’m trying to organize some of my clothes for a yard sale. We’re low on the funds and Mimi’s refusing to hit the clubs for us. Something about not liking it when men smack her ass in exchange for a fiver. Go figure.”

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A swarm of Mimi’s mutant killer bees have escaped from her secret lab (i.e. her office) once again and have attacked our web servers here at RipMyBodice. Due to this unforseen event, we are now hiding up on the roof as the bees have quickly taken over all our offices. We are in trouble. Men with nets and knowledge of computers will be coming any day now to rescue us….or so they said before laughing and hanging up. Fear not though dear readers, we have managed to escape with our laptops and stash of books. We also have a wet bar up here consisting a far bit of alcohol. Thus you, our lovelies, will not have to go too long without one of our reviews/raniews. Please do however, excuse our website during this time of great upheaval.

XOXO,
Lola, Sheri, Mi

“Dawn’s Awakening” by Lora Leigh
“What’s all this about Sheridan?” grumbled Mimi, plonking her curvy butt into one of the armchairs in the RMB conference room. “And why have the table and chairs been cleared out? And why are there Hello Kittys all over the place?”

“I don’t know,” said Sheridan. “Did you get one of these too?” she waved pink pieces of lily-scented paper at Mimi. “I found this stuck to my door. Release your Inner Cat—- An Interpretative Dance of “Dawn’s Awakening” by La Leopard.”
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Dear readers,

We come to you, desperate. Yesterday we received word from the government to which we belong that we are in violation of not having paid Juan and Sven monies for the many services which they have rendered to us. We’re not sure who squealed to whom, or when it became illegal in this country to provide payment in the form of a butt pinch, a boob flash and a warm bath. Bah. Capitalism.

Having not been able to convince Mimi to charge for viewing her breastage, we had to kick off our Louboutins and use our pretty heads to come up with a way to pay Juan and Sven (with money.. again, bah.). After much thought and deliberation (mostly over the hotness of Gerard Butler), we have decided to sell what we have in our office.
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“Return To Me” By Shannon McKenna
To be rapped / sung to Rhianna’s classic, “Umbrella”

[RAP INTRO]
All clouds in his storms
And it rained
Simon was haunted by his past (Eh eh)
And then he heard his uncle’s dead
Took a gun to his head
We ripmybodice (Eh eh)
Sheridan rappin’ it’s hotter
Than the summer

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“Up Close and Dangerous” by Linda Howard
The other afternoon, in the RMB infinity pool, Lola floated past Sheridan on the giant inflatable banana, a Singapore Sling in hand. “So Sheridan, I read a book the other day about this woman, Bailey, who was caught in a disaster with a really hott guy. Like, a total emergency situation!”
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“Not Another Bad Date” by Rachel Gibson
Rachel Gibson’s always good for a snarky, fun read. Sure, La Lola preferred her Seattle Chinooks hockey series to her recent one about the 4 writer friends, but I think “Not Another Bad Date” is a whole lot better than the other 3 in the series. (Read them, forgot them, didn’t get the souvenir t-shirt.) Seriously though, how could you beat a bunch of rowdy macho physically dangerous hockey stars? You beat them with a diamante whip as they beg you for mercy, that’s how, but you know they really like it because those surely aren’t hockey sticks, and so you keep on going and OK guess that’s enough of that.
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“The Perfect Wife” by Victoria Alexander

Cast:

Sabrina Winfield (SW) Beautiful Widow Who Used To Be Adventurous (i.e. Smuggler) But No Longer. Friends Call Her “Bree”; Sheridan Calls Her Madam Spread Your Wings (Read: Legs) And Fly. Tired Of Playing A Subdued Role; Longs For Adventure She Once Had And A Man She Once Impulsively Kissed. Sheridan Wishes Ursula Would Rise From Depths Of Ocean, Grab Sabrina With One Of Her Tentacles And Drag Her Back Into The Ocean To Become A Sea Weed.

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A collaborative effort between Scribe Sheridan Sakura Carlotta and Linguist La Lola

A is for “Alpha”, our RipMyBodice battlecry/ The reason we get up each morning (die Betas, die!!)

B is for “Black Dagger Brotherhood” and our reason for living/ The release of a new BDB book is much cause for screaming

C is for “Chicago”, the city not the Broadway show / The city of choice for Ms Judith McNaught; the place where Sheridan hopes to meet an industralist billionaire whose seed he wants to sow
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“The Prince of Pleasure” by Nicole Jordan

Sheridan’summary notes on ‘The Prince of Pleasure’

Dear Mi - Beware of false advertising. Nothing is quite as it seems. You can believe it is not butter and no, it doesn’t not quite taste like chicken. Remember the time we went to the Video Ezy down the street and we picked up Jaws 2 for Lola for the 264th time and some idiot had mixed the disc up with Barney’s Great Adventure? It’s like that. Except whereas Lola unexpectedly began having weird unmentionable thoughts about Barney, not a single ice-cube was summoned for Dare. (Yes. That’s his name) Not even a glass of chilled water. Not even when he brought her to his private residence where he had like themed rooms for each supposed fantasy. Maybe I’m falling ill. My glands do feel a bit swollen.

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