RipMyBodice’s Proposed Romance Plots
What makes a good book? The Plot (that is, apart from a sweaty hard-muscled multi-talented (in the bedroom) Alpha Male).
We at RipMyBodice have put our fabulous, perfectly coiffured heads together to come up with ten amazing romance novel plots we think will sell BIG. Besides providing great reviews and entertainment to our readers, we’ve decided to add “giving divine inspiration to authors” to our list of talents. Remember, you read it here first.
1. She’s an overworked, underpaid lawyer, fashioniable, intelligent, gorgeous, and brilliant at what she does. Though she hates her job, she has no choice but to perservere, being the sole bread-winner of her 8 other siblings and her mentally retarded mother. Having seen how her mother (literally) lost her mind when her father walked out on the family, she vows to depend on no man, and has refused the advances of many. One day she is asked by her boss to attend a pitch meeting - harrassed by the amount of work she already has but unable to say otherwise, she agrees. He is the managing director of a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, looking for legal representation. Ruthless, merciless, he vows that no woman would ever tame him. The architect of many successful mergers & acquisitions bids, he knows all the rules and would never mix business with pleasure. But when he meets [insert name here] and her heaving snowy white bosom, he is helplessly drawn to her and finds himself planning a merger of his own. Proposed Title: Love Knows No Law
2. She’s a poor but kindhearted waif who gives her money and scraps of food to others, leaving her no spare cash for clothes, thus leading her to wear little scraps of rags, thus causing her heaving dove-white bosom to flash enticingly at all and sundry. When she is injured while saving the life of a well-heeled and fabulously wealthy duke, he takes her in to nurse her back to health. Once the grime has been washed off, the duke is pleasantly surprised to see that the guttersnipe cleans up good. (”I am pleasantly surprised to see that you clean up good, guttersnipe!” says the Duke.) In the natural order of things, the couple consummate their love but he Can Never Marry Her Because They Come From Different Worlds. And she will never condescend to be his mistress because she would rather starve than betray her honour and have wild fabulous monkey sex and be given jewels. Of course, it is discovered that she is actually the lost princess Anastasia, and they can marry. Proposed Title: The Duke and The Destitute
3. A self-proclaimed King of Rakes, he has seen and done it all. Except, when at a gentlemen’s party thrown in honour of his birthday, his rakish buddies present him with a buxom beauty kidnapped from a nearby village where she was simultaneously teaching young children, caring for her paraplegic father and saving her virginity for The One, he is stumped (no pun intended). Amidst the cheering and jeering to bend her over and show the world he has no need for viagra yet, looking into her pleading brown eyes, he hesitates. There is A Connection. “Mine.” Should he do the dirty things his loins want him to and destroy her and humiliate her in front of everyone and send her home as The Village Whore? Or should he keep her selfishly with him and make her love him while her poor father starves to death? Her future lies entirely in his hands. Proposed Title: Vidi, Veni, Vici - I Saw, I Came, I Conquered
4. She was the darling of her prep school, the apple of her parent’s eye but she only had eyes for the dark-haired rebel from the other high school, the one who stares at her with dark hungry eyes. When, against her parents wishes, she sneaks out one night and attends an underground rave concert with her promiscuous fun-loving best friend, she unknowingly shows up at his concert (where he is the lead guitarist) and their secret love affair shatters the rich poor divide of the town. When his band finally manages to score that coveted music deal, his new manager deems her a distraction he cannot afford and so connives a plan to tear the young lovers apart, engaging the help of her parents. Ten years later, fate intervenes and our lovers are reunited. He realises that every song he has ever written is either about her, or to her, and that no amount of time, distance, music or groupies could erase the hold she has over his heart. She however, wants nothing to do with him but yet cannot deny the attraction still burns strong. Proposed Title: The Music of Her Heart
5. Doomed to walk the earth forever as the leader of the vampires, the Cursed King is bloodthirsty, arrogant and panty-flingingly sexy. Having seen her parents massacred by rogue vampires when she was little, she’s a feisty, ball-busting (rather annoying) vampire slayer called Luffy. When Luffy gatecrashes the annual winter solstice party of the vampires, sparks fly when she encounters the Cursed King who’s reclining on his black throne and surrounded by his harem of female vamps. Who is this girl who isn’t anything like the simpering female vamps around him? Who is this vampire who looks as if a sock has been stuffed down his pants? She wants to kill him, he’s sworn to get rid of her. The passion’s so hot, they’re more than happy to exchange bodily fluids, but Luffy draws the line at blood. Will they overcome their differences and will Luffy bring herself to donate O neg? Can Luffy drink the secret elixir of the white jasmine flower which blooms every 2 weeks so that she can become immortal? Proposed Title: Bite Me Baby One More Time
6. Orphaned at a young age, she grew up alone, fighting to build a life for herself during The War. At 21, living in the small cabin she built with her own hands at the outskirts of the town, she is happy but lonely. As The War progresses and encroaches on the town, she sees him, tall and muscular in his blue and gold uniform, amongst the other soldiers. A general in rank, he brings his men to the town for some booze and R&R in the arms of the town’s loose women. They meet one evening during a town meeting and she falls in love, drawn by his chivalrous ways and his long sword. He whispers promises and talks of their life together after the war. They make sweet love. Joining his men one night for a round of drinks, she finds him in the bar, dead drunk and concussed, being stroked by the wanton barmaid. Crying, she runs away. He regains consciousness in time to find the enemies approaching the town. Unable to find his love in the cabin, and finding instead her cupboards empty, he flings himself headlong into battle heartbroken, not knowing that she carries his child. Will he survive The War and find his true love? Will she ever get over the hurt or will her son be the only reminder of a love lost? Proposed Title: Warring of the Hearts
7. Shattered by the death of her entire family in a tragic boating accident and guilt ridden that she was the only one in the family who suffers from sea-sickness and who therefore wasn’t on the boat that day, she finds herself desperately trying to eek out a living to pay for all the funeral expenses. Desperate and swamped under a mountain of debt, she turns to exotic dancing as a last resort. A celebrated playboy who has finally decided to settle down with a beautiful woman who would give him no trouble, he is unwilling to spend his bachelor party at the infamous titty bar (aptly named The Infamous Titty Bar) but when he catches sight of her tassels under the strobe lights, he finds himself drawn to this mysterious woman and her sad eyes. A wad of cash later, he has bought the privilege of a weekend alone with her and is shocked to find that she is a virgin. Unable then to let her dance for any other man but him, he sets her up in a nice apartment and is now torn between his commitment to marry, and his desire for her. Proposed Title: Dancing for love without her panties
8. Star quarterback of a winning NFL football team, he’s got it all: fame, fortune and golden boy looks. Charmingly roguish, he’s cynical about having been pursued for his money and Porsche Spyder, little realizing that it’s his brawny body all the girls are after as well. As a lackey for his sports agency, she’s assigned to be at his beck and call. Of course, their verbal sparring leads to after-hours fun, since football is a contact sport. But when he introduces her to his friends, everyone wonders why the sexy stud and the shy secretary are together. Trying to resist the ties of matrimony, he seizes on the opportunity to break up with her, little realizing that his heart has already been caught in the lasso of love. Funnily enough, he’s the one who falls to pieces without her and she realizes that she can stand on her own. Thus leads him trying to grovel to win back her affections, by renouncing all others, proposing to her on the big screen and buying her a diamond ring the size of Oregon. Proposed Title: Tackle my football
9. Deep in the misty Highlands (of Scotland), Laird [Mac-something] is leading his clan out on another raid into England and comes upon a fair English maid, bent over a milking stool. Consumed with lust, he falls upon her, and covers her with his warrior blue paint and shows her The Loch Ness Monster. Unbeknownst to him, she was to be the bethrothed of his most hated enemy and was merely helping an old crippled English lady get some milk for her morning oats (from her English cow). Seizing upon the opportunity, he drags her back to his clan, where she conveniently becomes the healer of the land (for she knows the ways of many herbal plants), imparting radical and unheard of medical techniques such as washing one’s hands before stitching a wound. Unfortunately, when she was on route on another milking adventure, she learns that the King of England himself had arrived on Scottish soil, demanding her return and the head of her Scottish lover. Or face War. Fearing an international incident, she begs for his life and agrees to return to Englandto marry her old one-legged cousin, Herbert. A marriage of alliance between two old English families. At first thinking that she has betrayed him, Laird [Mac-something] is wild with rage, killing every cow in sight. Amidst the bovine massacre, he is informed by her maid that she has missed her monthly flux (the English heroine, not the maid) and that his love had not betrayed him. Determined that no son of his would reside on English soil, he returns with his men to England and kidnaps his lady love in the dark of night. Will she be able to avoid an international incident? Will she be able to win the heart of a man whose mere visage strikes fear into the hearts of cattle everwhere? Or will more cows have to die in vain? Proposed Title: Love in the Highlands
10. Skulking in the shadows he sees her as she steps out of her apartment. Having watched her for weeks, he recognises her silhouette, the sway of her hips, the grace of her walk. He palms the sharpened kitchen knife somehow stashed in his pants without cutting himself. His next victim. Kidnapping her in the alley he takes her to a rundown factory he’s been using as his ‘playground’, where in the yard, body parts are buried in various stages of decomposition. He plans to savour her slowly and then dispose of her, but as the days pass, he finds himself unable to hurt her. She sees the tortured past in his eyes and feels for him, not caring that she’s handcuffed to a steel post. As a psychiatric nurse, she has seen her fair share of lunatics. He’s not a lunatic. He’s just.. alone. Like her. But she too has a dark and dirty secret. Reaching out to him with her heart, she tries to get him to open up. Will she be able to get him to loosen the chains and free himself to her love? Will he be able to love a nurse who has killed hundreds by secretly injecting an overdose of drugs in her lunatic patients (women and children alike)? Proposed Title: Serial Love
La Lola said,
February 16, 2008 @ 2:10 am
Disclaimer: Please note that No. 10 is a plot solely contrived by Mimi. La Lola and Sheridan disavow all knowledge.
andrea said,
February 16, 2008 @ 5:03 am
I am so glad that I happened upon this website. Your reviews always make me laugh. This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Keep up the good work!!
And will somebody hurry up and reivew Shannon Mckenna’s new book Extreme Danger? It was great! I love reading your reviews!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
February 16, 2008 @ 6:52 am
Unfortunately we can all say we have read atleast one book with a plot similar to one of those above!!! Are you sure it shouldn’t be “Ball Handler” instead of “Tackle the Football”!?? Sorry it’s been awhile to comment to you girls- I have been in a Marianne Stillings marathon. Her books are very good, Check them out!
btw- did you guys ever get my email about the angel?
La Lola said,
February 17, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
Hey Andrea, glad to hear you like our reviews.
Gives us the inspiration to keep taking our snarky pills every morning. Working on getting copies of the new Shannon McK, and will post as soon as we do!
Hi CPG, thanks for the rec! We’ll check out Marianne Stillings. Any particular ones to recommend? And Mimi’s our resident IT goddess, so she’s the one who checks the emails. What was it you wanted to tell us?
cutepolishgirl68 said,
February 18, 2008 @ 10:08 am
La La Luscious Lola, because L is such a lovely letter (Sesame Street anyone)
okay Marianne Stillings- two diff trilogies
The Port Henry Trilogy
1. The Damsel in Distress (newly re-released- detective turns author- J. Soldier McKennitt, and critic-Betsy Tremaine that writes insulting reviews of his work, meet at a mystery writer’s conference. I loved this book.
2. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evie
3. Sighs Matter
The Darling Detectives Trilogy
1. Arousing Suspicions ( I read this book first and it made me buy her back catalog)
2. Satisfaction (just released)
3. Killer Charms (not yet released)
As for the email it was an angel email that had eye candy and wasn’t sure it would show up right if I attached it here…I’ll try it in a separate posting and see if it works….
cutepolishgirl68 said,
February 18, 2008 @ 10:11 am
okay, never mind- the pics do not come through…boo hoo
janie said,
February 18, 2008 @ 6:21 pm
Have you ladies read Caine’s Reckoning by Sarah McCarty? You should check it out. I think you might really like it.
Angielicious said,
February 19, 2008 @ 6:27 am
Just wanted to mentioned that I am so glad that I came upon this website. You ladies (and I use the term loosely,ha, ha) are absolutely hilarious!! I love reading your tongue-in-cheek reviews of these romance novels. Keep up the good work and I’ve added you to my “favorites” so that I can check your entries regularly (not during working hours of course, wink, wink
P.S. Please read/review Caine’s Reckoning! I have it on order at Amazon and would love to know your thoughts on it.
lauren said,
February 19, 2008 @ 9:37 am
I have that book waiting to be read too, and it does sound like it would fit in here.
janie said,
February 19, 2008 @ 6:10 pm
Don’t wait to read Caine’s reckoning. Read it now. It’s soooooo good. I don’t think you will be dissapointed!
La Lola said,
February 27, 2008 @ 10:26 pm
So many recommendations of Caine’s Reckoning! It must be good! Anyway we’ve ordered copies from Amazon and should be receiving it soon.
Hey janie and Angielicious, welcome to our website! *waves Juan and Sven over* Boys, bring your coconut oil and a round of Hurricanes!
Rabas said,
July 31, 2008 @ 12:26 am
I would seriously read #10, if it’s done well. Crap, now I want to serial killer romances. Mimi you win at life.
Ma'mselle Mimi said,
July 31, 2008 @ 11:16 am
I am actually compiling a list of serial killer romance novel plots which I will publish if Lola and Sheri let me *pouts*. I told them serial killer romance rock. It’s a never before explored niche market! I’m going to whore myself to the publishing houses. If you see a serial killer romance novel on the shelves, I hope you’ll think of me.
Liz said,
August 3, 2008 @ 2:52 pm
I think Susan Elizabeth Phillips has your number 8 plot “Tackle My Football” covered with her book titled “Heaven, Texas”. And you’re right, apparently the plot did sell well!
La Lola said,
August 4, 2008 @ 11:56 am
“Heaven, Texas” is legendary. Who could ever forget that grovel scene at the end? Bobby Tom, you da bomb!
Kaylie said,
August 5, 2008 @ 4:20 pm
These proposed romance plots had me in tears! i have been giggling quite hysterically and been unable to explain to my all male colleagues as to why!!
Simply brilliant - i am sure i have read these. exept for 10 maybe?
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
August 5, 2008 @ 5:28 pm
Hey Kaylie! Welcome to our blog! *throws confetti* We are here to tell you, that you are not alone. NO ONE has read #10 or anything remotely like it (much to Mimi’s dismay I can assure you)
Rabas said,
August 19, 2008 @ 5:40 am
Wow took forever for me to find this page again.
Mimi sells as a “Dexter” sorta thing. He’s a serial killer your romance ill about serial killers, they’re practically the same thing. ^_~
milla13 said,
December 11, 2008 @ 12:05 pm
This totally made my night! I would write a story following one of these plots just for a laugh!
La Lola said,
December 12, 2008 @ 9:07 pm
Oooh, pray, do it milla13 and send it to us! Although I fear I might have nightmares if you decide to write No. 10
Uma said,
February 8, 2009 @ 12:52 pm
OMG, I’m usually a cynical one and it takes a lot to make me laugh but I discovered your blog this evening and I’ve been reading constantly for over 5 hrs - snickering, giggling and howling at appropriate intervals. Thanks for the laughs.
I’d love to hear a proposed plot about fordidden love or guardian/ward.
Great job ladies.
Blathermouth said,
April 26, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
Hilarious. I’ve come across your site before at irregular intervals when I’ve been looking up various books to go on my prospective purchases list. Now I found this and decided I couldn’t go without commenting anymore. It was the divine inspiration to authors what dunnit. I would recommend that if you ever were in need of a job naming romance novels should definitely be one of your possible career choices.
Now that I’ve finally commented it seems as if I haven’t actually said much after all. Oh well, I shall change my name up top to the more acurate ‘Blathermouth’.
LadyCurvyA.K.APHR said,
November 2, 2009 @ 4:18 am
Hilarious!!!
“Showing Loch Ness Monster?” MY GOD!!!! hahahahhaaaa