Is that Excalibur or are you just happy to see me?
“Sword of Darkness” by Kinley MacGregor
The world loves a good King Arthur story. Hello? Clive Owen aka Barebodied Hunka Burning Love in chain mail brandishing his long sword? And don’t even get me started on the weapon he fights with! Gimme some of that somethin’ somethin’! *clears throat and looks at Sheridan’s and Mimi’s pained faces*
Anyway, Kinley MacGregor’s “Sword of Darkness” is the first of the Lords of Avalon Series, where Arthur and his knights have fallen and a new dark king reigns over Camelot. Kerrigen is the dark lord, whose crown has been forged from death and destruction. To cement his power, and prevent his enemies from capturing his throne, Kerrigen has to destroy Seren, a peasant girl/ weaver who is prophesied to be the mother of the next Merlin.
Kerrigen has the usual bag of tricks: sword that can never be defeated, magic, condoms (the lords can travel back and forth in time), yadda yadda. Seren is fleeing from Arthur’s knights, and in an interesting twist, doesn’t know that she’s running from the good guys. Instead, who should come swooping down out of the mists but Kerrigen, mean, bad and dressed in black gleaming armour, astride a huge black stallion. (Be still my lust-filled and pitifully shallow heart). She decides to run into his arms, not knowing that he’s planned (a) death (b) betrayal (c) rape for her. But c’mon, if you saw a gloriously built god rising out of the mists, I’m gonna be pouncing on that guy like a hyperactive 5 year-old on Barney. Superficiality, thy will be done!
When brought back to Kerrigen’s dark lair, Seren starts to realize that perhaps her dark knight hasn’t been on Santa’s good list for a while. But she sees a glimmer of goodness in him and really, even though he seems like the world’s biggest badass demon king, he’s really just crying out for some love! Oh Kerrigen, let Lola stroke your black hair tenderly as we soar high on the transcendent wings of love! Sheridan, Mimi, please, if you’re going to retch in that persistent manner, close the bloody door!
Kerrigan’s black heart starts to thaw for the first time in centuries, in the face of Seren’s goodness and belief in him. But old habits die hard (like me picking at my nail polish because God help me, I just can’t stop). When Seren makes a suit of impenetrable armour from her magic loom and brings it to Kerrigan, she finds him sleeping on his throne, his guard down for once. And so, reaching out to smooth his raven locks from his furrowed brow (Bad Seren! *Lola slaps her hand away* No touchie my Kerrie!), Kerrigan is not fully awake and reacts instinctively and stabs Seren in the stomach with his dagger. Ouch. Better you than me, Seren. But never fear, Seren doesn’t die because Kerrigan is full of remorse, grief and horror at what he has done, and calls upon his familiar to save her, disregarding the fact that it would better serve his purposes if Seren were dead.
Kerrigan is jealous and full of rage at the thought of one of those goodie goodie roundtable knights fathering Seren’s child. And when Kerrigan’s familiar/ requisite comic relief tries on the suit of armour Seren had made for Kerrigan, he’s furious that anyone dare touch what was made for him by Seren. Oh Kerrigan! Wait til you see the giant 3D heart Lola has made for you out of macaroni and superglued with passion! I swear, you will be freaking BOWLED over!
Eventually Kerrigan and Seren get the nasty on, and Seren becomes pregnant. Surprise surprise, the dark king is the father of the next merlin! Now Kerrigan is sworn to protect Seren and their unborn child, and he has to prevent Morgan, the bitch enchantress from getting to them. He needs to tap onto Seren’s hidden magic in order to defend his castle but when he sees how much pain it causes her, he stops, and lies to her that he has all the magic he needs. Ohhhhh Kerrigan! Dump the weaver and hook up with meeee, and let us venture into the wilderness, succored by the nectar of our sweet sweet love! Sheridan and Mimi, ENOUGH with the vomiting! Have you no dignity?
Kerrigan eventually has to leave Seren, so that Morgan won’t send her dark forces after him. But he returns to the little hovel where Seren once lived to retrieve her belongings. And all her meager possessions and tattered things are precious to him, a king who has reigned for centuries and has unimaginable wealth, simply because they were hers. And he’s full of rage at Seren’s nasty landlady, who insults her and grabs her by the throat (as in, Kerrigan grabs the landlady’s throat, because he’s macho and violent like that) *happy shiver* Oh Kerrigannnnn!! I have a couple of ex-bosses for you to meeeeet! Oh, what an expression of love, possession and dominance! Lola’s heart is twinging all over the damn place like the strings of a broken harp!
And finally, when Kerrigan is captured by Morgan, he doesn’t let on to Seren, knowing that she will try and come rescue him (Kerrigan and Seren can communicate telepathically). Instead, while Kerrigan lies on the floor of his dungeon, bloodied and bruised from the torture, he spins fantasies for Seren about how he is free from Morgan and roaming around freely, just to spare her the truth. Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!
*pause as Sheridan pokes her head around the door crossly* “Lola! That was Mrs Barnaby from 6 doors down! She says that the force of your wail has shattered her windows! Again!”
Sorry! Anyway, I too want to be kidnapped by the dark king of Camlot and ravished 8 ways from Sunday. Hell, I’ll even learn how to weave! *raises thumb and pinkie finger to ear* Call me, Kerrigan! This telepathy thing, you betcha it can be trained!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
December 29, 2007 @ 9:56 pm
Usually this time period doesn’t do it for me, but I have got to pick this book up. I love it when the evil one finds redemption, especially when he is a hottie!
La Lola said,
December 31, 2007 @ 3:35 pm
Hey CPG, give it a try and let me know how it goes!
cutepolishgirl68 said,
January 2, 2008 @ 11:36 pm
I kind of like how the others come together to help Kerrigan- Blaise and the trekkie gargoyles and even the cold fish Elaine. And I like the ending that shows Kerrigan as a family man but with a wicked sense of humor. I went and bought the second book too. Thanks for the review.
La Lola said,
January 3, 2008 @ 9:16 am
Glad you liked it CPG
I haven’t read the second book myself, but let me know if you enjoy it!