I wish for a Highlander to call my very own
“If You Dare” by Kresley Cole
*enters Lola carrying two burning incense sticks*
Lola: So Mimi’s back.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta: I know. The whole office smells of guano. *picks up Febreze and starts obsessively squirting the product into the air* You know, she brought some bats home with her. “Vampire bats†she said, “makes me feel closer to V.†Oh Lola, you’re looking a little green. Don’t worry. I made her promise not to let them leave her closet. It’s not like we go in there anyway what with her shrine to Ed Gein in there. No really. Stop…stop gagging and if you must, please stay away from my red velvet couch. I just got it upholstered. Ok how about you just breathe deeply *squirts Febreze in Lola’s direction*…there you go. Breathe it in…No wait okay you’re gagging again and…how about I distract you? I urhm…oh I recently read “If You Dare†by Kresley Cole! I liked it! Though I must say, I didn’t quite care for the hero’s “dinnaâ€, “donna†, “canna†terms of speech. I found it all confus….LOLA! DONNA YOU DARE THROW UP ON MY COUCH!
Sheridan: “If You Dare†is the first of the MacCarick brothers series and it features (as you know since you read Ethan’s book), a trio of good-looking, tall, angry, cursed Highland warriors, who are well versed in the bedroom department. Yum-my. Court is the mercenary brother of the three and who, like his brothers, believes himself cursed - never will his powerful seeds spawn children, and any woman he marries will find herself dead before she can start decorating the marital home in plaid. So with this chip on his shoulder firmly in place, Court meets Annalia, 15th in line to the Spanish throne or something to that effect. In essence, Annalia is royal, a little quirky (in a delightful way), feisty as hell, intelligent, independent and possesses such beauty which makes all living things shrivel up and die in comparison. Incidentally, Annalia herself carries around a her own burden to carry – the old “I don’t want to be like my wanton mama†plot device commonly seen in historical Romances, whereby the heroine is terrified of her passionate and lusty emotions/thoughts, thinking that she’ll end up just like her mamma, the village whore. Because apparently, promiscuity was genetic back in the good old days.
You would like Annalia Lola! She isn’t one of them TSTL heroines at all! Nay! She stands up to Court when he displays brutish insensitive behavior commonly attributable to the male species (messing up her house with his friends one night while drinking, and drinking from a particular vintage of significance) by dumping the remaining contents of the bottle on his head (followed by the bottle), and cleverly manages to brain him with a hidden rock in her skirts while trying to escape. Although why she wants to escape from a good looking Highlander with whom she has electric chemistry with is truly beyond my superior MENSA intellect so one can only assume that Annalia is at times, retarded.
Kresley Cole does a great job in showing the closeness between the two characters – having them subconsciously feeding one another/eating off one plate, him curling his arms around her so he can hold her while he slept, him able to read her dirty lusty thoughts (‘atta girl!), her taking off her clothes to seduce him, him staring at the geometric patterns on the wall above her in a frantic attempt to regain composure so he wouldn’t disgrace himself by finishing the race before it had started…Aah. It’s always the little things that get you right here *beats heart*. Ouch. *Rubs chest*.
As always, the couple is on the run from a baddie who wants to marry Annalia to secure his claim on the throne and while they are on the run, Annalia gets shot (as most heroines on the run in a Romance novel do), they fall in love, he whispers tender words to her in Gaelic, and then she dies. Because of the curse.
Lola: WHAAAAAT?! What the hell kind of Romance novel is this?! She DIES?!
Sheridan: Hee! I was testing you. Your eyes kinda rolled back for a while so I thought you were about to pass out.
Lola: I was imaging Court’s hands all over me, his hard body pressed up against my…
Sheridan: Ooookay that’s…that’s quite enough. Now I feel nauseous. *sprays Febreze and breathes in deeply*. God this smell is addictive huh?
So anyway, she gets pregnant (for no woman can resist the powerful sperm of a Romance hero highlander) and they live happily ever after. Curse broken, the end! Now aren’t you feeling better?
Lola: Yeah thanks, it sounded like a pretty good book! Maybe I’ll read it now while I’m recovering. I got Juan to air out my office and burn 20 incense candles…so I think I should be good to go.
*Mimi bursts through the door* (and still smelling of bat poo)
Mimi: I think one of my bats is PREGNANT!! Can you imagine?! BABY BATS! SO CUUUTEE!!!
Sheridan: Lola! RUN! NOOOOW!!!! *Sloshes Mimi with all the liquid from the Febreze bottle and runs.*
La Lola said,
November 9, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
Ethan…..
Ethan…..
*shuffles like Zombie*
sery said,
January 5, 2009 @ 4:48 am
i loveeee the trilogy. i want ethan!!!!!!!!!!!!