Come on baby light my fire
“Fire in the Heart” by Katherine Sutcliffe
Warning. This is a really dated book. By which I mean you have a hero so mean to the heroine that if he tried to pull any of that crap with any of the RMB girls, I’d be using a certain appendage as a pogo stick. While it’s still attached to him. Bouncy bouncy. But did I like the book? Hell yeah! That’s why it’s FAN-TA-SY. What we have here are all the classic elements of a larger than life guilty pleasure. Observe.
1. Broody Hero:
Damien Warwick- Hung up over his lost love Who Done Him Wrong, Damien is an earl with a lot of issues. Mummy issues, daddy issues, you name it, we’ve had to hear about it. He’ inherited the title much against his will, whilst he’d much rather be back on his plantation in America. He’s either drunk or whoring around with his mistress Marianne, who surprisingly enough, is not a bitch on wheels, and actually gets along with…
2. Ingenue Heroine:
Bonnie Eden- Her name may sound like she’s a room spray, but she’s a street urchin/ orphan who has run away from her workhouse and falls into the brawny arms of Damien. Damien, whose face is perpetually set in a scowl (not that this detracts from the masculine beauty of his face, mind you) doesn’t like his uncontrollable passion for Bonnie, believing that this makes him weak. And so he tries to assuage his conscience and keep his distance from her by employing…
3. The Plot Device That Threatens To Keep Our Lovers Apart:
Damien decides that he owes it to Bonnie to make sure she marries well. So he’s determined to turn her into a lay-dee, except oopsie, he’s even more enamoured of her new, cultured self that he sleeps with her. Uh oh. And now he decides, ok wait! He’ll provide her with a huge dowry, and some guy will marry her. Except he reckons without…
4. The Jealousy:
If you have a penis and go near Bonnie, you’re in for a whole can of ass whupping from Damien. Enemies, friends, Romans, countrymen, it doesn’t matter! Damien thinks he can’t have Bonnie, and wants someone else to marry her so that she’ll be taken care of, but when anyone shows a bit of interest in her, Damien’s so angry he’s like that T-Rex from Jurassic Park going after the goat. Then Bonnie finds out that Damien’s been trying to marry her off, which leads us to…
5. The Role Reversal:
Now Bonnie’s the one turning up her nose at Damien as if he’s curdled baby vomit. She decides that if Damien’s going to marry her off, then by God she’s going to settle with his arch nemesis whose name I can’t remember, so I dub him Arch Nemesis. Plus she’s found out that she’s pregnant, so in order to make sure the baby’s born on the right side of the blanket, she decides to marry someone other than Damien. Some dumbass behaviour from Bonnie ensues, where she ends up nearly being raped by Arch Nemesis. Damien stumbles onto the scene, and challenges Arch Nemesis to…
6. A duel:
An early morning gun fight at Regency London’s version of the OK Corral gets everyone all worked up. Bonnie finds out the location of the duel, and runs to be by Damien’s side. Seriously, if it was Lola and I was the subject of a duel, I mean, thanks for fighting over my honour and all, but I’d rather sleep in so just let me know how it goes when you get back. Or if you don’t get back, I’ll know what happened, so either way, don’t worry about it. Then Damien, weak from blood loss, is harsh to Bonnie…
7. The Insult:
“Frankly urchin, you’re not worth it.” Now see, I get why Bonnie’d be upset, her having a real chip on her shoulder about being, oh I don’t know, an actual STREET URCHIN and all, but I can think of better insults. Like if Damien had accused me of being a dog killer (Die Michael Vick, die) or wearing ugly shoes. But some people (whose names rhyme with Tonnie) are sensitive, so Bonnie becomes:
8. A runaway:
I like this part! This is linked to the grovel! I like the grovel! No more prozac for me until I lay off the exclamation key! Damien is desolate that Bonnie has run away and is turning all of London over to find her. He finally stumbles across her, barefoot and pregnant (literally) and staring at a shop window full of…
9. Ribbons
Some girls love Christian Louboutins and Chanel, others love ribbons. We don’t judge. And it is pretty moving when Damien pulls Bonnie into his arms, and is racked with guilt when she collapses, her last words being “They took my ribbons.” I guess it’s more poignant than to have me flailing my arms and legs on the sidewalk yelling “Give me back my Chanel you bloody thieving bastards!” So Damien and Bonnie kiss and make up and they live…
10. In utter poverty
Because Damien has lost all his money, Bonnie has lost all her looks, and they both develop the pox. Haha. Fooled you. You know the drill. Happily ever after.
lauren said,
October 30, 2007 @ 10:54 pm
Sound like my cup of tea. I guess I’ll probably have to make a UBS trip though, cause the good books are never in print.
Wendy said,
October 31, 2007 @ 9:55 am
I’m dying for a refreshing sniff of Bonnie Eden.
La Lola said,
November 1, 2007 @ 4:17 pm
The worst thing is when you’re dying to read a book, and you have to hunt to the ends of the earth for it. Indiana Jones had an easier time with the lost ark.
Gummy Bear said,
March 18, 2008 @ 8:04 am
god i loved this book!! my all-time favorite (but you can have more than 1 right?). i went hunting for her other books and they couldn’t compare. not. even. close.
La Lola said,
March 18, 2008 @ 10:23 am
Hola from La Lola, Gummy Bear. I totally loved this book too! So much so that I was bouncing here and there and everywhere. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
bkgirl812 said,
April 8, 2008 @ 4:14 pm
i read this book when i was in middle school and thought it was very …hmm…racy… back then, and now i want to read it again (gosh darnit!) amazon here i come!
La Lola said,
April 8, 2008 @ 4:42 pm
Happy hunting bkgirl812! Frankly, this was the best book by Katherine Sutcliffe ever. The rest don’t even come butt snifflingly close! *sob* And good job reading this in middle school! Sheridan and I read Judith McNaught when we were 11, which we think explains our present state of (in)sanity.