The Grovel: Not just a building material
According to Dictionary.com: Grovel \Grov”el\, verb\ To creep on the earth, or with the face to the ground; to lie prone, or move uneasily with the body prostrate on the earth; to lie fiat on one’s belly, expressive of abjectness; to crawl.
According to La Lola: Grovel\ heart-wrenching moment in romance novels where the hero, having realised how greviously he has wronged the heroine, must beg his way back into her good graces and her bed. The Grovel whenever it occurs in romance novels is also a treasured find for La Lola, much akin to taking a wrong turn and accidentally stumbling upon a designer sample sale.
The first in our monthly/ yearly/whenever we get around to it (depending on how diligent we are) lecture series, La Lola thought it would be appropriate to speak on a topic near and dear to her heart. No, not how La Lola keeps all her shoes in the fridge as advised by Mr Louboutin, but that greatest of all traits unique to romance novels, The Grovel.
Why does La Lola like this you may ask. Is La Lola harbouring a latent sado-masochistic bent? Does she delight in having a hot hunky male kiss the tops of her perfectly pedicured toes? Does she always think she’s right? Is she one sprinkle short of a donut? (Yes to all of the above). But primarily, come on guys, admit it, The Grovel is FUN.
After all, what challenge is there in reading about the taming of a whipped puppy of a man? But if he’s strong and alpha, then his ultimate downfall and capitulation at the hands of the heroine is just testament to her strength, charisma, and the fact that she’s probably very limber in the sack. A very good Grovel is the source of many heart-twinging moments. Sure it makes you want to shoot yourself in distress that you will never have an alpha male clasp you around your ankles, and promise undying devotion and penance for his misdeeds. But vicarious enjoyment is the next best thing. Like I’d never want to bungee jump, but it’s a ball watching other people do it as I stand on the ground and cheerfully wave a pair of shears up at them.
I can read about Big Misunderstandings and the like, where the hero either behaves in a manner or accuses the heroine of wrongdoing in a way guaranteed to make you scream. The number of times I have been tempted to tie the hero’s joystick to the back of a car and drive to Texas are countless. But I can forgive all that, if I think the hero has learned his lesson and grovels for his life. It’s part of the fun actually, as I rub my hands together in glee, expecting his comeuppance. After all, the worse the hero behaves, the more he has to make up for later.
Exhibit A: Judith McNaught. Almost all of her books feature The Grovel in one form or another. The amount of grovel is directly proportionate to how much La Lola enjoys the books. In Something Wonderful, Jordan Townsend behaves in such an immature way that just makes you want to smack him (and not on his bum in a teasing prelude to the good stuff, but REALLY smack him). I’ve never met another romance hero who blew hot and cold so often; he’s practically an air-conditioner on the blink. First he despises the heroine (Alex) for trapping him into marriage, then he becomes infatuated with her after he’s kidnapped and dragged onboard a slave ship. Then he returns, and thinks that she fooled around behind his back while he was doing a Ben Hur. After that, he generously decides to forgive her, only to suspect once again that she’s in cahoots with his cousin to kill him. Finally he realizes his mistake, but only when she’s shot in the head. (But fret not, she’s one of those miraculous Guinness Book of Records people who survive for fifty years with a bullet lodged in their head.)
Now see, I can put up with that sort of infantile behaviour. Sure, it makes me gnash my new laser-whitened teeth, but Jordan realizes his mistake and how he has wronged Alex. When he sits by her bed, thinking she’s dying, and he begs her to take him with her, because he loves her too much, and wants to go with her? And he rocks her in his arms, crying like a baby? La Lola would gladly plunge the stiletto of her Jimmy Choo into her own heart, if it meant hearing my beloved whimper that he cannot live without me. (Of course, I must be guaranteed that (a) don’t actually die, and (b) that I have a speedy recovery, with no scar to show for it. Oh and some anesthetic beforehand so that I don’t feel the stiletto plunging into me would help too. And someone to wipe off my Jimmy Choo so that it doesn’t get stained with blood would be nice.)
And in To the Ends of the Earth by Elizabeth Lowell? Travis Danner had been burned by his cheating ex-wife and consequently, held every other woman responsible for her actions. This includes the heroine, which makes for great reading, but must be pretty awful if you’re in love with a man who is deliciously studly in every way, if you overlook the fact that he pretty much thinks your morals are looser than my Great Aunt Agnes’s under-arm wattle. La Lola has something to say to that my friend. If I’m a whore, and you love me, what does that make you? An emotionally shallow wanker who thinks with his truncheon and is in love with a whore! That’s right! *shakes fist* Tuck your lousy limp penis between your legs and head for the hills Jerky Jack!
But fortunately, Travis finds out how mistaken he’s been, and grovels like the prairie dog/ gopher that he is. To La Lola’s delight, Catherine the heroine decides she’s had just enough of Travis’ mistrustful, emotionally hurtful ways and kicks him to the curb. Good on you girl! Nothing less than absolute capitulation and tears will do, as the tables are turned and Travis scrambles to prove to Catherine that he too is worthy of trust. *happy sigh*
On the flip side of the coin though, nothing is worse than a jackass hero who doesn’t follow up with proper atonement. Then you’re faced with the aggravation of having to read about his immature, bratty behaviour, with none of the recompense. No names here, but the number of books that have been punted across the room into oblivion are immeasurable.
So I give you La Lola’s version of “The Romance Reader’s Prayer.”
Dear Lord,
Make the hero alpha and male
Give him the strength to allow him to protect the heroine from harm
(as well as to sling her over his shoulder in caveman sex)
Let him repudiate all other skanky hoes who came before the heroine
As he realizes that She Is The One For Him
If he acts like an idiot
You must surely have reasons for having him do so
Just let him grovel as no man has groveled before.
Let them live happily ever after
With the possibility of sequels for his hot brothers/ friends
Above all, let the hero love only her forevermore
And buy her lots and lots of jewels and shoes.
Amen.
Edgar said,
September 20, 2007 @ 2:36 am
I’m a masochist alpha, order me to grovel, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease
Wendy said,
September 20, 2007 @ 8:12 am
Masochist alpha? Seems like a contradiction in terms.
La Lola said,
September 20, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
I’ll order you to grovel only if you buy me jewels and shoes. No negotiation. And good shoes please.
Edgar said,
September 20, 2007 @ 3:22 pm
Would you like some new evening gowns with that, m’lady?
La Lola said,
September 20, 2007 @ 3:42 pm
Why not? I’ll put on my black knee high boots, just for you.
Edgar said,
September 20, 2007 @ 7:40 pm
cool, does that mean I can call you mistress?
Wendy said,
September 21, 2007 @ 7:26 am
Gee, am I interrupting here?
I think I prefer the Suffer to the Grovel. I love a good suffer.
La Lola said,
September 21, 2007 @ 9:38 am
What’s The Suffer? I mean, I get a general idea, but feel free to elaborate!
Wendy said,
September 21, 2007 @ 11:27 am
The Suffer would be what comes before The Grovel. The part where the hero realizes what an utterly stupid shit he’s been and how the heroine is suffering because of his Stupid Shitness and he suffers commiserately.
La Lola said,
September 21, 2007 @ 11:37 am
Ooh, I like the sound of The Suffer. What books feature this? All I can think of are the McNaughts and some of the SEPs.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
September 21, 2007 @ 12:21 pm
“The part where the hero realizes what an utterly stupid shit he’s been and how the heroine is suffering because of his Stupid Shitness and he suffers commiserately.”
I’m immediately thought of Ian Thornton in “Almost Heaven”, when he drank himself to sleep every night on his study couch when Elizabeth left him, and he begged her best friend to tell him where she was. Fabulous.
Wendy said,
September 21, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
One of my favorite Suffers is in Kat Martin’s Heartless., which is otherwise nothing to write home about. But the hero thinks the heroine cheated on him and he uses her and then throws her out in the street, and later learns that rather than cheating she had almost been ravished. And he suffers so hard he THROWS UP. In a very manly way, of course.
La Lola said,
September 21, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
OH YES!!!! I have read that one. LOVED it. Well, I loved it up until the point where he found out that he had wronged her, and then when they got back together it was pretty boring. Hmm… I think I feel a review coming on….
Wendy said,
September 22, 2007 @ 12:42 am
Another great Suffer - Forbidden by Elizabeth Lowell. He goes into a Berserker rage! Oh baby! But you might be disappointed, because there is no Grovel. There is practically no ending, in fact. But I still love it.