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“Almost Heaven” by Ms. Judith McNaught
We here at ripmybodice.com have had a trying time. Juan still hasn’t called and not only are we frantic with worry, our nails have been thusly un-manicured, our muscles, tensed and our tans, uneven. It has been a trying time indeed. While clearing out the storeroom in search of more whiskey, Lola and I found an unopened packing box filled with Romance novels we had yet to unpack into our Library of Love. We squealed with delight which drew the attention of Mimi who was at that time watching a documentary on mummification, which inevitably sent Lola and I running because mummy time for Mimi is private time and yeah alright, we are a little scared of her. Every cloud has a silver lining they say, and although we did not find any whiskey (DAMNIT!!) we did find Ms Judith McNaught’s classic, “Almost Heaven”.
Ahhh! Ian Thornton. The brooding bastard of a man, crack shot (i.e. he was very good with a gun), wealthy, intelligent, gorgeous and also, the only genius in all of Ms McNaught’s repertoire. Seeing as how Sheridan Sakura Carlotta cannot count to save her life, she finds this particular quirk about our Alpha Hero incredibly sexy and appealing, wishing she could somehow dye her hair blonde, and go back in time as the Countess of Havenhurst, the heroine to Mr. Thornton. Yes yes. Mister Thornton. Enter therefore plot device to facilitate The Misunderstanding (not to be confused with The Big Misunderstanding, which comes much later in the book. Well whaddya expect? This is a Ms. Judith McNaught classic after all). Ian and Elizabeth meet, add music, water, decolletage and voila! Instant attraction ensues. But since the book is very thick and this all happens rather early on, you know there can be no happy ending yet and so, enter a scandal, a betrayal, and The Misunderstanding. *snaps fingers* Elizabeth’s reputation is as soiled faster than you can say JUANWHEREAREYOUCOMEBACKNOWTOUS, and Ian disappears.
Her odious uncle of course, wants her gone and rather embarrassingly gets some of Elizabeth’ss former suitors to re-offer marriage to Elizabeth in return for her dowry. Unfortunately, Ian’s secretary mistakenly accepts her uncle’s offer and Elizabeth is sent packing to Scotland with her duenna to spend time with Ian (as she did with all her suitors). It don’t take long for Elizabeth to realize it was all a mistake (I believe Ian’s thundercloud-esque face sealed the deal here) but she refuses to leave because she knows that returning to England prematurely would only incite her uncle’s wrath. So she strikes a deal with Ian and stays much to the delight of his love tool, even though he is initially savagely cruel to her. It is in the cottage of love that we find out about Ian’s dark and tormented past, and when Elizabeth flees the cottage (but of course not before The Misunderstanding comes to light and Ian realizes that she wasn’t a “consummate actress” but the girl whom he had fell in love with, all pure and chaste and whatever and that whatever they had felt back then was real) and back to England, Ian realizes that in order to make her his, he has to make re-establish relations with his grandfather. In the context of the book and the depth of disdain Ian had for his grandfather for what he did to Ian’s family, this is the equivalent of cutting off one’s privates and handing it to another; so deep is the sacrifice for Ian.
I must say however, that the relationship between Ian’s grandfather and Ian brought a tear to my eye and is probably one of the better secondary relationships Ms. Judith McNaught has ever brought to the table in one of her books. Ian’s granddaddy is completely endearing as an old man eager to make right a wrong, and the whole bit about how he got an artist to send him pictures of Ian growing up made me immediately pick up the phone to call Pappy Carlotta and hear about his day, how he tried to expose himself to the new hot nurse of the ward, and his bowel habits. Awww! I love you Pappy!! Anyhoo, Ian and his grandfather swoop in on Elizabeth and immediately seek to restore her respectability in the eyes of the ton and Ian’s pursuit of Elizabeth is really, well, it makes one’s heart all a-flutter just reading about it. The reality however of a Ian Thornton-less life on the other hand, makes one want to hit the bottle. If one hadn’t already cleaned out one’s alcohol supply for the quarter. Sigh.
The two eventually marry and fall even deeper in love but of course, this is just pure emotional manipulation on the part of Ms. Judith McNaught as it is all a ploy so that when The Big Misunderstanding comes along, you’re left crying into a box of tissues while feeling like your heart is going to shatter. Elizabeth stupidly runs off with her half-brother thinking that Ian is some sort of monster (another TSTL heroine you say? Why yes, I believe you are right) and Ian is charged for murder, hunted by and spat at by the city of London who have already condemned him never mind the fact that the trial had not started. Elizabeth of course, realizes that her half brother is an ass-wipe, races back into town and shows up during the trial of Ian to proclaim his innocence. Thankfully, Elizabeth redeems herself during this entire scene and you almost want to forgive her for thinking the worst of darling Ian. But then again, we are big softies so unlike us, Ian is unmoved by her “rescue” and demands a divorce from her. Insert here a pretty amazing speech given by Elizabeth to Ian, which proceeds to haunt him for weeks after she mysteriously vanishes. Ian pretty much cracks from the pain of losing and missing Elizabeth and so, he flees the house he once shared with her and heads to his cottage of love to seek peace and solitude.
As this is a Romance novel, you can bet your bottom dollar that he found peace, solitude, and then some. In the end kiddies, another happy ending albeit slightly cheesy and another emotionally draining book from Ms Judi -*knock knock knock* “Hi Mimi! The mummy documentary over? Cool cool. Nono, just writing another review. Of course I’ll do you a favor what’s up? Urhm…no you cannot mummify me when I die and put me in your office. Why not? Urm…because…because Lola said, Lola said that SHE wanted you to personally mummify her earlier today she said that yes she did. Yeah really! Isn’t she great? Yeah you should totally go talk to her about it! Yeah she’s in her office! Uh huh! Okay bye!!” Where were we?
If you haven’t read “Almost Heaven”, waste no more time in getting your behind down to your nearest bookstore and picking up a copy. Then may I suggest taking the phone off the hook, and curling up on your bed with a box of kleenx and ready yourself for an amazing few hours. I’ll see you on that flight to Scotland to find a modern day Ian…this is of course assuming I’m not killed by Lola and then mummified by Mimi by the end of the day. *door bursts open* damnit!!
Wendy said,
June 15, 2007 @ 2:33 am
I’m reading it right now (in pieces, because the cover is nicely gym safe.) It is all you say and so much more! Well, no, actually, you pretty much cover it.
Sheridan Sakura Carlotta said,
June 15, 2007 @ 9:00 am
Thanks Wendy! Well we do try here at ripmybodice.com not to give away spoilers but…it’s a little hard to convey the depth of love/disdain for a book mid-rant. If you love books which leave you sobbing on the bedroom floor while burrowing through a box of Kleenex, might we suggest (other than Ms. McNaught’s fine collection of books (excluding her recent foray into murder-mystery-thriller suspense)) “Kiss An Angel” by Susan Elizabeth Philips (a contemporary (also the book Lola wants to be buried with)), or “Again the Magic” by Lisa Kleypas (a historical (dibs on McKenna!). Assuming you haven’t read them already that is *wink*
samq said,
October 16, 2007 @ 3:15 pm
I have read this book sooooooo many times. One of my favorite. And I was always so sad that Something Wonderful wasn’t nearly as good.
Anyway, I don’t have a copy so reading this review was way more fun than driving across town to raid my sister’s library for hers.
LadyCurvyA.K.APHR said,
April 3, 2010 @ 7:14 pm
I so loved the fact that after reading about all those jaded, cynical males who don’t believe in ‘love’, finally found someone I simply adored … Ahh Ian, indeed!
I agree with you in many things (I did wish while reading I was a blonde and not a brunette, a fact I really don’t regret much … and so many other things) … Ian is just … well, Ian! So sweet his speeches were (”I am a scot, we do (fall in love)” … YAY!! ) … And I only thought, WOW!!
I liked Elizabeth for the most part and despite being a TSTL a few times, she proved she deserved him.
Still, Ian is amazing (and a genius! It’s just crazy!!!)
I feel sad that life is so unfair! *sigh*
Of course loved your review as always.