I’d rather do Caine
“Castles” by Julie Garwood
Amongst the three “pirate” book series written by Julie Garwood (the first two being “Guardian Angel” and “The Gift“), “Castles” is sadly the least memorable. And for all you out there who are not yet accustomed to our snark, that means it’s kinda boring. No really we can barely remember it other than it involved a) a princess; b) castles; c) some sort of sinister plot; d) some sort of “funny” bet between two old foggies; and e) the first ever male platform shoe read about in a Romance novel by Sheridan Sakura Carlotta. Oh and when we say “funny”, we don’t mean “hahahah! You’re so funny ohmygod I can’t breathe”, but more like “Oh hi Pappy Carlotta? How are you? You want to tell me a funny story? Sure! uhm…you did a what in your pants? And then you did what to it?! Oh. Heh. Hmm. That’s funny Pappy Carlotta. Real funn- NURSE!!” Yep. That kind of funny.
By the third book, Jade (from the first book) has already given birth and I believe is preggers again, Sara (Nathan’s wife from the second book) is also preggers or has given birth (I don’t remember and frankly can’t quite bring myself to care) and so the men-folk are happy and pleased with themselves, having comfortably settled down and spawned. Colin however, struggles still with his limp (cos a shark took a bite out of it in the first book) and the mind-numbing pain that goes with it so he’s all cynical and unhappy, beneath his polished veneer. Enter Princess Alesandra of some unspecified Eastern European country to save him from the Alpha Male place of gloomy solitude, cynicism and grouchiness where so many tread but so little stay. Princess Alesandra has fled to England to avoid marriage to an evil evil man, under the protection of the Duke of Williamshire (Caine and Colin’s pops). Unfortunately, the Romance laws dictate that the Duke and his wife fall ill at this opportune moment, leaving Alesandra no choice therefore but to go stay with Colin. The only healthy unaffected one of the family; also the only eligible bachelor left of the Williamshire clan. Never one to miss a good plot tool, Julie Garwood waves her magic wand and oopsie. Colin is down with the same mysterious flu-like illness (it is never really revealed to us in the book we don’t think and so we consulted our doctor friend, who confirmed that it is indeed the dreaded yet vastly curable by the end of the book Romancititus, most commonly disguised as the plague or yellow fever or the flu or pneumonia etc etc, (i.e. any sort of illness striking unfortunate heroes and heroines in historical romance novels)), and Alesandra nurses him back to health.
Mommy and Pappy Williamshire want Colin to marry Alesandra so she will be well protected and also, they have seen into their hidden crystal ball of love and have deemed it a good match. Colin of course, wants to maintain his swinging single days but yet, cannot deny the “strong love feelings” he has for Alesandra. And by “strong love feelings”, I mean he wants to invade her castle. If you know what I mean. I’m sure you do. So Colin and his now recovered daddy dearest and Caine engage in the exercise of choosing a suitable husband for Alesandra, which only serves as entertainment for Caine as he watches Colin struggle to come up with an excuse as to why each potential candidate for Alesandra is unworthy. It’s pretty funny I must say and it melts my cold heart a little because you know how I like them jealous and possessive. But mostly, it’s because I think I’m slightly in love with Caine, who just about steals each and every scene he is in, regardless of whether the book is about him or not.
In the end, Julie Garwood’s charm and humor saves the book and makes it an incredibly light-hearted fluffy read. I especially loved the part when Alesandra brought a notepad and pen into bed to take notes before Colin proceeded to consummate the marriage. I was highly amused but I suppose, not more than Colin was. You see, Alesandra has this list-making compulsion which I can totally identify with but I’d like to think that if I hopped into bed with my man and a notepad and pen, I’d have the decency to throw myself out of our luxurious penthouse window for shame. But that’s just me. Unless I’m indulging in a little tracing/sketching…then of course there will be no jumping anywhere for me.
Oh I forgot to say, that on top of everything else, there’s a serial killer on the loose and has his serial killer eye set on someone near and dear to Colin. Can you guess who? So my dear readers, moral of the story is, put “Castles” on your KIV to read list for one of those days where you are stuck in a bad romance novel rut, and want to read about princesses, castles and serial killers. *looks at Mimi*. Yeah. S-E-R-I-A-L K-I-L-L-E-R-S. *sees Mimi running to the library*. Hee!
PHR said,
October 29, 2009 @ 4:20 am
Everything aside, me also love Colin … and Colin (B.) from JQ … and possibly falling in love with the name itself, is it supposed to be normal???