“Heartbreaker, you got the best of me”
“Heartbreaker” by Julie Garwood
Contrary to popular belief (mostly propagated by ourselves here at ripmybodice.com HQ), we, or at least I, Sheridan Sakura Carlotta, don’t despise *all* murder-mystery-thriller Romance novels. Nono, our dear readers, I am here to tell you today, that I actually liked one. Yes! One! “Heartbreaker” by Julie Garwood. (PS: this is also when I say to Julie Garwood and Ms Judith McNaught: Don’t think this review means you can keep on doing what you were doing and ignore our most ardent (and wise) pleas to ditch the murder-mystery-thriller Romance novels like a mound of bat guano wrapped in pleather. That’s right! You heard me!! P-L-E-A-T-H-E-R.)
“Heartbreaker” starts right off the bat (hee!) with the sinister murder-mystery-thriller plot, and we are immediately entrusted with the knowledge that the bad man of the book (”Bad Man”) wants to murder our plucky heroine. We know this because Bad Man confesses this to her brother within the first chapter of the book. At confession. You see, our plucky heroine’s brother is a Father. As in, Holy Batwings Batman! ‘He’s a *Father* Father.
Her Father brother of course, upon hearing the Bad Man’s confession, goes nuts and calls his BFF Nick Buchanan, decorated, tortured, jaded, GQ model good-looking FBI agent (aka Batman (nanananananananananananana…batman!!)). Batman arrives at the scene to save the day, meets our heroine Laurent whom he has only seen through the wonder of color pictures and his little batty bits go into overdrive because our heroine Laurent (aka Damsel in Distress) is hot, and Batman wants to drag her back to his cave, hang her outside down and smother her with bat lovin’. But alas! He cannot because he figures a) his BFF would not like it and b) since his BFF is BFF with you know who, he thought it be best not to piss of You Know Who lest he be sent back to earth as a Beta Male. Well, not really but I would say that is a valid consideration.
Anyhoo, after assessing the situation, Batman decides that he cannot protect his Damsel in Distress and his BFF alone, and thus sends the bat signal for his fellow rogue FBI agent Noah (whose secret code name is Robin. Again, no not really, but I have decreed it so and I am the ruler of all I survey and also this review). Batman & Robin therefore split up the crime fighting duties - Batman with plucky Damsel in Distress, Robin with the Father brother (just in case the Bad Man comes back for Father brother). Batman and Double D then travel back to her hometown and pursuant to FBI instructions, proceed to act like a couple in love in order to draw the Bad Man out of hiding. And of course, this is when it gets good. Batman and Double D get to act out their deep fantasies of being a real life loving couple. Double D gets to somewhat show off her (Bat) man to the rest of the town who has since labeled her a man-jinx, Batman gets to touch her under the guise of “acting”… so I guess that doesn’t count with God and before you know it, Batman and Batgirl find themselves fighting an ever increasing wave of sexual tension. Holy Hello Kitty Batman! Is that a bat tracker in your tights or are you just happy to see me?
Because this is a murder-mystery-thriller-Romance novel, Batman gets to act all possessive and jealous and protective throughout the book. Yum. Anyhoo, the secondary character of Robin wasn’t too bad either. Robin is a golden god amongst men, dangerous, slightly trigger happy, intelligent, good looking (as all men in the Romance world are), and provides readers ample comic relief with his provocation of Father brother. I hear Robin has his own book out. But since I have sworn the sacred oath on top of All That Is Holy here at ripmybodice.com HQ (i.e. a bag containing one bottle of absolut vodka, one copy of paradise, one picture of Gerard James Butler, and a pair of Christian Louboutin black stilettos) never to willingly read another murder-mystery-thriller Romance novel ever again unless it is read to me by a nekkid Gerard Butler, I haven’t read it.
Julie Garwood manages to strike a balance in this book between just enough murder-mystery-thriller to keep you flipping the pages, enough scintillating Romance and heat to keep you fanning yourself, and with a touch of creepiness to the character Heartbreaker (”yes siree”) to give you that tingle down your spine. Then again, I’m a complete and utter wuss when it comes to scary stuff, preferring instead to hide under the blankets with Juan. Although the plot of this book is somewhat fairly predictable (Agatha Christie Julie Garwood is not), “Heartbreaker” was thoroughly enjoyable to read. Sadly, this was also the last enjoyable book I’ve read from her since 2000. *sniffle* Oh well. Juan! Get in here! We’re going to play ride the bat-mobile again!! Nanananananananananananananana Batman!!
betty b said,
May 18, 2007 @ 3:01 pm
Haha. your review is hilarious! It was really a really fun read.