“Every Breath you Take (Special Edition)” by Ms Judith McNaught

When La Lola told me that Ms McNaught had a new book out, I remember feeling like a kid on Christmas morning, like someone had told me that Clive Owen was at my front door looking for me with a bouquet of roses and/or that Daniel Craig was calling on the phone, begging to speak to me. But like all good hopes and lighted dreams, it came crashing down when La Lola had to add “it’s another murder-mystery though”. I screamed. Screamed until the birds flew off the branches of neighboring trees and only stopped when Juan, our lovely Cabana boy came by and took of his shirt. And so, I told myself that I would not read the new book. Nothing was worth the pain of utter disappointment and despair; to read another version of “Someone to Watch Over Me” or “Night Whispers…Whisperers…whatever the hell name that book was called because it really isn’t even worth it for me to go do a fact check at this moment.

When La Lola told me that she had thrown the book across her room and stomped repeatedly on it in her Ferragamo heels, I sniggered in delight and suppressed the urge to say “I told you so”. I told you so. Apparently in the original version, Ms McNaught had decided NOT to focus so much on the romance bit of her plot and thought it wise to end the book once the murder-mystery was solved. Apparently she got a lot of criticism from this (I wonder why)(most probably from La Lola for I swear I saw her frantically sealing stacks of envelopes all addressed to Judith McNaught in different fonts but I thought she was just on another one of her OCD episodes so I left her alone) and in her defense, said she thought readers would be sated knowing how the mystery-suspense resolved itself. No seriously woman. I mean, I love you and all but it is a ROMANCE NOVEL. What on earth do you think we’re reading your book for?! Ms McNaught’s callous comment got La Lola so worked up (poor dear actually read the whole book hoping for the Romance to kick in), I remember having to summon Juan again to take off his shirt. I suppose in response to her public outrage and fans, Ms McNaught wrote the “Special Edition”, which includes now, bonus scenes where she writes more about the Romance between lead man Mitchell Wyatt and Kate Donovan.

Against my better judgment (I really am a sucker for Ms McNaught) and La Lola’s screams, I went out and rented the damn book from my sometimes-not-so-friendly neighborhood pale scary lady. My fellow Romance readers, the book is…I’m sad to say, a watered down version of the classic, “Paradise”. Yes ok fine I know I’ve said this in my previous review of Jessica Bird’s “Heart of Gold” but I’m not joking! The lead characters go through the Big Misunderstanding, meet again at some sort of social function where they further perpetuate the Big Misunderstanding, go through a period of long separation, and someone is preggers at some point in the book. Come on! I mean, a classic is a classic so leave it alone and let it be! God where is that bottle of whisky?!

[Four hours later] Alright I’m back. Where were we? Oh yes the actual review. Mitchell and Kat meet on some exotic romantic paradise island. She spills a drink on him and somehow he ends up in her room. And then she decides not to sleep with him because…she feels some “magic” and he doesn’t feel some “magic”…or she thinks he doesn’t feel the “magic” but he really does feel the “magic” and then he convinces her that he does and they do the magical dirty dirty. Yeah I don’t know what’s up with that either but I remember skipping all the parts where they talked about the “magic”. Do you feel the magic? I don’t. I need more whisky.

[Couple of hours later] So um…I’m a little confused now is…wait oh ok. Did I mention that Mitchell Wyatt is a millionaire? The spawn of the fabulously wealthy Wyatt family! I… why did I mention that? Hmm. Ok so they sleep together and she gets pregnant because apparently they had an orgasm so intense that it was profoundly spiritual and then he held her tight against him and felt somehow that they had made a baby and he held her tighter because he didn’t mind if it was true. NAY! He WANTED it to be true. I kid you not. That was almost verbatim. ANYHOO, the Big Misunderstanding happens and they are parted then she finds out that she is preggers and…I don’t know doesn’t tell him because she thinks he is an ass and also because he told her he broke up with his last serious girlfriend because she wanted to have a baby and he didn’t so she thought it best to raise the child herself. Years go by and then her child is kidnapped and the kidnappers want 10 million dollars so Kate mama has no choice but to call on the only man she knows who can raise that kind of money in a matter of hours. Mitchell is deliciously violently explosive (he throws a crystal fist from his desk and snarls “do I look like something is RIGHT?”) when he finds out that she had kept the existence of his son away from him and flies to wherever the hell she is with the money and also to be there when his son is brought home.

Now really, this is where the book seriously gets better. Mitchelle’s newly found overly protective fatherly instincts towards son Danny, the reunification of father and son (over aeroplanes no less) and the easy acceptance of the role they have in each other’s lives nearly brought tears to my eyes. Something that Ms McNaught hasn’t done for a long time (tears of disappointment doesn’t count). Mitchell and Kate resolve the Big Misunderstanding and eventually of course, they all become one big happy family (as if there was any doubt) and towards the end of the book, you start to think, it wasn’t *that* bad. Mitchell really is kinda hot (as if any man in Ms McNaught’s world isn’t) and I especially like the scene where he goes off and beats up Kate’s ex-fiancee, the scumbag who started the Great Misunderstanding.

The ending of the book however is in a word, spectacular. When the priest asks if he (meaning Mitchell) would promise to love, honor and cherish Kate, instead of replying “œlo guiro”, (which I assume means “I do”) he says something else that seriously, although a tad cheesy, made me clutch the book to my chest and decide not to return this book to the creepy pale lady. Tears sparkled in my eyes as hope bloomed anew in my heart that Ms McNaught can and will return to her Romance roots. Seriously. Write more like this Ms McNaught and all is forgiven! We will reinstate the shrine of you and your works in our main lobby!

So moral of the story dear readers, is always let a friend read the book FIRST, then wait for the special edition bonus scenes. If you have been as frustrated as we have about Ms McNaught’s recent creative direction, frustrate no more. Go read this book but perhaps just to be safe, read it with a bottle of whisky and a Cabana boy.