The ripmybodice Roman drinking game
“Enslaved” by Virginia Henley
We here at ripmybodice are not all work work work. Contrary to popular belief that we are overachieving slave drivers who tirelessly work to make the world a better place by boldly sacrificing ourselves (and our hair) in reviewing romance novels so you know what NOT to read, we would like for you to know that we do let our hair down (or what’s left of it anyway) once in a while. And thus, we bring our fun to you.
We present: The ripmybodice Enslaved drinking game 2007 (limited ed.)This is what you need to play the game - First, go to your nearest fine liquor store and select for yourself, your alcohol of choice (although we here at ripmybodice are partial to chocolate martinis, we make an exception when playing the “ripmybodice Enslaved drinking game 2007″ and use such fine hard liquor such as vodka absolut). Then, buy/rent/borrow/steal Virginia Henley’s Enslaved from us or your neighborhood bookstore/library.
The idiot proof rules: 1 shot of your excellent liquor of choice for every plot coincidence, every use of the word “virgin” (or “virginity” or “pure” or words to the effect that mean the same damn thing), or whenever the word ”enslaved” appears on the page.
Here’s what you need to know about the book in order to play the game. Enslaved is historical romance novel about a newly orphaned girl (Diana) whose guardians (aunt and uncle) schemes to marry her off to a no-good younger brother of the Earl of Bath so that they may lay hands on her rather substantial inheritance/dowry. Because this is a romance novel, Diana instead, meets the Earl of Bath himself at a masked ball, where they engage in instant chemical attraction banter and both are thenceforth unable to forget the other. While visiting the town of Bath (at the invitation of the no-good younger brother, now fiancée), Diana puts on an ancient roman helmet thingy when at an antique store and is magically transported back in time, to when the Romans ruled the earth and to the jurisdiction of Marcus the Roman General or whatever he is (aka Marcman).
Did you know that Marcman looks a lot like the Earl of Bath? And that Mark (now known as Markbath) looks like Marcman and used to be called Marcus as a boy? An elaborate and clever plot by the author? A happy coincidence? (Drink!)
Diana is then taken to Marcman’s home, where is stripped of her weird modern clothes and inspected by Marcman, who of course, upon seeing such a rare and fair English beauty with golden hair, lusts after her and orders her to be his slave. His love slave. (why don’t these things happen to me?! Why?!) But who enslaves whom? (Drink!) This is the question the author asks constantly and unfortunately for readers, both literally and metaphorically. Like I told La Lola immediately after I finished reading the book, it’s cute if you mention the title of the book once in the book, twice at most…but when you keep going “she will enslave him to her!” (Drink!) or “they were both enslaved!” (Drink!) or “he wasn’t sure if he was the one enslaved!”( Drink!), it is less cute and more how-can-i-stab-myself-in-the-eye-with-the-sharp-edge-of-the-book?
Marcman and Diana both fall in love but are soon torn apart by Marcman’s no good younger brother (Coincidence? Drink!) who schemes to have her eliminated for he is secretly jealous that Marcman is the elder son who has the power/title/money. Coincidentally, this is also Markbath’s younger no good brother’s grievance with Markbath (Drink!), and Marcman’s younger brother contrives an evil plan to tear the lovers apart by the inventive usage of fire and lions. No really. Really. 1 fire, 2 lions, plenty of wood. No not THAT KIND of wood. Jeeezus people. Diana is then thrust back into her original time through a rather heartbreaking scene (that made our resident IT geek Ma’mselle Mimi bang her fists against the doors of the train thereby scaring all passengers in the vicinity) and wakes up in the arms of Markbath, who found her passed out on the floor of the shop. Coincidence?? (Drink!). It then transpires that Markbath has an inexplicable, unexplainable avid obsession/passion for all things Roman (Drink!), that his trusted horse’s name is the same as Marcman’s trusted horse (Drink!), and he has 2 dogs (Drink!) that are both named (wait for it) the same as Marcman’s (Drink!) We as readers also find out that Markbath has half of a Caesar coin (which he never takes off and loves inexplicably and irrationally) that he has always had since a young Roman obsessed lad which coincidentally (seriously what are the odds?!) matches the half that was given to Diana by Marcman (Drink!) while she was back in ancient Roman times (he split his precious coin so that he would wear one half, she another so they would never be parted whenever they were sort of…parted. You know? Sigh whatever). Coincidence? I think not!
Oh yes and both characters are obsessed with the fact that Diana is a virgin (Drink!). And when I mean obsessed, I mean picture a hulking Roman General sneaking into a slave’s room at night on his tippy toes to find out for himself whether she is a virgin and then obsessing about it for days after.
There you go our faithful gorgeous ripmybodice readers! A ripmybodice ripmybodice Enslaved drinking game 2007 (limited ed.) of your very own. Try it this new year!