Hola all you readers and RMB fangirls out there,
Given the popularity of our Proposed Plots and knowing how you little devils are almost as batshit bonkers as us, we’ve decided to throw down the gauntlet (sadly, not a gauntlet belonging to a tall, dark and hung medieval warlord) and issue you a challenge: come up with a proposed plot based on the title below.
LOVE ME TENDER, DRILL ME DEEP
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“Tempt Me, Taste Me, Touch Me” by Bella Andre
“Hey Lola, I just got this postcard in the mail from Sheri. Apparently she’s off to Napa for the weekend?” chirped Mimi while strolling into Lola’s office. “Oh yeah she sent me one too” replied Lola, surreptitiously reaching into her dustbin to retrieve Sheridan’s postcard. “Why would Sheri send us each a postcard to tell us where she’s gone to?” mused Mimi, ignoring Lola’s glare as she rested the heels of her Louboutins on the edge of Lola’s desk. At the sound of knocking, Lola and Mimi both turned toward the door, only to find Juan, also holding a postcard. “You too?” asked Lola. Nodding, Juan hands Lola his postcard as Mimi begins to read aloud the contents of hers:
“Big Bad Wolf” by Christine Warren
Dear Sheridan,
I hope this letter finds you well.
Given that you have been away from RMB headquarters, I have been unable to discuss “Big Bad Wolf” with you. As you may imagine, this has left me distraught because I would like to share my feelings for Graham Winters with the world notwithstanding the failure of my repeated attempts to procure a recurring spot on Oprah. And so I have decided to pen you this missive instead.
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“Wild For Him” by Janelle Denison
DATE: February 27, 2010
NOMINATION FORM FILLED IN BY: La Lola / Sheridan Sakura Carlotta / Ma’mselle Mimi
THIS BOOK IS A: Historical / Scottish Historical / Contemporary / Paranormal / Others (It’s a superfreak, superfreak)
STATUS: Hot under the collar
WHAT ARE YOU NOMINATING: That Janelle Denison’s book be entirely re-edited to feature Sheridan Sakura Carlotta as the lead heroine.
WHY: Ben is hot hot hot! (Duh)
IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE: Ben’s love-monkey
“Hi Larissa!” chirped Sheridan. “Thanks for meeting me here”
“Oh my god you’re covered in blood! And that gash across your - we need to get you to a hospital! Why are you standing in a parking lot? How are you still standing?” cried Larissa Ione, once Sheridan came into view
“Oh no, this is just paint blood. It’s all special effects see? *Sheridan rubs off a little of fake blood pooling from the plaster wound gaping across her chest* I figure this will help.”
“Help how” responded Larissa, now probably wondering why she had agreed to meet the RMB girls in a deserted parking lot
“Help to get the demon boys to take off my clothes and touch me of course! See here’s the plan - you lead me to Underground General Hospital, and I act all injured and stuff, then Eidolon comes along and has to heal me right so I take off my clothes and jump him. Then Shade comes and I jump him too. Oh and let’s not forget Wraith. Well, he doesn’t need to be in the same room I guess I can just jump him in my mind *Sheridan taps her temple* and then Lore will wonder what all the action is and then he’ll come in and th -”
“Let me guess. You’ll jump him too?”
“YES!”
“Game For Seduction” by Bella Andre
On Wed, Feb 10, 2010 at 10:16 AM, La Lola
Oh my God, I am freezing! And you know Sheri, I think Sven may need more clothes than just his g-string and pom pom hat while he’s outside shoveling the snow because I distinctly heard rumblings of “Nein, these crazy vomen are turning my meatballs frozen!”
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“Desert Prince, Bride of Innocence” by Lynne Graham
OK this is maybe likely to get me into a whole lot of trouble and possibly result in some kind of fatwa being launched against Ripmybodice (note to self – remind Sheridan and Mimi to be on standby to activate Emergency Plan involving dressing up in black Armani Prive jumpsuits and camouflage print Jimmy Choo pumps, in case we need to make a quick getaway.) But has anybody realized that a lot of the Sheikh romance novels out there aren’t very, well, realistic?
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“The Darkest Whisper” by Gena Showalter
Dear Diary,
Today was the day that Lola finally lost it. I could see it coming for a while now and after reading Gena Showalter’s “The Darkest Whisper”, she finally snapped. For there I was, sipping on a little jug of mulled wine while flipping through the latest issue of Vogue when suddenly, I heard a loud “NOoOOOOOoOOoOooOOOOO!!!!!!” coming from the direction of Lola’s office. Ever the concerned citizen that I am, I paused mid flip, then reached for that extra blanket Juan had kindly left out for me. Truly, I thought nothing of the further ensuing commotions, bangs, yelps and mutterings; figuring that perhaps once again Lola had been bested by Mimi in a game of drunken Twister until - God. It’s so difficult to even say it but I must, for the first step to heal is to reveal. Diary, it was horrific! It was a crash! Then a bang! As my office door flew open and against the flattering lights of my office I saw - I saw Lola, decked out in paper mache feathered wings, aluminum foiled claws and powdered white skin!
“My Unfair Lady” by Kathryne Kennedy
It’s such a disappointment when a book you’re looking forward to reading turns out to be a bigger clunker than a Toyata Prius. I had high expectations for “My Unfair Lady.” The impoverished Duke of Monchester despises the rich Americans who flock to London, seeking to buy their way into the ranks of the British peerage. So when railroad heiress Summer Wine Lee offers him a king’s ransom if he’ll teach her to become a proper lady, he’s prepared to rebuff her. But when he meets the petite beauty with the knife in her boot, it’s not her fortune he finds impossible to resist….
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“Game for Anything” by Bella Andre
Set to the music of the classic “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond (Or Mark Salling – aka The Hotness To Infinite Degree)
Where it began, I know exactly when – You
Took Julie’s V-card with your schlong
Now you’re quarterback, whoooo
But with an image bummer
As I’ll describe in this song
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To-Be-Reviewed Pile:
